Or Maybe Not

 Happy Sabbath

I am feeling better this week.  I took off work after being told by my employer that I had to so I did.  Friday I was scheduled to take a COVID test at a pharmacy so that I could get clear electronic results I could submit to work.  I don't know how I did this but somehow I had the wrong time in my head and arrived 30 min late, but I was able to get a test done.  I was disappointed to hear that I would have to wait 2 days to get my results. I had told my part time that I would be getting the test Friday and had hoped to submit results by then.  I came home and decided to take one of the at home COVID rapid tests and it was not long until I saw the line show up on the letter C again.  Surely that means I still have covid right?  I thought about giving my son a test but something made me pull out the instruction packet and look at it more thoroughly this time.

See the first time I took the test, I was on my parent's front porch with teary eyes and runny nose trying to make sure I followed the instructions to a T.  No pun intended but it was that T that I was missing if any of you have gone through the process of doing your own test.  I saw the solid line on the C line and was convinced I was a positive COVID case.  I had all the symptoms from the severe sore throat, fever, cough and even loss of taste and sense of smell.  I had something almost like chills and lethargy.  I went through a lot so I know it wasn't all in my head.  

When I did the rapid test the second time, I made sure to get the stick all the way up in my nose and get all the mucus and anything that my be clinging in my nasal passages.  I turned the papers around and looked for how to know if you have a positive test.  There it was on the back of the instruction manual.  A single line at C alone means negative. If you have a line for C and a line for T, then it is a positive case.  If it is T alone, the test may be faulty.  

I don't know still if I even had COVID. Going off of the results of the first test and yesterday's test, that tells me I never had it, but why did I feel so awful?  I am still dealing with remants of a cough and took medicine for the first time today in an attempt to try to stop the cough.  I am terrible when it comes to medicine.  Medicine will sit in my fridge until it evaporates (it has done so many times).  I prefer for my body to do what God designed it to do and fight the illnesses/issues plaguing me.  The fevers, cough, sneezing, all of that has a reason (to expel what is creating issues in your body).  

I was so convinced I had COVID, I dropped groceries in the store and left. I held my breath passing people with masks on for fear of spreading this to them.  I have stayed home and stayed away from loved ones.  I had a lot of uncertainty and concern that things were going to get worse for more people than myself and here it is quite possible that I didn't even have it?  What is worst of all, I told my jobs I had it.  I have been off work for a week from my part time and they don''t play with fake reports.  When I took my first test, I didn't think about taking a photograph of the test.  If I did take a photo and send it in, anyone familiar with the test would have called me a liar.  I could potentially lose my job for false reporting.  I still don't know.  I am waiting for my results from the pharmacy to come in.  If they come in by 5pm today I will move accordingly (if negative, I will report to work but if positive, I will continue calling out).  I just hope that I don't lose my job as they have not approved my leave of absence yet for this.  If they approve my leave, they will take my time off saved up which I set up for October.  I will have no emergency time left for emergencies as a result of all of this.  I started to not say anything at work about being sick and I wish I didn't because I would not be dealing with all of this.  

I hope I can go back to work and begin accruing vacation time again.  I hope that I don't get sick again from what ever.  I wish I read the instructions more clearly and if I did, I wouldn't be in all this and the fault is squarely on my shoulders.  God knows my heart and I wanted to do the right thing.  Please pray that everything goes according to His will and that I am able to come through all this in the end. 

With this I am going to give some attention to my son who is making a mess and needs to stop.  I will wait for 5pm and check results and if no results come, I will call out.  I thought I had COVID but really it is a maybe not moment.