Resurrection Weekend

Happy Sabbath

I'm not sure what's happening but I'm going to trust the Lord has it all..Happy Resurrection weekend.

I'm sitting in then pediatric waiting room of the hospital right now waiting for then to take my son down for xray. He was playing on the steps on Thursday and tried to slide down the steps with a pillow.  .....

just went gor xray and came back. When we arrived at the hospital I saw a text from my mother asking me to call her.

She told me that my cousin was found yesterday.  He was 37 years old. I don't know what happened but my thoughts immediately turn to substance abuse, that just my first guess. It's such a sad thing because he seemed to have so much promise. His mother passed away the other year from cancer. His little sister who was as sweet as syrup is currently still in prison for trying to delete my aunt (her grandmother). His little brother has OCD and I believe has a profile for being inappropriate with children.  He is not able to live or function normally on his own and he is I believe 30. The cousin who passed away was a cousin who I grew up with. There were many family get togethers and fun times. But there was darkness too. I never said this to anyone but my mother. He also was inappropriate towards me when I was a little girl. Looking back on how people were I suspected it was introduced by his father or people they had around the family when they were younger.  It was a huge source of shame for me but I was able to get over it. Many people who experience abuse never do. This cousin was also the first person in my memory to make me feel unintelligent.  He felt it necessary to make me feel so low in the presence of other cousins when I didn't even do or say anything.  The enemy will target you however it can and truly my first times of feeling unacceptable by my peer group was by him. That was an early ugly seed that grew and festered into decades of low self confidence that is still a challenge to this day.

I am so sorry he passed. I don't hold what he said or did against me. I'm sorry for his son who I met during the funeral for his mother. That little boy is his twin, absolutely adorable and so innocent. I hope his mother will be able to provide for him. There is no one on his side of the family who can help.

I heard that his father was the one who found him. He lived with him in the home he grew up in. I don't know what to say. May God be with his young son who is left behind and with his remaining siblings. May his passing be a wake up call to everyone over there. Jesus is the only answer. May the Lord give comfort to the family and provide for those in need. Jesus died so that we all could have a real chance to live and to join Him for eternity.  I don't know where my cousin's heart or mind was at when it happened, but I have to leave it to the Lord. May we even in our last moments go with Jesus. 

Keeping It Short

Happy Sabbath

Keeping it short. I had a good day and week. Glad my son's back home and we are getting school work done. I have continued decorating our home and am getting it in shape for Spring. I have to find all my docs to do my taxes.  I might do them tomorrow,  not sure but I'll get it done. I'm trying to get the last bit of interest on those funds before I have to pay the government back so I should probably wait until the first week of April.  I have no complaints. God is good. I hope you have a great day and weekend as well. :)

Time

Happy Sabbath,

My son is back home with me since Monday. I spent time updating things around the house when he was away and spent the most money on his room. He loves it and I'm glad I made the changes I did. I am still doing improvements and expect to get a new kitchen table rug and a few other things to make our home feel nicer. I thank the Lord I was able to pass mt NNA exam on Sunday. I still have access to the platform so I want to spend more time making sure I get all the files and resources I need before its no longer available.  I don't know if I will make a serious move towards being a loan signing agent. I just want to have skills that will serve as good backups for what I currently do. I am interested in learning how to do electrical work and other random things. I'll see what happens later this year.

I am going to have my late lunch and take my nap ahead of work tonight. We were supposed to meet for nursing home today but as I expected people either forgot or just decided flat out not to show up. I waited for over a half hour and about 15 min in, another faithful sister showed up and waited with us. We were supposed to start at 2:30pm. I decided to leave at 3pm because no one else came. I got a call from another church sis at 3:17pm but I had already arrived home by that time.  It's incredibly disrespectful not just to the people who were waiting but this is God's business and people continue not to take things seriously. I am no longer going to send emails to schedule when people are not committed to showing up. I asked a church leader should we still have the visit at 2:30pm and she said yes. But she along with everyone else was no where to be seen. And I would know because I always come early and sit in an area to know who is coming in and out of the parking lot. So my son and I went home. If I hear from more people that they are committed to going, then I may prepare myself but I'm not announcing to their organization that we are coming and no one shows up.

Other than that, it was a good week and good day. I am not going to waste time being negative and dwelling on these things.  The most precious thing we have is time and we need to be careful how it is utilized. 

