The Lord is my Refuge

 Happy Sabbath

I know I said a lot for my post last week.  Some strange things happened this week and I told my mother everything.  I have to remain on guard and in prayer.  I'm home and plan to go lay down for a while and I'm thankful that even though things were weird and some things didn't go the way I wanted them to go, I am thankful that the Lord brought me through to this place in time where I can breathe and have some relief of it all.  While my son is away, I hope to complete some projects around the house.  I want to do some painting in my kitchen, finish rearranging and organizing his bedroom, see if I can wash an area rug, and make some other changes.  I need a new roof to my house with gutters and I will have to price that stuff out...maybe get that done next year, I don't know. I was able to get out to the gym this week.  I was also able to mow the lawn and get it looking straight.  I love being able to look out my kitchen window on a well manicured lawn and not be the odd one out on my street.  

I am also concerned about security.  I have a security system but I need to get something extra.  Not only do I have to concern myself about the weird neighbor behind me but I think I may have to worry about the front of my home.  I had thought my son tried to open up a credit card in my name because he was fully involved in the theft of $800 but it really looks like he was not.  

The person who tried to get the card used an old number of mine.  I have not had that number since before my child was born.  I changed that number to cut ties with my child's predator father.  

And another thing.

 I only had a situation one time before where someone opened up a credit card in my name without my consent or knowledge.  That person was my child's father and also, it was the same type of card.  The card account that was opened up this summer is the same account that was opened up more than 13 years ago.  

I had an uncanny encounter yesterday when I was mowing the grass.  I am severely nearsighted and have astigmatism and must wear my glasses.  I started mowing the back yard first because I wanted to get that over with quickly so I could limit as much time as possible as I could have to be near the weird neighbor.  Fortunately, he didn't come out when I was out there so maybe he was at work.  

I hurriedly mowed the backyard and then I passed the threshold of my fence line towards the front of my property when I noticed a man and a small child  (little girl) about 1.5-2 years of age on the sidewalk facing me.  

When I mow, I am fully geared up.  I wear a hoodie, gaiter mask, goggles, scarf to secure all this hair, headphones with my Reggaeton blasting to motivate me, sweat pants, gloves, and Tims to protect from the bugs, wasps that always try me, and the grass weed and debris that is kicked up in the air when I'm working.  I'd rather be a puddle of sweat by the end than to be sore, stinging, itching, and wheezing from the pollen and air debris.  

I saw the little girl so I decided to stay close to my house and not approach the side walk where they were.  I do this for every person who is near my house when I'm mowing or edging for their safety.  So I focused on the area around my bushes and recycle in but noticed that they continued to linger there.  

I was confused about why they were standing there and acted like I didn't see them.  I really just wanted to get my lawn finished and I was tired. My lawn on average takes me 2.5-3 hrs to finish.  The man then started walking a little forward and he and the little girl stopped again, but this time directly in front of my house.  Since they moved, I went ahead and mowed down to the side walk where they were previously standing.  I again acted like I was not watching but I noticed that the man appeared to be familiar.  

I also noticed this man point at my house and continued to linger with the little girl.  I continued mowing from my fence line down to the street and back and eventually he decided to walk off with the little girl. He did not linger or point at anyone else's house even though the two remaining homes on my street and on my side of the street had way more going for them by way of visual interest.  My neighbors have beautiful flowers, greenery, and the one directly next to me has their fall decorations up.  He did not point or stop to look at them.  

I then noticed that he and the girl crossed the wider roadway to the side that has no side walk and they stood there facing my direction and lingered for a bit. I was mowing the strip of grass closest to the street in front of my house.  They disappeared from view and I didn't know which way they went (whether they got in a car or continued up the side that had no side walk.  What was unusual about it was that when people walk around the neighborhood, or if they walk their pets or with their small children, they either turn left or right and remain on the sidewalks. They never cross the main roadway to that side.  The placement of my street compared to the others and choosing to walk over there makes it a very weird choice.  People walk around the block. That's just what normal people do.  

This man kept lingering first in front of me on the side walk and then in front of my house.  People tend to go on their merry way.  

