What a Wonderful Savior

Happy Sabbath.  Today is Christmas and I am thankful to be home with my son and to help him participate in the service today. He did the welcome and helped me with singing some songs today that we didn't know were coming. He also did a special song for Sabbath school. 

 I am thankful to have gotten through this week and I was able to be off for Thursday and Friday.  I am off next week as well from my main job and intend to spend this time resting, cleaning, relaxing, and planning for 2022.  I need a slogan for 2022 and just started wondering about it today.  

 

I think a spider just bit my foot.  Anywhoo, I am thankful.  I am thankful for second, third, and fourth chances.  I am thankful that the Lord has not given up on me yet. I am thankful that I have been able to overcome disasters and boy have there been some serious disasters I've experienced.  

 

I am thankful for my jobs, my home, my family and my plants.  I am thankful for Jesus.  He is a wonderful Savior and I am thankful for His life that He has given for me.  God is good and I have no complaints.  Happy Sabbath and Merry Christmas to you :)

Music

 Happy Sabbath

I am on here much later than I usually am.  Today I had to lead out a special program for church and I am thankful that it went well and there were only a few hiccups along the way.  Public speaking is not my strength and people assume I like to hang behind the scenes because I'm shy.  It's not about being shy but it is about me not knowing what to say and being unprepared.  I did what I could to prepare and at this age, I kind of just accept that if things don't go the way I intend for them to go, I choose not to feel embarrassment.  It's not going to help anything anyway but shut me down even more.  

I typically play piano and will sing with my camera off. We do our services on zoom and I prefer to have it done that way but today, my camera had to remain open and I had to keep the direction for over 2 hours.  The only reason it went well is because of God and I thank Him for helping me to lead out in the way that I did.  Every person that sang and played was absolutely beautiful and it was wonderful hearing all of it.  I hope that those who heard the music were encouraged and most importantly, that the Lord enjoyed the praises that were coming up to Him.  

I am thankful I was able to find a dvd player for $30.  I saw some for $60+ in the store and I am happy I was persistent in checking and came across one that was on the shelf for a good price.  I am now able to play a Bible movie my son and I have not seen in a long time and he will be able to see much more of his collection I built up years ago.  

I am thankful that my dad is doing ok.  He is 80 years old and earlier this week, he had an accident where he was standing on a step stool trying to put water or something in the heating system.  He lost his footing and fell back, his head hitting the edge of an etagere.  He was bleeding from the back of his head and my mother bandaged his head and they decided to wait things out.  Being 80, I recommended he go to the hospital to make sure he was ok but he refused.  Hopefully it is healing properly and he will not sustain any more serious damage.  As of Wednesday, he stopped wearing the head bandage and is back to doing what he does.  I pray he does not have any other issues and I'm glad he is feeling better.

I am thankful for my jobs.  I am still doing well and getting paid what I need from my part time.  My full time gave me a bonus of $1000.  Although taxes hit it hard so that it was only about $625 by the time it reached me, I am still thankful for the extra funds along with the $250 the government gives for parents of children of a certain age.  That reminds me, I need to give my tithe.  I had started earlier this morning preparing for the service and it got away from me so I am going to do that right now.  I am thankful for my income, my home, my family, the service, for health, and everything the Lord has done for me. 

God is good. 

Allergies

 God is good, Happy Sabbath

I had a good week this week and am having a good Sabbath.  The message was good today and the one thing I took away from the service was that my journey, all of our journey's and time on earth in the condition we are in is very short.  All the nonsense and frustrations and things going on around us are not worth getting hung up on.  Stop being distracted and keep following and keep our focus on Jesus.  

The enemy intended to use my older sister as a distraction from the service but I am thankful that I was able to hear it. My older sister doesn't care for me and stops at nothing to pick at me, put me down in some way, and lift herself up.  Today, she intentionally mailed a gift for my son to the wrong address and knew she did so.  I didn't allow it to upset me. I went across the street to my neighbor who I occasionally talk with and his wife gave me the package for my son.  I'm not going into the other things the enemy has had her do.  They don't apply to today and she's not worth it.  He's not worth it.  

