He Understands

Good evening and Happy Sabbath

“He knows just how much you can bear
And in the time of trouble He promised
He would always be there
Yeah, I understand (I understand)
The Lord is telling you, yes, I understand
Oh, I am the Lord, I see you, and, yes, I understand

He says, I am the Lord and I changeth not
And I won't forget nor have I forgot
And everything works according to My plan
I am God, trust Me, I got the whole world in My hands”.

First to start the week or rather coming from last Sabbath, I was inspired to look up some music I have not heard since 2006.  There was a time that I had sworn off certain types of music because I heard a message that warned against songs that overpower with beats and worldy rhythms even when they are labeled “gospel music”.  I started my Christian journey with Mennonite songs, which were void of percussion, strings, and really all instruments.  I didn’t think much of it and as God put different people in my life, I acquired newer types of music that I used at home, walking down the street, on the subway, and during times of worship. 

When my parents noticed I was really serious about my walk with God, they thought it appropriate to gift me with Smokie Norful and Kierra Sheard cds.  I didn’t know who they were at the time and back in the days when we had basic flip phones (I had an Ericsson), I had a limited list of paid for gospel music ringtones, my acapella Mennonite group cds, Tramaine Hawkins, Smokie and Kierra.  I also had cds from the times when I was not walking with God nor was I in a good headspace (Evanesence, Destiny’s child, Seether, Jay Z Black album, Rush Hour soundtrack and other weird stuff).  Music is powerful and we have to be careful what we listen to. 

I listened to a sermon from Ivor Myers and this other guy prior to hearing about Ivor about the music piece and after I heard really the first guy (some Pentecostal guy, but he had some really good points), I examined my music collection and decided to throw away a good bit of it.  I threw out classics like Monica’s first album, Brandy, TLC, the Lost Prophets (listened to Start Something every time I went to Manhattan), and so many others because none of it was lifting up Jesus’ name.  I some how missed the Wu Tang Clan cassette collection but yeah, I threw out some good ones and to make sure I wouldn’t turn back, I broke the discs before tossing them in the trash.  I believe I also tossed Smokie and Kierra because of the strong beats for many songs. 

When in doubt, throw it out right?

 I went through 2006-2012 without listening to pop, rap, r&b, and other genres on the radio and did not watch tv.  I actually gave up the tv and to this day I only have a computer or phone.  I do read the local news websites and connect to Xfinity to watch msnbc now but during that time, I spent my days reading my Bible, on church activities, with my family, and going to grad school (which was “read ten to fourteen entire chapters before next week’s class” brutal, but an experience I wouldn’t trade for the world).  

Jumping to today, on Wednesday I was sitting in my living room thinking about my already broken new years resolutions list.  I started giving serious thought to possibly doing a half marathon so I began looking online for marathons I could prepare for in my area.  I also spent a good 15 minutes thinking about how I could get myself on a regular schedule back at the YMCA or a gym and right after I told myself it wouldn’t be worth it to pay such and such amount for only 2 days at a gym for less than one hour, I heard my phone bling with a text message. 

I went in search of my phone and read a text message from my mother to learn that my cousin had a brain aneurysm stop him while he was in the middle of exercising in his basement.  I also learned today he is 3 years older than my mother and I always thought he was in his 50’s.  He is from Jamaica and has three daughters and married my first cousin on my mom’s side. I remember when I lived in house a block away from them, I used to go with one of my friends and try to witness to them.  They are Catholic, pescatarians, and health conscious like I am.  So it was shocking for me to hear that this happened to my cousin and I pray that the Lord will heal and comfort him and his family and in all things, to let the Lord’s will be done.   

I talked to my mother about it and she said that it was strange, his wife (my first cousin) called my mom out of the blue on Tuesday this week and even had him get on the phone because he wanted to talk to my dad and they had a great conversation.  They have not called like this in years so my mom said it was a nice surprise.  This was right before he had the aneruysm on Wednesday. 

I don’t believe in coincidences.  Everything happens for a reason and the Holy Spirit moves in ways we cannot understand.  For them to get that call the day before?  For me to feel this strong urge to plan an exercise plan all the while he was exercising and going through this crisis?  But this is not all.  Let me get through the other events and then explain the reason I posted the song lyrics above.