I've never seen this man walking with a young child down here before.  I know the people who typically walk down here and he is not one of them. 

He pointed at my house. My house has no features that are just so amazing that people have to stop and look and admire.  The houses that have all that are the neighbors at the end of the street. The houses they didn't even bother to look at.

The man looked familiar.  He looked like my child's father.  

The only other time was last year when a man approached my door offering solar. I had arrived home with my son and when I got out the car, I saw an unfamiliar vehicle drive down my short street. I ordinarily don't stop to look but this time I stood there and watched them drive past my house and stop at the end of my street and park. I slowly gathered my items and watched this car sit there as I went in my house with my child. I had to set up my computer to complete my final virtual meeting of the day so when I got inside, I promptly did so and shut the front door behind me. When I was on the face time with one of my clients and someone started  knocking on my door and wouldn't go away. I was in the living room and loud so they knew I was right there and close to the door.  I was annoyed by the knocking and after I finished my virtual meeting, I went to the door to tell whoever was knocking that I was not interested.  I opened the door and didn't look at the person in the face at first.  When I did look at him, my brain could not compute what I was looking at.  I'm hearing him tell me he wanted to talk to me about solar, but I'm seeing my predator face to face.  I told him I was not interested and closed the door in his face.  I then saw him him go to his vehicle and sit there for what was around 20-30 min.  I didn't see this person approach any other house.  I saw no badge or clip board or anything.  I watched the car and tried to get photos and pretty much had a minor panic attack right there. 

For years I worked to get over the hurt and devastation I went through because of this person.  I've watched countless videos and read materials about sociopaths, psychopaths, narcissistic abuse to try to understand how I fell victim to a person like him. People thought I should stay connected if only to get monetary compensation.  But I prayed to the Lord and the Lord told me to completely break free of this man and have no ties with him. That is what I did and I have had years of peace because I followed the Lord's leading.  

I could be wrong about the person I saw yesterday.  But most of the time, I'm right and I hate that I'm right in times like these.  So I need to up the security on my home.  I have to continually check my mail.  I have to check my credit history to make sure no new cards pop up.  I have to change up my driving routine and leave at different times. I have to lock my doors in this peaceful neighborhood.  I have to lock my car doors when I return in the afternoon.  

I went to get my suv tires repaired and they told me that only one tire needed to be fixed because there was a puncture in the side wall.  They could not patch it because it was in the side wall. The mechanic told me it could have been a nail that eventually worked its way out.  I don't believe that.  You get nails on the bottom, not on the side.  I believe someone passing by purposely punctured my tire.  Now I have to park my suv closer up to my house.  Around the same time, my car started getting tire pressure sensor fault errors lighting up on the dashboard.  That car has had new tires for quite some time now and I never NEVER had that message pop up.  

I don't know who is involved if there is a who to be involved.  I just know something's not right, but I will walk with the Lord.  I don't have time to be afraid.  I don't have time to be afraid to step outside my house. I don't have time to be afraid of the weird stalker neighbor behind me or the predator from my past showing up at my door.  God gave me a life and I have to live it and I'm going to live it to the best of my ability.  There are other things I haven't brought up here, but God knows and these things will be on my prayer list.  

I had a weird week. I had a challenging week. But God is good.  He knows what people do in the dark and it will be brought to light.  He is my fortress, my shield and buckler.  The Lord is my Refuge and I will continue to put my trust in Him.  

Tires

 Happy Sabbath,

I'm having a good day sitting and eating snacks with my son. Church was good and I went out to the nursing home for a little bit. This week was ok so I won't complain.  

My son and parents are going to be away for the next few weeks so I pray for traveling mercies for them as well as things to work out for the project.  I will have the house to myself for the next few weeks so I hope to get some projects done around here and have peace and quiet. 

