Bedbugs, Phone in Storm, and Car Accident? God is Good!

Happy Sabbath

God has been so good to me this week and I am thankful to see another Sabbath and be home with my family.  I’ve been thrown several challenges this week (bad car accident amongst other strange things) but in all, I received the help I needed for each situation.

To start, Sunday  (Jan 22^nd)) was a nice day.  I was suffering from cold symptoms that started the day before and by Sunday it became sore nasal passages, coughing, sneezing, teary eyes and some chills.  I went through cleaning up as much as I could so I would be able to relax. I have natural kinky curly hair and have been going strong since 2008.  Since my hair is thick, long, and kinky, I tend to style my hair with two strand twists or keep it in a bun and I wash my hair less frequently as other people (bi weekly now) because of how long it takes to go through the process.  I had only some dandruff from the dry air in my apartment but I wanted to freshen it up so I washed it on Friday (Jan 20^th) before did a thorough shampoo (three times which is more than I typically do).  I did not have any more itchiness on my scalp after that and I’m glad I did this because Sunday came and I was sick and so did Monday.  But also going back to Sunday, I had some strange bumps on my shoulder (7 on the right shoulder, a cluster on my left clavicle, and 3 in a triad on my lower back at the waist band).  These bumps showed up sometime between the 16^th and 18^th.  Now either the Sabbath before my son’s birthday or the Sunday after, I decided to put lemon essential oil on my hair because I wanted a nice fragrance.  If I put this oil on other porous parts of my body, it tends to have a reaction but I chanced it anyway.  When I noticed these itchy round bumps, I assumed it was from the oil and didn’t think much of it.  By Sunday Jan 22^nd, I began to suspect it might be due to bedbugs. 

I’ve never seen a bedbug in person but my job is such that I am at high risk for picking up these critters as I go into many homes and buildings on a weekly basis.

I went to the university of Google.com to educate myself on what I suspected and then called my mother to ask her if she had any itchiness and share my suspicions.  I also prayed that the Lord show me if there was anything in my home that might cause this.  I tend to kick back and relax in my living room, just as I am doing now and sit in one of my four comfy chairs for a long time.   When I woke up Sunday morning, as I was feeling sick, I first checked the pillow fort I slept on the day before and didn’t find any evidence.  I then took to rearranging my bed and stripping the sheets to wash, as they were due for washing.  I checked three chairs in the living room and after my call with my mother, I headed to the fourth chair with a bag that had been in my mother’s garage for some time.  Before I could move it anywhere, I noticed a small reddish brown insect hiding in the seam of the bag.  It was a bedbug!  I put the bag in a trash bag and other items from that seat and inspected the seat, but didn’t see any more.  I went to Home depot and purchased a bedbug extermination arsenal and went to my parents’ house to borrow their vacuum cleaner and cleaned my apartment, laid detection traps and treated areas. I even have the foggers; I’m not playing with this mess. 

Prior to me returning with the vacuum cleaner, my son thought it funny to take off running across the yard and I had to chase him.  In chasing him, I didn’t know my phone fell out of my pocket. 

I cleaned and cleaned all Sunday and was also sick from the cold symptoms that started Saturday so when I was done, I just wanted to take a bath and sleep, as I had to go to work Monday.  I couldn’t find my phone and checked the car and all places I usually have it.  Then came the storm that started Sunday night (heavy winds and rain).  I left out Monday morning and headed to the train station and thought, it might be on the grass.  I asked the Lord to protect the phone wherever it was, to hide it from thieves, and if it were on the grass, for the Lord to protect it so that it still worked. 

I headed back home after 8 hours of work and forgot I needed to head straight home, not to my parents so I lost time taking the wrong street.  It was still raining bad and very windy and when I arrived at my apartment, well over 24 hours later (from 12pm Sunday to like 4:15pm Monday afternoon), I found my phone laying face up in the cold rain.  The phone was barely charged on Sunday so of course it was dead, but the Lord allowed for it to work with no issues.  I needed that phone to pay a bunch of bills.  The schedule of my life is on that phone and the Lord restored the phone to me.  When I turned it on, I read the verse for the day and it said, “Matt 7:7 “Ask and it shall be given you, seek, and ye shall find, knock, and it shall be opened unto you:”. 

I praised the Lord and shared that wonderful news with my mother over the phone.  My supervisor once told me her husband forgot his iphone on top of their car and went driving. It was covered in snow and the cold killed the phone.  My phone (Samsung 7 edge) was sitting out over 24 hours in freezing rain.  It shouldn’t have survived.

Okay, so I found the phone Monday.  Tuesday was okay.  Wednesday I was still coughing but getting better. 

Wednesday, I decided I wanted to sit and look through journals of my past.  I wanted to see the patterns of toxic behavior of people who were involved in my life and I read those but I also spent time reading about automobile accidents.  I thanked the Lord for where He brought me and not just for restoring me but blessing me with things that I never thought I’d have (such as my car Suki). 

