A New Year

 Happy Sabbath

Going to keep this short since I'm behind on getting on here.  I am thankful for a new year.  I am thankful for Jesus and what He is doing in my life.  I am thankful that He hears us and cares for us and no matter what He is always there for us.  

I learned about an hour ago my sister's grandmother passed away last night.  I pray that she is comforted by this same Jesus who continues to do marvelous things in my life and in the life of others.  He knows how much she loved her and in my short time meeting her, it truly was a pleasure for me to have that encounter with her.  We all have different beliefs and lifestyles but I know she was a beautiful soul and hope to one day see her in the kingdom when He will come again.  

I am thankful for my son willing to step up and do special music today.  He had chosen a song called, People Need the Lord and I was able to spend time with him yesterday and this morning practicing singing and signing the song.  He did so well and I hope that his singing brought joy to the Lord and that the angels rejoiced with him as he went through it.  

I am thankful for my church sister who gave me a call to check in.  I had a nice talk with her after going on zoom for a church meeting and although I am hesitant to open up to have friends, I haven't closed off consideration.  I closed last year with an attitude about friendship and still those feelings linger.  I am being extra careful about who I let near me and intend to continue doing so for 2022.  I cannot make the same mistakes I made last year.  

I am thankful for my aunt who called me before sabbath school started.  She is a pianist for her church and wants to connect with me more often so we can play and learn songs together.  She gave me one of the hymnals I rely on for our church services.  I play Praise God from Whom All Blessings Flow from the African American Heritage Hymnal and the bulk of the hymns I play are from the Seventh Day Adventist Hymnal.  There are many great songs in her hymnal and I would like to bring some of them into the worship services we have.  I was discouraged at first because although I am supposed to be the music director, people tend to disregard what I have to say and put up what ever they want to do.  I stopped fighting what people are doing and just give them the go ahead.  This morning, I felt some kind of way when the church leader called me to tell me of a plan that I knew was not going to work.  She had spent considerable time putting together a presentation with midi music for certain hymns and expected the congregation to jump in and sing on time with the audio.  If it were something that could work, I would simply play piano for those songs but clearly with internet issues, different devices and signals overall, there is no way for things to sync up properly on zoom and she ignored that fact.  When she started, a church member was unmuted and said that it hurt her ears and spoke down on this idea.  

I personally feel that we should continue doing as we had.  I will play the melody for the song first and church members as they feel ready can sing a verse while everyone else mutes.  I cannot play while someone is singing, the timing is going to be wrong.  I have asked another sis from another church to cover service next week since the pastor will be speaking.  The pastor prefers to hear her and has not disguised how he has felt about other peoples level of musicianship.  Everyone has room to grow and he is definitely no exception.  Knowing that he prefers and most people prefer her over me has been a source of discouragement too.  I have and will continue to ask her to cover service when I know he is speaking. She has an amazing voice and beautiful piano skill although she doesn't read music very well, she is able to tackle pretty much anything and play by ear.  For me, I do not have that amazing voice and although I sometimes will play music and sing along when I'm home playing by myself, I opt not to do that for service.  My son was called out of order last week and when we were to play something I found myself singing along and playing to encourage my son to sing and that is not normal for me.  

I'm getting away from it all. I was discouraged when she (church leader) wanted to do it in a way I knew would not work.  She was also the main speaker today and I felt as though she was coming for me in the sermon (she called out a few things that can only really be specific to me). I had received a message earlier in the week about a program and my name was put down for special music.  I need of course time to prepare and I didn't even know what time this event was going to be so because no one asked if I was even available or willing to do it, so I decided not to.  There are people who just throw names on a list and expect you do jump when they have you down.  I'll tell you now I'm not a grasshopper.  I ended 2021 practicing the song my son would do for service, praying and went to bed around 9pm.  I had already celebrated the 2022 new year at 5am and 6am with Kiribati and New Zealand because I was not going to wait up till midnight on the Sabbath and watch secular material.  

Alot of different emotions this morning and afternoon but I don't want to allow these things to get me down.  I don't know if I will have all of 2022.  Perhaps my time will be shortened like my sister's grandmother.  I need to live my life like every day is my last.  I am thankful to see another year.  I am thankful that I have family, have a church even without walls, and have Jesus.  I prayed a number of things before today...the morning of 12/31..... and I feel like the Lord is going to answer one of these many things I asked about.  I saw something yesterday afternoon going in that direction.  He knows what I asked about and so I will have to be patient before revealing it on here.  I know what I saw.  May I never forget it as when He does answer, I want to be able to put it in words in the order that things occur.  He heard me, but am I hearing Him?  I need to make sure that is happening this year.  

May I hear Jesus' voice this year loud and clear and may I be obedient to His will for my life forever.

 So much for keeping it short :)