I am thankful that I was able to get the tire replaced on my suv.  I was told that there was a puncture on the side wall of the tire.  I don't know how or who.  I discovered it was flat when my dad came over to put air in the tires of the other car I had in my driveway. I had driven the suv the day before and didn't notice a problem when I returned home.  I would always park the suv down at the end of the driveway along with my other car that sits in front of the one that my dad came to see about.  What I find strange is that my dad came over to see about the other car and he is a person to notice problems with all of my cars yet he didn't see or say anything about the suv's flat tire.  He had put the air pump away when I was about to see him off and noticed the tire was flat.  

When I pointed it out, he brought the air pump back out, put air in the tire and then went off to do whatever mom had asked him to do for the day (stop at the grocery store or what not). This was about 2-3 Mondays ago. On Sunday this week, I went out with my son to put him to work in the yard. We went into the backyard to open the shed and I showed him the mower and other things I use.  It was before 9am so I then had him come around to the front and we started weeding the front garden when the creepy neighbor who lives in the cul du sac behind me on a street that is in no way connected to my street, hopped on his bike with his 50 something strung out self and rode around the neighborhood to get to my street and stop in front to talk.  He had a beverage in his hand that looked like alcohol and he talked erratically from saying he had money and trying to pull it out to show me, making verbal threats about planning to delete someone who would hop over his fence, to having a job and needing to go to work later that morning.  He claimed he was going around to warn his friend about someone and said a bunch of weird confusing stuff. My son stood by and we both just looked at him hoping he would hurry and finish his weird story and go away.  The neighbor didn't even speak to my son but did say, "Wow, he got big.".  I guess he thought my child was still a tiny five year old. His visit unnerved me so much that I started really locking up my house and sleeping with total silence, concerned that he would try to hop my fence and break in my house.  I need to hear if someone is trying because I will be ready. No one is hopping fences but him.  My neighbor across from me told me several years ago that this same person squatted in my house before I bought it, which is why he knew everyone on my short lane. 

This week's post is taking a weird turn.  

Anyways, there was a puncture in my tire's side wall and it was one of the better tires.  I was not able to get it patched and had to have it replaced.  I don't know if it was my crazy neighbor.  It was also suspicious that my dad never said anything and he randomly out of the blue showed up to address the tires on the car that I don't drive at the top of my driveway.  He was parked in a place where he would see it right away. 

I wish this week was uneventful and that I had the perfect family, great neighbors, and a 10 ft fence all the way around but God will not give you more than you can bare.  I have imperfect people in my life. I'm imperfect. My son is imperfect. My dad and other family are definitely not perfect but we have to give it to the Lord.  People are having problems out here and I love my dad but he has some issues too so I have to side eye him sad to say. He was unhinged during a regular visit my little sister made to visit with him and my mom and he said some really cruel things that no one should ever say to their child.  If my mother makes the decision to leave him, she has my full support and I have the space for her.  I will do what I can to be a supportive daughter to both of them, but I'm not allowing anyone to walk all over me and mistreat me. If that happens, people are added to the block party. 

I live in an imperfect world and there are problems every day, but I am going to praise the Lord even with those problems going on.  God's going to work it out. We have to walk in faith and what we cannot understand or deal with, give it to God.  

Have a great day :)

Thankyou

 Happy Sabbath,

This was a better week and I thank the Lord for it.  The bad news? My son did damage a few cents shy of $800.  He is on punishment and not permitted to play Roblox for 2 months, is not receiving any allowance for the rest of this year and his screen time and social media access is limited.  The things he purchased and I cannot get refunds for will have to be his Christmas and/or birthday presents.  I will not be taking him snow boarding or to a theme park like he wanted. I will not be buying anything but clothing for him.  He is not allowed to get treats from any store and I will turn the internet off if he tries to go on Roblox instead of doing his school work. I saw that a new line of credit was opened up in my name and I can see no one else but him being responsible for it.  The card has not been used and I likely threw it out because I don't deal with that creditor.  I thought it was junk mail.  There are other things but I don't go into them.  