Thursday I took my son to his dental appointment and if they took more than 10 minutes longer to see him, we were going to go to another dentist.  They did see him and clean his teeth.  I headed to work and was originally scheduled to see three clients (two of which were not mine but I was offered to float that day).  Another floater took the middle of the three so I met the first person and she was a doll.  I headed many miles away to the town where I had my other client and the town of my previous employer which I must mention, I learned this week that they opened a 401k with my name but made it so I couldn’t benefit.  Long story short about that company, When I started part time I asked about a 401k option but they said it was full timers, I became full time and then they said it was for full time administrative staff so I never was offered an option to participate, but after employment ended I started receiving statements from some company claiming $2200 was in the account and I called them to say I couldn’t get the money even though the employee on the account is supposed to be the primary beneficiary.  I asked them if this were legal and they avoided answering the question and hung up.

Okay so Thursday I headed to that same town and decided not to park for hours in front of my client’s house.  I went down the road to the store to get food to eat before driving to an agency, which great parking space and bathroom access where I would do work on my computer and wait out the time to see my client at 3:30pm.  I finished a call at 3:00pm and decided to drive over to my client’s house and planned to finish any other notes there.  It’s a cute little town with big money and I drove through the quietest part of it.  Every block has a stop sign.  Let me repeat that.  Every block has a stop sign and the courthouse is only 2 blocks away.  I came to this intersection and stopped at the stop sign and as I stopped at the stop sign, I noticed a large burgundy 2017 Hylander approaching westbound at a slow speed appearing to prepare for stopping at “her stop sign”.  I entered the intersection and as I was mid way through, I noticed the Hylander was still coming at the same speed, so I turned my wheel to the left to provide space for her to stop being as that I could not accelerate fast enough to get out of the way.  Lady slammed into the right passenger side of my car.  I had blown the horn before she hit my car so when she hit my car, the horn got stuck in blow mode.  All four-curtain airbags and the drivers seat airbag (not steering wheel) deployed.  I couldn’t believe it.  This is the quietest safest little town.  The sun was not blindingly in the sky.  The birds were still chirping somewhere around white picket fences and rosy cheeked children were walking arm in arm with their mothers headed to cute little stores a few blocks away, yet this lady slammed into my car!

I asked her if she was okay and she kind of nodded but didn’t say anything to me.  We took our phones and began taking pictures of everything we could see.  I don’t know who called the police (police department is located a few blocks away in this cutesy town so they came almost immediately, go figure).  Before they did, a guy approached me and told me he saw everything that happened and I asked him what he saw.  He said he saw her blow the stop sign and that’s all I needed to hear.  I told him to please stay and give the police a statement and he thought about it for a second and almost flaked out by saying he had a bench warrant for his arrest and started running back towards his other coworkers who were outside doing work to see if they could give a statement in place of him.  Thankfully he came forward when the police talked to us and he gave them his statement.  I wondered why the lady didn’t say anything to me and I wondered how she felt.  I have been through so many car accidents that now this one, I wasn’t shook by it.  My adrenaline kicked in any my hand shook slightly for a few seconds but other than that, I was okay.  I praise the Lord that I was okay and she was not injured. 

Her vehicle had only slight scratches on the front left bumper being that I turned at that angle.  If I hadn’t, the full bumper would probably be scratched up.  Her damage is barely noticeable compared to the crushed doors of what remains to be the right side of Suki, the car.  I praise the Lord for helping me to renew my AAA premium membership (they tow up to 100 miles free at least twice a year), as I needed my car towed 44 miles away to my mechanic’s shop and a ride.  The police were about to have my car towed to some strange company in that state and county and I would have to pay an exhorbant amount of money to get the car out of the lot depending on how long it would remain there.  Towing to my mechanic left me free of charges. 

I called my insurance that afternoon and called the lady’s insurance the next morning to learn that she gave a “conflicting” statement.  Since she said something else occurred, her company State farm will not send someone out to look at my car until they determine liability.  The Lord is so good because there was a witness.  I called the police station to ensure they were sending in his statement and the officer said he had just finished the report and all three statements were going in. 

I even sent pictures of the scene and damage to her insurance company.  Here are only two of the many I took:

What is even better is that I currently have a car to drive, that being the little blue car my sister gave to my parents that I drove before.  It is running better and it’s not exactly what I want, but I am thankful that I have it. I took off yesterday to get some employee required physical work completed and I was cleared for work.  I only have a slight non-visible bruise on my upper thigh and my spine was bothering me only yesterday but other than that, I am uninjured and was kept safe. 

