Give it to God

Happy Sabbath

This is a much earlier post than most.  I am writing at 3:23am this Sabbath morning because of an unfortunte sequence of events that unfolded over the last 7 hours. 

I am thankful that my car is running.

I am thankful that my car is safer than it was a day ago on the road.

I am thankful to be home

I am thankful that my parents are back at their home as well, much earlier than expected.

I am thankful to have returned home to a crockpot hot full of coconut jerk lentils I had cooking for all the time I didn’t expect to be away from home.

It is freezing outside but I am thankful for a warm, clean home I can return to.

I am also thankful for 10 days of vacation from work.

Yesterday morning I read an article that was reminiscent of something that occurred back in 2009 for me which I talked about.  I read about train lines catching fire.  I thought on the article but knew I didn’t pray for something along those lines this week and later didn’t think it was significant.  I wondered what the day might bring.  I scheduled a Pepboys appointment to get my oil change.  I knew many things were broken on my car but I don’t have the means of fixing anything right now. I called on Wednesday and spoke with the guy who helped me out before.  He made me feel like he threw in a lot and cut the cost so much I felt like a charity case, but I still paid big bucks and further drug myself into my debt hole where there is no light in sight. I had avoided going to that location last time because I was ashamed of how poor I was. This time, I decided to brave it and go to the same location.

I went to my 11a Pepboys appointment for an oil change and a different guy serviced my vehicle.  He pointed out that my tires were going to fall off.  I was told this before but I refused the work.  This guy had speech much like the first guy who helped me out and he talked about Christian radio and a church he goes to.  I agreed to apply for a Pepboys credit card and I was approved.  He did fix the major issues but I saw the suggestion he made for cleaning up he headlight was totally unnecessary and an extra 50 buck charge I surely didn’t need. I racked up close to 800 dollars in work today on this card. I did see discounts applied but I still feel took and it hurts. 

I left Pepboys deciding to get my son Mcdonalds and head home before prayer meeting tonight. 

I took my son to prayer meeting and things were going well to start.  My son was only 30% disobedient downstairs but things changed when all the children moved to a different room for their own prayer service.  My son was supposed to read a story to the children but he lost it. He lost his mind and started screaming and raging despite adult attempts to reset him.  I eventually dragged him down a narrow/steep set of stairs, out to the car and the parent of on boy who tries my son came out to try to help.  He kept coming up to the front and trying to turn the steering wheel.  I had already told him if he were to do this one more time I would take him to the hospital. I kept trying to get out the parking lot but he kept opening the door.  I finally was able to leave the parking lot but was stuck in the middle of the street at an intersection close to the church.  He had the door open and was screaming bloody murder and I kept trying to hold on to him so he would not run out of the car into the darkness of night.  I decided to call 911 and as I was on the line with 911, a man approached the passenger side and asked what was happening.  Turns out, the man was an emt and his vehicle happened to be right behind my car after one vehicle drove around me.  My son immediately quieted himself when the EMT guy was talking to me. No more screaming, thrashing. Nada. 911 dispatched police who arrived 2 minutes afterward and instead of my son getting into an ambulance and me having to deal with a 600 buck ambulance ride fee, the emt hopped into the back of my car and sat with my son while I drove to the closest hospital which I THOUGHT was going to offer help. 

We get there after 8pm and while we waited, the parent of the child who sometimes picks on him came with him and her other children to the er to offer moral support.  I read a text but didn't read it from my mother.  I called to let her know we were at the hospital and then I realize that they drove over 10 hours back home and they got home like 15 minutes before I called. We get checked in and go sit for over 6 hours.  We sat for 6 hours for them to tell me there was nothing they could do.  I was not able to speak to a psychiatrist.  After hours, a counselor referred me to the same lame services that did nothing for my son before and the same call line that did not respond when I needed them.  That’s a whole other story.  If I didn’t ask to leave when I did, we would still be there until sunrise.  I saw several people come in throughout the night. Some in handcuffs.  One tween was brought in because she was throwing lotion all around a room at home and was uncooperative at the hospital. One wanted to harm herself and a mother sat with her teen son who was calm and was there since around 3pm yesterday.  They refused to discharge him for what ever reason but also refused to move forward with admitting him.  It made no sense. 

We left and got home before 3am.  Needless to say, I am not going to church today.  I cannot bring my son until this is resolved.  I was hoping we could finish out this vacation week with a zoo and theme park trip but those hopes are dashed to itty bitty pieces  burned to oblivion. At the end of all this, I am numb.  I was angry slightly that we were forced to wait for nothing.  I am numb and am just waiting to see what is next. 

God gives us what we can handle.  I don’t know what this is.  I don’t know what it is and I don’t want it.  I feel like an outsider looking on the problems.  I can’t do anything about it.  I can’t change my son. I can’t pay cash and fix my car. I can’t do a lot of things, but I know there is one thing I can do.

I’m giving it to God.