Jesus is a Loving God

Happy Sabbath

I am not sure what the Lord is trying to accomplish in me right now as I am frustrated with the events of this morning, but it is Sabbath, I am home and I am going to worship Him regardless.

I had a good week this week.  Wednesday, I called the insurance company of the lady who hit my car to see if they received the police report yet.  I’ve been calling every week and when I called Wednesday, they told me it came in on Tuesday and they had the witness statement but they said they needed to call the witness to further confirm (despite this being sent by the police department and being reviewed by three different individuals-the person writing the report, the police supervisor and the transportation department for the state the accident occurred in).  She told me it could take any where from 3-10 business days before they would move forward with anything and that witnesses rarely answer the phone or return calls. 

However, God is good because I received a call not longer than 20 minutes later that they were able to speak with the witness and confirm to the umpteenth power that he saw the lady not stop at the stop sign and hit my car.  Then they told me it would take about 3 business days for a representative from Statefarm to be sent out to look at my vehicle.  I waited until Friday and saw an email saying there was an estimate available.  I called them (they were in no rush to call me because they don’t want to pay for the damages).  They tried to give me until the 20^th (a holiday) to decide if I wanted to retain ownership of the vehicle, take the settlement, or do something else.  I asked for the 21^st and they agreed and I shared the info with my mechanic.  This weekend, I am praying about this.  I could try to keep the car as I’m sure my dad would press me to do so.  I could accept the settlement and surrender it, and use the money to purchase a new car.  After Sabbath would be the time I could look for good prices on used cars in the area.  I don’t know.  I want a Mercedes so….

I was told by the Sabbath school teacher last week that she would not be at church today because of a Pathfinders event happening at another church.  I questioned whether or not I should go and on Friday, I decided I would stay home because I knew my son would not behave.  If a Pathfinders event is happening some where else, that means most if not all the youth will be over there too (so no one to help mellow out my son).  Friday, I also forgot to pick up his medicine from my parent’s home.  I began the Sabbath by reading texts in the little Bible Promises book I have from many years ago.  I turned at random and read the texts under Loving God, and Success. 

The theme of success or the search for success has been my theme for the week as I struggled to deal with work challenges; being invited to send my resume to a new agency where I could create my own director position, but realizing I just didn’t want to deal with the chaos and incompetence that has caused them to be seen in a bad light, kind of like the trump administration, but what ever.  Other agencies drew some blood too this week, but thanks to the Lord, I have been able to stay on top of it all and not be bogged down.  I have a nice job and it requires high detail orientation, a lot of driving, accountability, and leadership, but it doesn’t pay as well.

I entertained thoughts of home buying too.  I was looking on Trulia and I know that before I showed my son a photo of a house and he said he didn’t like it.  This time he did so I decided to send my email and phone number, not really thinking someone would call me, but expecting an email to get general info about the property.  I noticed the person was associated with the two individuals I called last year about properties in another town and I did receive calls and emails later on in the week. 

When I asked my mother about why she didn’t want me to take vacation time in April as previously requested, she shared her plans to take my son down with her down south to work on the property in NC.  She then talked more about her plans to do all this so that my son would have a place.  She is saving North Carolina for him. 

I remember conversations in the past where I told them I was saving money for north Carolina, that I planned to move there and out of all family, I was the only one who expressed interest in the property there but the responses have been nothing less than discouraging.  The other year, I decided to give up on the dream of moving there.  Every time I opened my mouth, it seemed like they thought everything I was speaking was nonsense and disregarded my genuine interest.  God answered my prayer years ago about going to North Carolina and I felt like it was a promise land for me.  I continue to ask if NC is still in my future or did I blow it because of the sins I committed that have caused me to go off course.  The Lord has been silent on this one so I am keeping my options open as far as home buying but very hesitant to make a decision until I know I have the Lord's backing.

To me, it doesn’t make sense for my seed to inherit the land when I am encouraged to purchase a home in my current state of residence.  If I do this, I know I will not have money to put towards the upkeep of North Carolina.  It is difficult to sell a home when you are trying to move by a certain point.  I would also be alone down there (no trustworthy family in the area) so I would have to seek out other child care, have a job that makes more money, and a good car. I'm not saying that God can't make this happen but I am saying that I can't see it right now.