I don’t know what the Lord will do for this car.  Last time when I was rear ended, and the damage was minor and I drove that car as it was for over a month, they had totaled my car.  I know they will total my car again not just for the doors, but for the airbags (they price as if I have to get them brand new).  My mechanic has been very helpful and saved me a lot of money before and mainly so because he knows my dad.  I drove around the back of his building and saw bmws, a Lexus, and other vehicles that needed work.  It would be a miracle if He is able to restore this car to brand new again and if not, I am praying that the Lord puts an SUV in my life (a Ford explorer, a Jeep, who knows, and Audi), something that will have great safety features like my Ford Focus SES, sync-Bluetooth system, tinted windows, and a newer vehicle.  I really enjoyed that car and if it is His will that it goes, it can go. 

I pray that the Lord touches the heart of the Hylander driver.  I pray that the witness gets his traffic tickets dismissed or that he has the money to pay them.  The police officer told him not to worry about that issue, to make sure he went and took care of the parking tickets.  Giving a statement would not cause trouble for him. I thank the Lord that he came forward and did the right thing. 

I also thank the Lord for where the car was.  I was next to this building and after standing outside in the cold with my thin jacket and even thinner turtle neck (a Forever XXI top), a lady invited me to come in her building and sit to get out of the cold while I waited for AAA to come.  When I got in there, I learned that their business was a company my agency does regular business with but I never connected any of my clients with them.  It’s a small world after all.  The Lord had it that I could sit in a warm safe place and could network at the same time.  We exchanged business cards before departing ways.  I sat with the hot cop (as the ladies in the office called him) in his car after they closed up for 5pm and rode with AAA to my mechanic’s.  I called my mechanic and he said he would meet me there.  I saw a car pull into the parking lot ahead of us at the shop to realize it was my dad and I was able to begin transferring items from my car to the blue car I am now driving before my mechanic arrived to talk to me. 

So I am thankful.  I am thankful for finding the bedbug and getting the items I needed to keep any other problems at bay.  I will check regularly and if I see anything else, I’ll either fog or contact my landlord and see if a professional exterminator can come out.  That little critter bit the mess out of me.  Those bumps itched terribly for over a week but I’m better now. 

I am thankful for finding my phone after it sat out face up in the pouring freezing storm.  He covered it with his hand and protected it from damage. 

I am thankful for the Lord protecting me in the car accident.  It could always be worse. 

I am thankful for the witness who overcame his fear of being arrested and gave his statement in defense of me.  Without a witness, the case would be drawn out long and no money might be dispersed to repair any damages.  The previous accident, the lady was honest and said it was her fault, that she was not paying attention. 

I am thankful for a vehicle I can drive even now to go to work, take my son around, and that I don’t have to go out of pocket yet for anything. 

I decided to stay home from church today because I received a text that the Sabbath schoolteacher would not be there for Sabbath school.  My son will be all over the place and I am also wondering if I picked up bedbugs from one of the rooms I sit in (sofas and soft chairs that don’t look cleaned but everyone sits on them from every where).  In wondering where I may have picked up the bedbugs, that Sabbath I sat on those chairs and when I got home, for the first time in a long time, I did not immediately change out of my clothing.  I wore my dress and blouse for some time and a bug could have had time to do damage then.  Bedbug bites don’t react immediately and can show up days after the initial first bite. 

I could have picked it up at the dentist office or doctor’s office during my son’s and my visits on that Monday 1/16.  I could have picked it up during the meeting in my client’s house where I sat on his sofa for 2 hours.  His house looks beautiful and clean, but he invites a lot of people in his home and nothing is really moved around.  That was Tuesday 1/17.  It was by that that time I noticed the itchiness, but wasn’t thinking much of it.  I don’t know.  When I realized I had bedbug bites, I went through my hair and flat ironed my twists (taking several down section by section.  I’m thankful I washed my hair, detangled, and blow-dried it that Friday.  By doing so, I was able to look clearly at my scalp (something with my hair type and density, I usually have difficulty doing because I rarely detangle, hence the bun styles during most of the year).  I can section one section and look the other way and find that it immediately tangled up all over again, that’s why in order to maintain the health and length of my hair, I tend to do two strand twists and wear my hair in stretched styles avoiding heat 95% of the time. 

Needless to say, I found no evidence of bedbugs in my hair and I have had no new bites since then.  
I am thankful to learn on Tuesday 1/24, my cousin was able to come home (the one who had the aneurysm. 

I am thankful for the Lord helping me to pay my bills.  I am thankful for the job that I have.  I am thankful for being home today. 

I am thankful for another day.  Thank You Jesus and Happy Sabbath J

Be Not Discouraged

Happy Sabbath,

I want to encourage you to think about the good things that the Lord has done for you this week instead of all the chaos that may be going on around you or even in your home.

The Lord allowed it that I was able to go to church today and I thank Him for it. Today I received very helpful advise from a wise source, someone I would not quickly consider, but yes, a child.  The children of the church I have been attending are well brought up (well at least some of them are listening and she is one of them). 