Thursday, I was 6 blocks away from the hospital he was at.  I first heard that he would go into surgery to remove the blockage at 1:00pm.  I had work appointments at 10:30am, 11:00am and 11:30am which ended at 12:00pm.  I also had another appointment in a far part of the city at 2:00pm and wanted to stop over but then realized that he would probably be sent down to anesthestia at 12:00pm in preparation for the procedure and I wouldn’t be able to track down him or his room until about 12:30pm because it is a big hospital that I always got lost in. I went on to my appointments instead and to my parent’s to get my son. Thursday night I learned from my mom down the grapevine that he was going in later for the procedure.

Friday morning, I learned the aneurysm ruptured and he was in intensive care.  It may take 2 weeks for him to leave intensive care status and if he does, a month or more before he leaves the hospital.  I went to get my car’s right reverse light bulb replaced and an oil change and headed to my parent’s house where I dropped my son off earlier in the morning. 

Prior to my eldest sister coming over to the house and before my son went off to school, my dad said he wanted me to hear something.  He was searching for a cd and I was not paying him any mind.  Suddenly I heard a familiar song, the song, which its lyrics are listed at the top of this post.  It’s a song by Smokie Norful.  He even had the case to my cd, but he was playing my mother’s copy (she had the bonus tracks on hers). 

After my Smokie Norful, J. Moss, and Kierra Sheard youtube free music fest last Sabbath, I continued listening to this music the days afterward. I really was drawn to I Understand by Smokie while driving in my car. 

My cousin is going through something I wouldn’t wish on anyone. He was coming to during Friday and tried removing tubes from his body.  They did decide to remove the breathing tube, but he’s in bad shape and no visitors are allowed except for immediate family.  I am not going to go into my feelings about what/why I would or would not say something to certain family members.  With situations like this, it is very difficult to find the right words to say, but those who believe or have believed and are struggling with their faith, I would offer the lyrics listed above.  God understands and He sees us at our worst.  Jesus cares and it is hard to feel that He does when we are going through struggles, but knowing all that He brought me out of and what He rescued me from, I cannot deny His love for me, for my cousin, for people who are hurt and even those who cause pain (knowingly and unknowingly).  The Lord does not desire that any one of us should perish and He offers us so many chances He really does. 

I know my God can heal anyone.  I know my God can do the impossible, I’ve witnessed it.  I know my God is alive.  I know Jesus is on the throne and I believe He is coming again.  I believe He will send the Holy Spirit to all who need help and we need help out here.  The impossible is complete and instant healing for my cousin, a scan showing no blockage or hemorrage, no wound and confused physicians.  I know Jesus can reach us anywhere.  He can reach my cousin in a coma, during his waking moments, during his anger, and in any place he is mentally, physically, and spiritually.  My mother said that my cousin was afraid that he might not wake up again.  I pray that he does not have this fear and that the Lord gives him comfort, peace of mind.  The Lord has the whole world in His hands.  He has my cousin. He has me.  He has my son and my family and everything I know.  He has you too, the reader of my Alice and Wonderland spiraling rabbit hole of a blog post. 

God has us, we just have to allow Him to hold us and to trust Him.  Trust Him when we cannot trace Him. 

Prior to writing this, I went at what I thought a random search for a text.  I selected Job 13:15 not knowing what it was going to say. Well it says this,

“Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him.”

The Lord allows us to be tested but we are still to trust Him.  He will not give us more than we can bear.  When we go through those difficult times, we need to make sure we keep our focus and continue walking aright, maintaining our ways before God and doing what is acceptable in His sight.  I do not know what my cousin’s tomorrow will be like but no matter what, I know that Jesus is still there, He sees, He understands, He has felt the pain we have felt and not only does He understand, but He can empower us to overcome. 

Trust in the Lord.  Your own strength, your plans and other people’s suggestions will not do.  Trust in the Lord, give it to the Lord and no matter what comes, if you are with Him, you will be okay.  If you are struggling with your faith today, take some time to think back to the days, the things the Lord helped you through.  Think about when you first met Him and how your life changed because I’m am certain it did and something marvelous.  Think about the first prayer the Lord answered for you.  Think about the first miracle you witnessed in your own life and don’t let go of it.  If God did it then, He can do it again.  If God healed the people of old and Jesus touched and healed the sick, the lame, the blind, He can do it even now.  Jesus is real, He is alive, He is listening and He sees you even now where you are.  Take some time to pray today/tonight and renew your walk with God, really.  I’m saying this to you as much as I’m saying this to myself.  God is so wonderful and He has done so much for us all.  Don’t forget what He has done for you.