May you have a blessed Sabbath and use your time wisely. May the Lord be with you. 

Waiting

 Happy Sabbath :)

Today we had communion and I had a good day at church.  I'm expecting my son and parents to return from their project either tomorrow or Monday so I'm looking forward to that as well.  This is the second time my son has been away for such a long period of time.  A few years back, he went away with them for the summer and I joined them for the final week to work on the house.  I heard that they were able to get the master bedroom fixed up and they moved most of those construction materials out of there.  I can't wait to see it when I go down later this year.  Since my son is being homeschooled, he can go down more frequently and I connect with him to do the lessons via zoom and face time.  I want him back in person as we need to do more hands on work such as with writing and picking up materials from our local library again.  He has a lot of math he needs to complete and I've been focusing my efforts to make sure we are making progress on those lessons and he is understanding everything a 5th grader needs to in those areas.  I was always a person who said I could not do math and I even failed math in 7th grade because I was too timid to reach out to the teacher when I knew I needed help.  I missed 2 lessons because I was sick and stayed home and when I returned, I just couldn't catch up.  I am surprising myself as I go through the math I thought I could not do.  They require way too much of these young children but I am encouraged because I am now able to understand what they are asking and am able to help coach him through each lesson.  Anything I don't know, there is a video or diagram with examples to show each process and I'm making up my own short cuts to teach him along the way.  Who knows, I might be able to do calculus with him if we continue going like we have.  Maybe it's not too late for me to be an engineer...joking.  

I can't wait for him to return so we can have longer and more varied lessons.  I want to do field trips to supplement our social studies and science segments and I want to get him out exploring in the real world and less in the Roblox games and YouTube space.  

Tomorrow I want to take a test.  I have not been studying like I should have.  I paid for a program to help me get certified as a loan signing agent and my access to everything will be cut off by next month so I have to do this.  I went through the modules but I need to go back through them again before taking the exam for certification.  I've been so busy with so much else but I need to stop procrastinating.    As I type, I have my stamp, ink, notary book and other materials sitting in their packaging before me on my dresser.  I bought those things back in 2022 and have done absolutely nothing with them. I don't even remember what my id number is but I know I spent a good chunk of change for that training program.  I cannot allow it to expire without at least trying to see if I can get certified.  If I fail, then so be it.  But I have to try.  I wish I had one job that paid everything that I'm earning right now but even more so, I wish I made about 20 grand more, then I would have everything covered.  I spend too much.  I have to cut back.  I don't take advantage of all the opportunities at my main job that I could such as getting mileage funds every month.  They made the process so annoying and tedious that I all together stopped submitting requests for mileage reimbursement for about 2 years now.  I usually forget to send in requests for cell phone reimbursement but I am trying to get better. I only need to send in a copy of my phone bill and they give me a little change back.  I need to look for other options.  Nothing lasts for ever.  My part time job, I'm surprised I've been at it for this long...over 4 years now who would have thought.  Without the part time, I would not be able to save really anything.  My son would not have the foods and things he wants.  I would be on a beans and rice diet which I'm considering going back to anyway because I really want to save more money.  He wants braces. I want a permanent gazebo with hard top.  I need to make provisions for more serious vehicle repairs and perhaps a new vehicle purchase.  I need my roof redone and flashing fixed on my chimney.  I want to fix the central air system and get some good landscaping done by professionals.  

I've been out here doing the repairs myself and it's hard.  There's a lot that I want to do and not enough money to go around to do those things.  I'll give it to God.  I'm going to prepare for my nap now.  I work hard for the money and I have to work my part time tonight so I need to get ready for that. I'll spend some time talking to the Lord.  I hope that you have a great weekend, Sabbath and new week as well.

Keep The Focus

 Happy Sabbath

Today was a good day and I had a good week.  I thank the Lord for bringing me through this week and providing for me and my family.  I am home from church and this week has certainly been a week.  I didn't have an opportunity to hear the sermon from the speaker today.  I had an assignment for something and ended up coming in on the tail end.  Things are going on but I have to keep my focus.