I have had some "fail" moments as a parent and today was of no exception, but I don't want to dwell on that. As an adult, I will accept advice, but I usually am more hesitant to hear it if it comes from another adult.  One parent came to me to see what my views were on spanking my child and I shared them.  I noticed that they corrected themselves or seemed to try to make it seem that they discipline their child the same way I do.  An childless adult criticized my selections of food for my son who has many food allergies and is extremely picky.  On the positive side, I have noticed some people step in to distract my son from his bad behavior and help him to follow along with the original instructions I gave him that he rebelled at (button up your coat, join the other children, clean up the blocks…). 

This little girl said she watched the Super Nanny shows which when my son was first born, I would look at these, but believed and still believe that spanking has it’s place in the process.  This little girl, couldn’t be no more than 13 offered such great advice and provided examples that actually worked. In an instant, my son was sitting, following instructions and out of his tantruming that he did for most of the service.  He also may have been tantruming because he didn’t have breakfast before leaving out for service and he was hungry, I don’t know.  I want to put this blog post out and go in an try some of what she shared with me. I’m not ashamed to say a child taught me a thing or two about parenting better.  I mean I was taught to swim by a 5 year old when on vacation in the Bahamas (I was about 11 or 12 at the time); there is much to learn from others when they are following Christ and continue to grow in a Christ like home environment. 

Friday before last Sabbath, I went on the suggestion of my mother and went to the store and purchased a bunch of items I imagined would work together to construct an ice cream birthday cake.  I put the cake together much like those layer cakes I see, dressed the sides with oreo and cookie dust, did a sharp design at the top with his name and put it in my parent’s deep freezer.  Monday, I took my son to his 4 year old wellness appointment, tried the dentist but they took too long so we left, and headed to a children’s attraction for him to run around, play on slides, climb through holes, and run out his energy.  He had a great time and then we came to my parents house where I finished setting up the party decorations while he napped for a bit.  His fourth birthday was a froggy birthday.  I did the cutouts for the frogs, glued on eyes and even made lilly pads.  I already blew up a huge balloon display on Friday so that was ready to go and he had a blast.  He enjoyed the ice cream cake and opened gifts afterwards.  I might do a Wonderland birthday for his fifth and he can come dressed as either the Hare or the Mad Hatter.  It really was a nice party. I thank the Lord for allowing me to enjoy my son at his 4th birthday and for a wonderful weekend leading up to that day.

My week had it’s hang ups but all in all, it was a good week.  I learned some concerning news about my health from my doctor over the phone yesterday, but with the Lord’s help I can get better and do better than what I am already doing.

Today I was able to talk to this woman who I met with before and even though my son was tantruming, I was able to share one of my testimonies with her.  She is living with her parents, her husband and two infant children and her parents have custody of her children.  Her husband is not an American citizen and is limited to working for her dad who continues to be verbally abusive to them and has even threatened to deport her husband when they get into arguments.  She comes to church in search for peace and answers so please pray her for.  We’ll call her Hope.   Please also pray for my cousin who is still in the hospital after his brain anerurysm. 

This country is in a big mess and it is hard to see any good coming (perhaps 4 years from now, maybe Bernie will run again just saying).  I’ve seen narcissism at its worst in my childhood home and Hope is dealing with the effects of it in her parents’ home today.  Now this country is in the hands of a narcissist and I don’t forsee any decisions being made out of true concern or passion for justice coming from the new commander and chief.  Pray for the people of this country and pray that people do not give up hope.  We are just people but it’s amazing how much of a mess we make for ourselves and further we dig ourselves into holes we can’t get out of.

There are and will continue to be demonstrations, marches, racism, sexism, hatred against any and all that are different.  These are the last days but just because we know this, it doesn’t mean that we should give up trying to live for God and allowing what is happening around us to get us down. 

Keep thinking of what God brought you through and don’t give up.  Evil men will wax more and more worse and storms, trials, disasters will come, but Jesus hears, He sees, and He knows.  May the Holy Spirit help you through what ever you are going through right now and guide you in the direction you should go and comfort your hearts.  May you have a great week!

He Understands

Good evening and Happy Sabbath

“He knows just how much you can bear
And in the time of trouble He promised
He would always be there
Yeah, I understand (I understand)
The Lord is telling you, yes, I understand
Oh, I am the Lord, I see you, and, yes, I understand

He says, I am the Lord and I changeth not
And I won't forget nor have I forgot
And everything works according to My plan
I am God, trust Me, I got the whole world in My hands”.

First to start the week or rather coming from last Sabbath, I was inspired to look up some music I have not heard since 2006.  There was a time that I had sworn off certain types of music because I heard a message that warned against songs that overpower with beats and worldy rhythms even when they are labeled “gospel music”.  I started my Christian journey with Mennonite songs, which were void of percussion, strings, and really all instruments.  I didn’t think much of it and as God put different people in my life, I acquired newer types of music that I used at home, walking down the street, on the subway, and during times of worship. 