God is good.  I thank God for helping me complete this week. I thank Him for providing a place of respite for my child.  If he becomes too much, he is able to go to this respite provider and do something productive with his time.  I am thankful for Aldis.  I have never been interested in shopping at Aldis but I went yesterday and was shocked at how low priced several of their items were. I was paying way more at Target and other local grocery stores for similar items.  I will be shopping at Aldis more often and am thankful for having the money to be able to go and get what we need.  I am thankful for progress with cases at my job.  Things are working out for my clients and I'm so happy to see them being happy.  Teams are not so problematic right now and of course I'm thankful for that too.  The worst of my work season is just about over. I have taken care of the meetings I needed to facilitate and I get to have a break before several start up back to back in December and January.  

I am thankful my son is eating different foods. He likes my steak. I never made steak before and made some yesterday and he enjoyed it.  I have some for him today with potatoes and onions and he will have that for dinner.  It has been a challenging week but I feel like I can breathe.  Thank you to anyone who prayed for me.  May God bless you and meet your every need.

In Bad Times, Praise the Lord

 Happy Sabbath

The wind was knocked a little out of me today. Part of this week.  

I am thankful that God still is able to use people.  I don't understand it all and I'm not going to try.  I'm not supposed to have all the answers right now anyway.  It is raining so I will hurry to get this out.

I made a list of 17 things that I'm concerned about that I need to present to the Lord in prayer.  I just spent time praying about those things.  God had a speaker come to my church today which I always enjoy when he comes. I know that he walks closely with the Lord and sometimes he says things that we don't want to hear but he says them it is what God intended.  There are a few people..prayer warriors that have that connection and I am thankful that this one spoke to me today.  He encouraged me on the piano.  I came in to church sullen and for the first time ever, chose not to play anything until Sabbath school started and they called out the hymnal numbers that were needed. I always come there either first or second from my congregation when the church opens up and am playing but I was down today.  I was down because of the things happening in this order:

My car tire was flat yesterday which means I will have to replace it. My dad showed up without warning to give attention to another car in my driveway and when I saw I had a flat tire, he put air in it. But this is not a permanent fix. I don't have a lot of money to make car repairs right now. I was down because I saw a huge amount of money taken from my account this morning and I do not believe my son is being honest about it. At this point, it is a 1% chance that it was glitch in the system. I believe my son found an away around to fund his card and took funds I never authorized for him. He also lied about doing some tasks that would only pay out $36 in total. Not $233+.  He has been getting extra money for months and I didn't realize it.  He even figured out my password to my laptop which I think perhaps that was the door he used to get into the parent account.  I had to change my passwords this morning to something harder now so I will have more frustration dealing with that.  My wrench light came on as I was in transit to church this morning in the other car that doesn't have a flat tire.  After speaking with the brother, he came over and prayed with me and I told him a little about what was going on.  I got in my car and the engine light went off and I stopped in front of his car and he told me it might be that the transmission fluid is low.  That is something I can handle and I thank the Lord for him taking a moment to pray with me.  He approached because he wanted to encourage me on the piano, to trust myself.  God knows I don't trust myself when I'm up there.  Some days are really good days. When I'm in the presence of greatness, I overthink what I'm doing and lose confidence and start to make errors.  I  have played Praise God From Whom All Blessings Flow endless times and I made a slight error on the end.  I made that error because I realized he was there and as I said, when I'm in the presence of other great musicians (particularly pianists), I start messing up.  Prior to me even knowing he was going to be there, I scaled back my playing. I didn't do the embellishments I love to do. I made songs plainer and really detached myself.  I was in my head about what happened with my son. I was in my head with what happened with the cars. With how people interact with me at church. With a host of other things.  

When I got to church I opened up the piano and sat there.  I sat and made my list of 17.  It is pouring down rain right now and two of those problems is on that list.  

I'm getting off now. I hope to give a positive update next week. The wrench light went away when I got in the car to drive back home. That was the item first on my list of 17.  I thank the Lord for easing my anxiety on my way home. I thank Him for this week, the good and the bad.  I tried a VR experience with my son on Sunday and left upset. He was rude, unappreciative and just embarrassed me with his behavior.  Then he went on to do what he did with the card.  In good times praise the Lord.  In bad times, praise the Lord. I'm going to praise the Lord.  Keep me in prayer please.