I decided after viewing a video compilation on a woman sharing her experience with her former husband who was a sociopath/narcissist that I would move forward with trying to get some answers for my own life.  Things that happened in my past closely mirrored hers and when I cut ties with that person, I decided I was not going to waste any more time and definitely no more of my money on them.  My accounts were wiped out because of him and I was in no position to pay for certain things like background checks and the like to understand who I was connected to and who his people were.  I went on living my life and taking care of my son for 11 years now and January 4th I am 90-95% sure that he showed up at my door.  He presented himself to be someone wanting to talk to me about solar yet out of all the people who have approached my door trying to offer some type of business or even gather information, he did not present himself like the others. The others either had clipboards, name tags, special uniforms, and really good introductions.  This guy came up and didn't have any of those things.  I listened to him say the word solar and I immediately told him I was not interested but as I was telling him, I looked in his face and he started to look VERY familiar to me.  I am 5-10% uncertain it was him because I had not seen him face to face in over 11 years.  I never expected to see him standing at my front door.    Then Sabbath that followed, a church sister did a great message for the service but it is an uncomfortable subject for me.  The characters of Ruth.  As she was going through her message, I saw someone who resembled him in the congregation and started feeling panic.  It turned out it was not him at my church but the enemy saw me go into panic mode when I closed the door on the person who came to my house and thought they could continue messing with me by having someone who looked very similar to him come to my church.  Then I would see text with his last name pop up in my new feed.  I then came across TikTok videos from ReesaTessa and decided I was going to do a background check for the first time to try to answer some questions for myself.  

He was a convicted felon.  He's been scamming people for a very very long time.  I also looked up other family member names and found out how close they live to me which isn't an awesome feeling.  I tried to film a video to share with my son when he is an adult.  The things I went through were terrible and traumatic and he at this young age cannot handle the type of information I am going to share with him.  As I was doing my research, I even came across a video of a person I believe is his brother.  This was a guy who rode in the car I rented when we went to one of their family member's funeral's in NC.  I didn't study this one too hard but after hearing the video (he gave a testimony about why he was a Christian), the things he shared there is just no way it is not him.  I personally believe he is still doing drugs and not being truthful about what he is involved in, just like his father.  So I went to shut down the investigation.  I had to pay for a background check which would was set up for automatic payments every month and I cut that off because I found all the information I needed at the time this week.  I made that call on Monday.  

Tell me why I come to church today and the speaker has the same last name?  She lives in the same area as the rest of them.  I googled and see similar family names.  It is possible I might be wrong about her, but with everything that's been happening, I might be right to say that she is kin to him, to them.  I don't know what is going to happen this year but I don't want this to be a year about him.  If he wants to right wrongs, he needs to come and be honest about what he's done and who he is.  You don't approach my door and pretend to be someone from a solar company.  He was the same height, clothing style the same, voice absolutely the same.  I hope I'm wrong about everything, that this guy is not trying to hoover me again and mess up my life.  My family told me to go after him for child support, social security and other things but I prayed to the Lord about what I should do and the Lord showed me that I needed to completely sever ties with him and that is what I did.  

As a result, I am blessed with great employment, my son, our house, my cars, my health, my sanity, and freedom.  I had lost everything because of him and the Lord helped me to come out of the ashes and start a new life.  It's far from perfect but it has peace.  It has safety.  It has me encouraged to live for and do for the Lord what I stopped doing when I was involved with him.  I've had major major transgressions throughout my life.  He took my 2010-2012.  The enemy sent a distraction nearly 10 years later in 2021 which I fell for and was discouraged, but I got back up on my feet again with His help.  I had a prayer and the Lord answered it within that same week.  I've been working hard to keep my focus since my fall in 2021 and now this nonsense is going on in 2024.  

We might make bad decisions.  We might convince ourselves that it is ok to do wrong, to sin.  But we must remember what the Lord brought us through and out of.  When tempted, remember who you belong to.  Remember what He did for you.  You have to in order to make it.  I am determined not to stay down.  I have to get up.  God, Jesus did too much for me to give up.  To go back to evil.  To think evil.  To choose evil.  I choose life, I choose to live with the power of Jesus.  Keep going.  You may have had a terrible decision today, yesterday or last week but it gets better.  So long as you have breath in you, keep going and refuse all distractions, traps, nonsense of the enemy.  Walk with God and don't stop until the day Jesus returns.  May you be blessed and I hope to share a positive message next week.  

Happy Sabbath to you :)