When my parents noticed I was really serious about my walk with God, they thought it appropriate to gift me with Smokie Norful and Kierra Sheard cds.  I didn’t know who they were at the time and back in the days when we had basic flip phones (I had an Ericsson), I had a limited list of paid for gospel music ringtones, my acapella Mennonite group cds, Tramaine Hawkins, Smokie and Kierra.  I also had cds from the times when I was not walking with God nor was I in a good headspace (Evanesence, Destiny’s child, Seether, Jay Z Black album, Rush Hour soundtrack and other weird stuff).  Music is powerful and we have to be careful what we listen to. 

I listened to a sermon from Ivor Myers and this other guy prior to hearing about Ivor about the music piece and after I heard really the first guy (some Pentecostal guy, but he had some really good points), I examined my music collection and decided to throw away a good bit of it.  I threw out classics like Monica’s first album, Brandy, TLC, the Lost Prophets (listened to Start Something every time I went to Manhattan), and so many others because none of it was lifting up Jesus’ name.  I some how missed the Wu Tang Clan cassette collection but yeah, I threw out some good ones and to make sure I wouldn’t turn back, I broke the discs before tossing them in the trash.  I believe I also tossed Smokie and Kierra because of the strong beats for many songs. 

When in doubt, throw it out right?

 I went through 2006-2012 without listening to pop, rap, r&b, and other genres on the radio and did not watch tv.  I actually gave up the tv and to this day I only have a computer or phone.  I do read the local news websites and connect to Xfinity to watch msnbc now but during that time, I spent my days reading my Bible, on church activities, with my family, and going to grad school (which was “read ten to fourteen entire chapters before next week’s class” brutal, but an experience I wouldn’t trade for the world).  

Jumping to today, on Wednesday I was sitting in my living room thinking about my already broken new years resolutions list.  I started giving serious thought to possibly doing a half marathon so I began looking online for marathons I could prepare for in my area.  I also spent a good 15 minutes thinking about how I could get myself on a regular schedule back at the YMCA or a gym and right after I told myself it wouldn’t be worth it to pay such and such amount for only 2 days at a gym for less than one hour, I heard my phone bling with a text message. 

I went in search of my phone and read a text message from my mother to learn that my cousin had a brain aneurysm stop him while he was in the middle of exercising in his basement.  I also learned today he is 3 years older than my mother and I always thought he was in his 50’s.  He is from Jamaica and has three daughters and married my first cousin on my mom’s side. I remember when I lived in house a block away from them, I used to go with one of my friends and try to witness to them.  They are Catholic, pescatarians, and health conscious like I am.  So it was shocking for me to hear that this happened to my cousin and I pray that the Lord will heal and comfort him and his family and in all things, to let the Lord’s will be done.   

I talked to my mother about it and she said that it was strange, his wife (my first cousin) called my mom out of the blue on Tuesday this week and even had him get on the phone because he wanted to talk to my dad and they had a great conversation.  They have not called like this in years so my mom said it was a nice surprise.  This was right before he had the aneruysm on Wednesday. 

I don’t believe in coincidences.  Everything happens for a reason and the Holy Spirit moves in ways we cannot understand.  For them to get that call the day before?  For me to feel this strong urge to plan an exercise plan all the while he was exercising and going through this crisis?  But this is not all.  Let me get through the other events and then explain the reason I posted the song lyrics above.

Thursday, I was 6 blocks away from the hospital he was at.  I first heard that he would go into surgery to remove the blockage at 1:00pm.  I had work appointments at 10:30am, 11:00am and 11:30am which ended at 12:00pm.  I also had another appointment in a far part of the city at 2:00pm and wanted to stop over but then realized that he would probably be sent down to anesthestia at 12:00pm in preparation for the procedure and I wouldn’t be able to track down him or his room until about 12:30pm because it is a big hospital that I always got lost in. I went on to my appointments instead and to my parent’s to get my son. Thursday night I learned from my mom down the grapevine that he was going in later for the procedure.

Friday morning, I learned the aneurysm ruptured and he was in intensive care.  It may take 2 weeks for him to leave intensive care status and if he does, a month or more before he leaves the hospital.  I went to get my car’s right reverse light bulb replaced and an oil change and headed to my parent’s house where I dropped my son off earlier in the morning. 

Prior to my eldest sister coming over to the house and before my son went off to school, my dad said he wanted me to hear something.  He was searching for a cd and I was not paying him any mind.  Suddenly I heard a familiar song, the song, which its lyrics are listed at the top of this post.  It’s a song by Smokie Norful.  He even had the case to my cd, but he was playing my mother’s copy (she had the bonus tracks on hers). 

After my Smokie Norful, J. Moss, and Kierra Sheard youtube free music fest last Sabbath, I continued listening to this music the days afterward. I really was drawn to I Understand by Smokie while driving in my car. 

