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 Happy Sabbath

I heard a sermon today and remain in the valley of indecision.  God knows me and knows my heart. He knows my strengths and weaknesses.  I don't want the door to be shut on me.  I don't know how I've come to this place but I need prayer. I come on here to talk about God's goodness and His blessings to me and He has been good to me.  

I received a notification in the mail claiming that I didn't cash a check from over a year ago and they wanted to see if I still want it.  I have yet to follow up with them because of course I do. I have been seeing blessings of money coming from many directions and I thank the Lord for them.  But I don't deserve any of it.  I received my first check for the child tax thing that is given out starting July 15th for the next 6 months or 1 year (what ever it is supposed to be) and was able to put that away in my account. 

I responded poorly to my mother and know I do not deserve to have the suv she promised me. It is in my driveway but I do not intend to keep it unless she insists.  I used it to drive around to at least three walmarts in search for a bike because Amazon delivered all of my packages and my son's bike but not my own. I cancelled my order with them (they doubled the price of the bike and never spoke on how long the delay to ship at the original price would be).  I am thankful because after I cancelled my order with them, I was able to get a bike cheaper and nicer and use an employee discount (I do work there part time). It will be delivered to me so I will now have to put two bikes together which I haven't done that in quite some yearage but I'm sure I can manage. 

But yeah, I have the suv temporarily and am able to enjoy the working air conditioning in it which my ford does not possess. 

Sunday, I was able to do a good portion of a AAA defensive driving course online with my little sister. After that, we went to the mall and I purchased my first pair of Nikes and not even 2 days later, I headed out to get another pair which I haven't even worn.  I have money to shop as I please. I can pay my bills (I was late one day for my chase card but I am able to make a sizable payment). I have a lot of positives and thank the Lord for them.

I'm still in this precarious situation with that guy. It has not gone away and it could become much worse. I don't know what I will do.  I am seeing two things. Church family is aloof and unresponsive and I in turn am mirroring that. He maintains a positive mindset and is responsive. Why is it this way?  All the things I said I would not say, I have said. He gave me such an amazing hug Thursday and I am certain another coworker saw us, one who is a buddy of his and was in one of my nightmares.  This really can and probably started some other mess/talk at work.  I guess I will find out when I get there won't I? 

I gotta get on the right track because I seriously am losing my way.  My time for playing around is running out.