Resurrection Weekend

Happy Sabbath

I'm not sure what's happening but I'm going to trust the Lord has it all..Happy Resurrection weekend.

I'm sitting in then pediatric waiting room of the hospital right now waiting for then to take my son down for xray. He was playing on the steps on Thursday and tried to slide down the steps with a pillow.  .....

just went gor xray and came back. When we arrived at the hospital I saw a text from my mother asking me to call her.

She told me that my cousin was found yesterday.  He was 37 years old. I don't know what happened but my thoughts immediately turn to substance abuse, that just my first guess. It's such a sad thing because he seemed to have so much promise. His mother passed away the other year from cancer. His little sister who was as sweet as syrup is currently still in prison for trying to delete my aunt (her grandmother). His little brother has OCD and I believe has a profile for being inappropriate with children.  He is not able to live or function normally on his own and he is I believe 30. The cousin who passed away was a cousin who I grew up with. There were many family get togethers and fun times. But there was darkness too. I never said this to anyone but my mother. He also was inappropriate towards me when I was a little girl. Looking back on how people were I suspected it was introduced by his father or people they had around the family when they were younger.  It was a huge source of shame for me but I was able to get over it. Many people who experience abuse never do. This cousin was also the first person in my memory to make me feel unintelligent.  He felt it necessary to make me feel so low in the presence of other cousins when I didn't even do or say anything.  The enemy will target you however it can and truly my first times of feeling unacceptable by my peer group was by him. That was an early ugly seed that grew and festered into decades of low self confidence that is still a challenge to this day.

I am so sorry he passed. I don't hold what he said or did against me. I'm sorry for his son who I met during the funeral for his mother. That little boy is his twin, absolutely adorable and so innocent. I hope his mother will be able to provide for him. There is no one on his side of the family who can help.

I heard that his father was the one who found him. He lived with him in the home he grew up in. I don't know what to say. May God be with his young son who is left behind and with his remaining siblings. May his passing be a wake up call to everyone over there. Jesus is the only answer. May the Lord give comfort to the family and provide for those in need. Jesus died so that we all could have a real chance to live and to join Him for eternity.  I don't know where my cousin's heart or mind was at when it happened, but I have to leave it to the Lord. May we even in our last moments go with Jesus.