My cousin is going through something I wouldn’t wish on anyone. He was coming to during Friday and tried removing tubes from his body.  They did decide to remove the breathing tube, but he’s in bad shape and no visitors are allowed except for immediate family.  I am not going to go into my feelings about what/why I would or would not say something to certain family members.  With situations like this, it is very difficult to find the right words to say, but those who believe or have believed and are struggling with their faith, I would offer the lyrics listed above.  God understands and He sees us at our worst.  Jesus cares and it is hard to feel that He does when we are going through struggles, but knowing all that He brought me out of and what He rescued me from, I cannot deny His love for me, for my cousin, for people who are hurt and even those who cause pain (knowingly and unknowingly).  The Lord does not desire that any one of us should perish and He offers us so many chances He really does. 

I know my God can heal anyone.  I know my God can do the impossible, I’ve witnessed it.  I know my God is alive.  I know Jesus is on the throne and I believe He is coming again.  I believe He will send the Holy Spirit to all who need help and we need help out here.  The impossible is complete and instant healing for my cousin, a scan showing no blockage or hemorrage, no wound and confused physicians.  I know Jesus can reach us anywhere.  He can reach my cousin in a coma, during his waking moments, during his anger, and in any place he is mentally, physically, and spiritually.  My mother said that my cousin was afraid that he might not wake up again.  I pray that he does not have this fear and that the Lord gives him comfort, peace of mind.  The Lord has the whole world in His hands.  He has my cousin. He has me.  He has my son and my family and everything I know.  He has you too, the reader of my Alice and Wonderland spiraling rabbit hole of a blog post. 

God has us, we just have to allow Him to hold us and to trust Him.  Trust Him when we cannot trace Him. 

Prior to writing this, I went at what I thought a random search for a text.  I selected Job 13:15 not knowing what it was going to say. Well it says this,

“Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him.”

The Lord allows us to be tested but we are still to trust Him.  He will not give us more than we can bear.  When we go through those difficult times, we need to make sure we keep our focus and continue walking aright, maintaining our ways before God and doing what is acceptable in His sight.  I do not know what my cousin’s tomorrow will be like but no matter what, I know that Jesus is still there, He sees, He understands, He has felt the pain we have felt and not only does He understand, but He can empower us to overcome. 

Trust in the Lord.  Your own strength, your plans and other people’s suggestions will not do.  Trust in the Lord, give it to the Lord and no matter what comes, if you are with Him, you will be okay.  If you are struggling with your faith today, take some time to think back to the days, the things the Lord helped you through.  Think about when you first met Him and how your life changed because I’m am certain it did and something marvelous.  Think about the first prayer the Lord answered for you.  Think about the first miracle you witnessed in your own life and don’t let go of it.  If God did it then, He can do it again.  If God healed the people of old and Jesus touched and healed the sick, the lame, the blind, He can do it even now.  Jesus is real, He is alive, He is listening and He sees you even now where you are.  Take some time to pray today/tonight and renew your walk with God, really.  I’m saying this to you as much as I’m saying this to myself.  God is so wonderful and He has done so much for us all.  Don’t forget what He has done for you.

Come O Holy Spirit

This is a post from 9/10/16 that i some how did not publish:


I had some interesting and awesome things I wanted to share about my week.  On Saturday night last week after Sabbath ended.  I was watching some YouTube as I from time to time do and got the thought to check in on someone I used to be subscribed to but left when she started going the esoteric route of spirituality.  Prior to becoming a Christian myself, I was living the life of a wiccan so hearing what she said she was doing went against my new found values with Jesus and I had to bounce on up out of there.  She was one of the earlier natural hair vloggers that I would watch for inspiration but I couldn’t stomach the spiritualism and unsubscribed.   Well last week, I peeked on over and she talked about a new hair journey.  I laughed to myself on it because I also knew how often she would change her hair and would not commit to a natural hair style or wig for very long.  She always liked changing her look and sometimes made drastic changes to her natural hair, leading to regret and a delayed journey to a new goal but always looking cute nonetheless.  I will say God led me to look at her again and click a second and what I thought final video.  She had a video posted in June talking about Jesus. 

Now this was the first time she mentioned him in any video of all the videos I’ve watch from her.  When I discovered youtube in 2009 and used it as a support for my natural hair journey which kicked off early 2008, I tended to watch everything and I mean EVERYTHING from any natural hair vlogger out there to get as much knowledge I could about providing better care for my hair.  This video she posted now talked about her not expecting Jesus to have anything to do with her plans, with her life, but she invited Him in her life and He changed it. 

All  you have to do is invite Him in and man, you will have an awesome experience.  I knew when she said she invited Him in, I had to hear what happened and I was so happy for her.  Her channel is taren916 if you are interested in seeing a true experience with Jesus. 

