Nothing Between

Happy Sabbath

I had a good week.  I had a good week but some things were thrown in that were and are still confusing for me.

I thank God for hearing me, a sinner, someone who has let Him down time and time again.  Who am I for God to even think on or even take notice of me?

Last night, I started family worship in my home.  I ended last Sabbath with worship and I want to do family worship every week with my son to start and conclude the Sabbath.  After we had worship, I stayed at the piano in my living room and looked at different songs my son was turning pages to in my hymnal.  I saw 286, Wonderful Words of Life and this one is one of my favorite songs.  I played it and thought to myself about how I never hear it at church.  No one ever calls this number during song service.  I thought about how I go between two churches and about possibly dropping my attendance at the one my membership is at because I don’t feel like I am hearing from God there.  Funny how the week’s lesson was about having faith instead of searching for a feeling.

I thought or prayed even that if I could hear that song at church this Sabbath, for it to let me know that I should continue at that church still.  I have been in my feelings this week for another reason.

A coworker in higher ranking is coming out to one of the churches I go to.  She asked me if I was still going to be there and I told her I was and after talking about her son, she brought up the issue of another person, a friend of hers who was going to her church.  Long story short, the friend she claimed was an atheist who was going to her church and this person was suffering from depression, partly because she just had a baby from an adulterous situation.  She showed me a photograph of this beautiful baby and told me that the friend was considering giving the child up for adoption.  There were some other details she shared and as I heard the story, I was happy that the lady didn’t give up her child.  I saw some similarities to her and my own story which is mostly public on this blog, but private to practically all I pass in every day life. I left for the day as scheduled, but on my ride home, I started thinking about it and wondered at why she decided to speak about this person’s situation to me.  My coworker is an extremely smart person and she would make a really good detective if she were interested in that line of work.  Did the Lord give her these words to share or was it the enemy? In her sharing, she told me that she is not a person to judge others and still was supportive of her friend even though she got involved with a married man and his wife doesn’t even know this child is out there.  I’m confused as to why she said the person was an atheist but the lady was a member of another church (not Adventist) so I feel as though she may have thrown this story out to me to see how I would react or if I would open up about what she may already probably know (or thinks she knows) from the grapevine. 

I am still praying for an answer about that. 

I went to church today and sat at the piano.  The second song the Sabbath school superintendent requested I play was 286, Wonderful Words of Life. 

I feel distant from other church members and compared to the other church, the current one I am a member at is colder.  The other church feels like family.  It’s smaller, people are very transparent with one another, and people really pray. But the Lord wants me to continue with my main church, so I will. 

Something great happened earlier this week but I forgot what it was.  I have one more testimony though.

I was finishing up my month yesterday, being the last day of November and felt as though I accomplished a lot and saw everyone I needed to see as required by my job.

Or so I thought.

I had 10 minutes before I had to take my son to my parent’s house so he could catch the school bus when I started thinking how delightful it was that I didn’t even have to go to a certain building this month.  I didn’t have any client I needed to see Friday that was connected to that agency so I know it was the Lord that put these two individuals on my mind.  I stopped and thought to myself that it was strange I didn’t have to go there and it is unusual because I tend to go there at least once if not four times in a month. 

I checked through my computer and saw that I missed two people. They were scheduled with the agency representative but just never made it to my calendar. I didn’t check for more individuals (probably more people should be added to that list, I’ll find out Monday uhhhh....).  I emailed people and in the car ride to my parent’s home, made a last minute appointment for both that same morning.

I have come across situations like this when a certain person will come across my mind and I am provided by the Lord with just enough time to fix/address a situation with them and not end up embarrassed. My case load is only 29 and when someone is not in crisis or having any minor challenge going on, it is easy to overlook them.

I thank the Lord for helping me to remember those two clients.  I thank the Lord for hymn 286.  I thank the Lord for having one of my clients move in my old neighborhood where my favorite Asian supermarket is.  I have not been there for over 6 years and Thursday was my first time going since the chaos with my son’s father began.  I walked through there and pretty much everything (except the tofu) was in the same exact place as things were 6 years ago and I could find pretty much everything that I wanted quickly.  Coconut gel! Red curry paste! Large seaweed sheets and honey powder! Even wonton wrappers that you can fry to make your own wonton chips (which I did today, not healthy but certainly yummy)!  I thank the Lord that I could walk through that store once again and that I have a client who lives close enough to justify me stopping there to purchase all of those and many other goodies. 

I thank the Lord that my sister still has her job.  She is still waiting for the final outcome so please keep her in prayer but she is still working.

I sat this week thinking of my failures.  I thought about how low I had fallen after I took that train home; after I heard the story about the woman who kept her child out of wedlock.  I don’t trust any person enough.  I mean I was or thought I was doing everything right.  I didn’t even see how bad my sins were and I was drowining in them.  I know she said she doesn’t judge and that she doesn’t have the right to judge, but I’ve heard this many places and times before.  We are human.  We say things and we don’t keep our promises. 

But praise be to God that He keeps His promises.  He forgives us when we have sinned.  And even after all of this, all that I have done, the Lord is still willing to give me sunny days.  He has blessed me with this house and my family.  He is using me with a music ministry that I thought was destroyed when I chose a man over Him.  He has kept me from serious injury through several car accidents.  He provided me with a car when I didn’t have money for one and I shouldn’t have even had one.  He gave me peace when I didn’t know where to find it.  He answered so many prayers before.  I don’t deserve His love.  I thank Jesus that He keeps His promises.  I thank Him that He loves me and has forgiven me. 

So if anyone says you cannot come back from what you have done or you cannot over come, know that it is with Jesus that you truly can.  Only God has this power to take you out of the mire.  Only God can transform you and change your circumstances.  The very nonsense you have accidentally or perhaps intentionally but naively gotten yourself into.  God has an answer for it all and He can turn it around for your good. 

Where would I be if I didn’t have Jesus? 

Repent and seek Jesus, seek the Lord.  It isn’t once saved always saved.  We make choices that can make us lose out on eternity with the Lord but as long as we have breath, have life, have another moment to be  with the living, we have another chance.  Repent and seek the Lord.  Nothing can separate us from the love of God.

Nothing.