I read those texts about Success and Loving God from the book and went to find my phone.  I found my phone and was surprised that when the screen lit up, it was open to the SDA hymnal application for page 279 Only Trust Him.  I didn’t open that app all week, but it was open some how for me at that moment.  My son watched videos on his tablet and was even watching one that involved shaping playdough with the song, "If you're happy and you know it, say amen."  I don't do the best job at getting my son to watch Sabbath appropriate material but I encourage him to go in the Bible app.  He was doing his own thing when he came across that video and it was nice to hear.  I sang the hymn shown on my phone quietly to myself, spent time praying about everything, and went to bed.

I woke up and my son’s first words to me were, “Jesus is a loving God.”.  He also said some other things that I couldn’t make out clearly, but he was talking about how God is king and he talked about a queen and then turned into gibberish.  These were his first words to me after waking up himself.  He started talking about church and I asked him if he wanted to go and he said yes. 

I was up an hour earlier than I typically get up on Sabbath to prepare for church.  I found an outfit to wear and set aside a green polo button down, tie, and trousers for him.  I went through mess trying to clean him up, put the tie on only for him to mess it up and I removed it.  He also tore my stockings with the rough edge of his shoe but I was determined to persevere. 

The time was so late that I decided it would be best to stop at my parents to pick up his medicine I forgot yesterday, get the leather jacket I wanted him to wear today (but was not in my coat closet where I expected it to be) and my mother gave me two lollipops to help keep him calm for church.  I also didn’t have the money I wanted to give to the Lord and if I’m honest, for appearance to others.  This too is something I’m praying about.  I want to be successful and appear to be extremely successful as a single parent but God knows where exactly I am sitting (next to the top of the trenches). 

Something I never do: I decided I would stop at a mart that has my bank’s atms inside just to get the money.  I got out of the car and a man wearing garments that I’ve seen certain religious Africans wear was standing in the parking lot loudly praising God.  I brought my son in with me and held the door for another guy who was talking to me telling me that it’s his first time back in town (and he was looking at the events unfolding in the parking lot).  I head to the atms to find both of them were out of service.  The guy who was talking to me was also headed for the atms and noticed and then he said “ of course” and some other words (focusing on the weirdness). 

I told him he could go to another one on the other side of town (not too far away) and in all my talking I never once looked at him.  I got back in the car and it just seemed to be more chaos (marathon bikers, strange people in other cars, aggressive drivers) as I went along the road to get to church. If I left on time, I would not have seen any of this. 

I arrived at church and asked my son to sit with me and I would give him a lollipop.  He acted as if he was in agreement, but of course he took the lollipop and decided to play Gi-Jo and crawl all over the floor of the sanctuary and stand on the pews.  I tried several times to get him to stop without spanking him and remained stern, but nothing made a difference.  I felt as though I would not be able to get the benefit of being there with my son running all over and thinking its okay to disrupt the service as he’s tried to before so I decided to put his leather coat on and we walked out, to the car and back home.  All within one hour. 

My son is in his bed asleep.  I am in the living room and it’s quiet.  I don’t know what to make of the things that happened this morning.  I had planned to stay home today and that’s what I should have committed to I guess. 

I remember the days I used to spend deep in prayer and enjoying the company of the Lord.  Today needs to be one of those days.  Where ever I can spend time with God, that’s what really matters and I hope that where ever "you" are at this time, you choose to do the same (at church, at home, at work, where ever you have a moment to talk to Him, do it).  None of us are perfect and I know for myself, I’m far from it.  Jesus is a Loving God and He forgives us even for the awful decisions we make. I’m giving my morning Sabbath frustrations to Jesus.  We have to give it to Him and He will make it alright.

I will praise the Lord because my avocado plants (I was about to toss one of them) both are growing.  My ginger tree is tall and growing more and more leaves (it's that tall it might as well be tree).  My Pothos is hanging in there and even though I used the wrong soil for my son's flowers, the beans, onion plant,  and what is left of my coriander plants, they are holding on. 

I was able to get the food that my son needed prior to Sabbath starting, attend my doctor's appointment, get a positive answer about the car from Statefarm, pay the big bills on time, and much more. 

It may not be me parting the red sea or walking on water, but this is my testimony for this week. God is good!