So after I watched the video, I prayed and went to bed. I want more of the Holy Spirit to be in my life.  I got up on Sunday morning and decided that my son and I should go to the park before it got too hot outside.  We went to the park and it was a beautiful time.  We went to the swings and slides and as I sat on the swings, this beautiful butterfly (huge and colorful but not a monarch I don’t think) came and flew circles around us and between us.  I had hoped it would land on me, but it didn’t.  Soon stinging insects were thinking it was time to come out so we moved across the field and my son chased away unintentionally large geese pasturing there.  We climbed the one large hill that used to be steeper and jagged but smoothed out over the years of me living in and around the town the park was in and as we climbed, grasshoppers jumped and flew a short distance before us.  When we reached the top of the hill, a few of the geese flew overhead us and went on to land in the small manmade lake a short distance from the hill.  We saw a hawk or falcon family.  We saw other butterflies, ants, squirrels and beautiful creatures and it was a wonderful teaching moment for my son.  I used to go to the beach and park to spend more time with God and I would like to do that more often.  The butterfly moment and really experiencing all of that was extra special. 

I went to sleep that night and woke up around 3:00am.  I looked at my phone for the time and laid there talking to God.  Now my son has his own bed but lately he has been sleeping in mine and I need to work on getting him to sleep in his own especially because he is in pre-school.   Suddenly he stirred (I did not move or say anything) and he got up and went to his bed.  I waited to see if this was a fluke and waited a good 5 minutes and went to check on him.  He went to his bed and was fast asleep WITHOUT GRABBING HIS FAVORITE BLANKIE.  I brought the blankie to him and went back to my bed and thought more on why he even got up and went to sleep. 

Tuesday, I drove him to his first day back to school.  He is not supposed to be getting the bus because of budget cuts and the address of pick up being too close to the school. He’s not supposed to be even going to that district, but that is another story for another time.  Later that day, I learned that he would be getting the bus and my parents won’t have to drive to pick him up each day.

Wednesday, I had successful meetings for two of my clients. 

Thursday was my one year anniversary working at my agency.  I finished up with a meeting that left me feeling some kind of way (satan attacks when he can) and I drove on an interstate at a good speed thinking to myself that I wanted to see my car, and the progress the autobody shop was making on it.  Earlier that week, the mechanic said it would be soon but didn’t tell me how much it could cost or when.  I thought it was still at the shop that I dropped it off at.    I drove with that in mind as cars raced past me on my left and soon I came to a major slow down.  I was driving my sister’s old car (last week I mentioned she got a new car and her old car was given to my parents to use, my name added on the insurance). Sitting in stopped traffic in the dead of summer in that car made me sweat bullets because that AC is only a fan with hot air and nothing more. I then received a call from the mechanic out of the blue and he told me that my car would be ready today and that he would text me the other shop address.  If he had not called, I would have went to the first shop I dropped the car off at.  I still didn’t know how much it would cost even after I asked him again.  I called my mom and told her my plans and where I was and she said I should pick up my dad and we go over there when I got to the house.   I roasted in the car  on the phone and then watched about 4-5 police cars and a fire truck drive ahead to what would be an accident involving 5-6 cars, and a tractor trailer.  I saw another tractor trailer drifting ahead of the bunch and seeming to be included in the scramble.  A man was sitting in the middle lane with an policeman applying pressure to a head wound. One car was in a ditch and the rest were either beat up in the front, rear ended, or had serious side damage.  I drove past and didn’t see other cars coming. I then received a random text from my sister asking about her car and I let her know all that transpired.  I proceeded as planned and saw my car looking gorgeous (her name is Suki).  Thinking about how I named this car I have to be careful not to idolize the things I use.  The rear was completely replaced and my mechanic fixed above and beyond.  I went to the bank and took out money for two new tires for another car and the $4200 he quoted plus an additional 300 to prevent me from having to use my credit card that I needed to pay off. I returned to learn he tacked on an additional 264 to the total and so I had enough to pay him in cash.  He didn’t have change to make $36 so he gave me back $40 and I drove off with my car looking brand spanking new.  I felt like a king, like a boss in that car, so much better. 

To top it off, I received my last package in the mail and took all of this in celebration of my one year anniversary at work. 

Friday (yesterday) was difficult though.  I had great days this week and then satan came in to make me feel dumb and worthless.  I felt so disconnected and didn’t do as well as I would have liked at this meeting I had, but pressed on any how.  Even though I had some good ideas and God helped me to form those good ideas, I just kept missing the mark.  I am my biggest critic and usually when I feel like someone is looking at me a certain way or judging me, I’m right.  I was hit with this throughout the week by other people too, but pressed on regardless.  Friday was low, but right before sunset, I checked my accounts and realized I had enough money to pay off the nearly $3000 debt I racked up on one of my main credit cards, so I paid it off in full.  Since coming into this year, I planned to keep my credit cards clear and it was only during July into August that I racked up a huge amount with no plan to pay any of it off.  I have a 6500 credit line, 5000 credit line and 2000 credit line to my disposal and all of my cards at this time are clear.  I wanted to improve my credit score so I could qualify for buying a home, but instead, I rented and used much of what I saved in my home account to buy brand new furniture for the space.  Checking, my score is now 768 (went down 4 points on Equifax) probably because of that delay in paying the 3k.  I want to get it up to 800 again or higher. 

So this was my week.  God is too good to me.  I think about how my week started after viewing Taren’s video and my prayers to God about my life afterward.  I hope Taren continues to move forward with Jesus and tell more about the wonderful things she is seeing Him do in hers and other people’s lives.  Testimony encourages us to keep trying, keep moving, keep living.  It renews our hope and faith in God and His purpose for us.  Jeremiah 29:11.  God is a living God.  Jesus is here for us and the Holy Spirit works directly with us while we walk the face of the earth in the short time that we have.  We all need Jesus and as she said that the Holy Spirit spoke through an acquaintance telling her that Jesus was looking for her, He is looking for all of us.  God wants all of us to be with Him in His kingdom.  We need to open our hearts and never stop searching for Him and walk with Him.  It starts with searching and wanting something better and only Jesus can provide that. 

God is turning my mess around for me.  I don’t know if I will be in this apartment a year from now.  I don’t know if I will have another job, another car wreck, gain or lose 20 lbs, or feel the same way I feel about people and life today, but I do know that God can do anything and change it for my good if it is according to His will. 

God is awesome and He is right on time always.

2017: A Fresh Start With Jesus

Happy New Year and Happy Sabbath

Praise the Lord that we are able to see it!  I look forward to seeing what the Lord will do this year, how He will help me improve in my life and how He will do miracles for others that I know and learn of.

Today is the second snowy day this year and this morning, I looked out on the street to see my car clean and the pavement black.  After I dressed and was about to have my son go outside, I looked out to see a good inch or two covering the ground and my car and knew I would be in for a slow drive to church.  It was very slippery out there and I think I need to get better tires, but I had everything else I needed to go and return. 

I finished up 2016 with a bunch of new years resolutions written down on paper as if I would not break them because they were written in ink.  One of them was to mop every Sunday and even on the first day of the year, I forgot about that one.  I also didn’t realize that the Terra Mediterranean chips had whey in them (I’ve been avoiding dairy products on my strict vegetarian lifestyle) and decided to finish them up yesterday because if I carry this chip-eating thing into more days, I will feel like it’s okay to eat those Kitkats and then hot cheese curls and then, and then, AND THEN.   Yes I could have given them away, but they tasted just like the Original flavor only having lemon.  I’m upset with myself that I didn’t catch that because I always read the ingredients lists of my food purchases prior to leaving the store (I just assumed this Mediterranean version only had lemon juice added or lemon zest…and I always tell myself never to assume anything). 

I had a great week this week.  I was off on Monday and Tuesday I didn’t have to go to the office.  I was late to two of my meetings because of the rain and just poor planning but no one held it against me.  Wednesday I was in the office for a minute and Thursday/Friday I didn’t go to the office.  I had a shorter day on Friday due to working too much on two other days. 

I am thankful for safe commutes to work and home.  I am thankful that my son is still eating and even trying new foods despite having a tooth problem…or sinus infection, not sure. He wouldn’t be calm for the dentist on Thursday to take his x-rays so I will take him on Monday coming up prior to work.  I am thankful that I have the freedom to use paid time off whenever I need it, even the day of with no required doctor’s note or excuse really.  I am thankful for the snow.  As a child I loved the snow because that meant we’d stay home and drink hot chocolate, watch cartoons, and just have fun.  Well I’m grown and I don’t like it any more, except I have an opportunity to go sledding with my son for the first time.  The sled is in the trunk of my car and I bought him enough gear to keep him warm and dry for the day tomorrow (it will be very cold so the snow isn’t going anywhere). 

I am thankful that I can watch him grow and learn new things and enjoy it more so than before. 

I am thankful for a reasonable landlord that is handling things and not telling me I have to buy my own refrigerator like the landlord I had several years ago.  Oh yeah, on January 1^st or 2^nd, I went out to buy groceries for my home and prior to me leaving out one day I went to drink some water from my fridge only to find it was room temperature.  Maintenance came by and gave me a temporary white fridge and they are ordering me a new stainless steel.  During the process, I officially purchased a cooler so I’m also glad that I have this as excess emergency perishable food storage space…well in the winter-time anyway. 

I am thankful for an honest and reliable mechanic for my car.

I am thankful for clean water, a warm home, nice clothing, food to eat, and other things I have taken for granted in the past.  I am thankful for health insurance, a savings to cover other health expenses, vacations for my son and I, furniture, car repair, and other expenses.  Four years ago I didn’t have a dime to my name but the Lord turned that all around and blessed me tremendously. 

I am thankful that I am still a vegetarian. My skin is looking better and I feel better.  I still have a long way to go to improve my health, but I am happy with the decision I’ve made and thankful for having options.

God is good.  Take some time to thank Him for the wonderful things He has done for you and spend more time with Jesus this year.