I am thankful that it looks like progress is being made with getting my refund for the first tv I purchased.  They took a second to deduct the funds from my account but it's taking over a month to get the money returned.  For this as well, I am learning to be patient and not get angry, even if it means I possibly may not get back hundreds of dollars for my purchase.  

I am thankful that I waited to get my son his gift for the holidays.  The original price for the xbox s series was $299 in my area and when it got into November, the price went up and the devices were difficult to find.  I waited and went to Best buy and while ready to make my purchase, I looked online and saw a bundle options that was available for me to pick up in store.  I inquired about it and the lady walked away with the first xbox and returned with another one that also came with two games (one of which I really wanted) and all for the same price of $299.  It was also the last one in the store which she told me as I swiped my card.  I am thankful that I can treat my son and have some great gifts for his birthday as well next month.

My table for the console arrived today and I will set it up tomorrow.  I bought one that would stand tall over this space heater that I have that looks like a mini wood stove.  My garage was half converted so the heater does a great job of heating up the entire room where I have my tv and will have the game system and likely a dvd player...need to get one of those too.  

 

I am thankful that I can take off more time this month and spend it with my family. I am thankful my son received his second covid vaccine yesterday without issue.  He also was tested for his allergies and is no longer allergic to nuts.  He has a blood test to absolutely confirm whether or not the allergy to these things is completely gone.  He is still showing an allergy to  hazelnuts and one other item along with egg, but he is good with peanuts, I believe walnuts, pecans, almonds and macadamians. This is amazing news considering he tested a severe allergy to all nuts and egg (egg still gets a bad reaction from difficulty breathing to vomiting and gastrointestinal troubles even in a small dose).  I was surprised at the change.  He is afraid of needles so I am hoping he will be cooperative and get the bloodwork done on monday so we can know for sure what's what.  

So I will end this blog and God willing I will be on next week to share more of the goodness of God in my life.  

Happy Sabbath and enjoy this day of rest.

Health

 Happy Sabbath,

I am thankful that my son, family and I are in good health.  My mom had a mammogram and there were no issues detected. I had asked my mother about any family history of breast cancer and said that both and and her sister both had something called a tag but after biopsies, they were found to be benign.  In a few short years, I will begin to have my yearly testing done.  I am thankful that for now, things are okay.  

I am thankful that I was able to get my booster shot yesterday.  I received all three of my vaccines and although my left arm is sore right now, it is not stopping me from doing what I need to do.  I know it may not protect me from all the COVID variants out there but at least I have a slight buffer for when and if I do come into contact with the disease.  I am surrounded by so many people who have let down their guards and even tried to encourage me to stop masking up.  Now those very people are having trouble.  One particular person has been missing this week and I was present when he and another person made a call to call out of work because they were experiencing symptoms.  Even though I am considered fully vaccinated, I will continue to wear my mask and keep distance as much as possible from others.  

I am thankful for the progress I have made with getting to a healthier weight range.  I do intermittent fasting and at times I might go a day or 2 to get things moving.  My gastrointestinal system is so sluggish.  I eat certain things to try to figure out how fast things are moving and it seems no matter how much fiber I add into my diet, it still moves soo slowly.  I decided to fast today and am doing well.  Going through this process especially since spring has shown me that I don't need 3-6 meals every day to get through.  I can tolerate longer periods, not that I really want to and often don't do.  I have a goal to be between 145-150 and I have been fluctuating between 150-161, which was the weight I used to be prior to having my son. Prior to my son, I did intermittent fasting about once a week and I would walk everywhere so I was getting exercise and cardio in most times unintentionally.  When I was not fasting, I ate like a glutton and had what ever rich sugary fatty foods I wanted.  I'm in my late 30's and things have changed and slowed down with my metabolism but I am thankful that my body does respond to fasting and better diet choices (I am more plant based than before).  I went to the store earlier this week with the intention to find one blouse to wear with my yellow timberlands.  I left two stores with much more than planned but the most shocking thing about my purchases was that I was comfortably selecting size small for most items.  I used to wear everything oversized and still occasionally shop that way but I am embracing myself a lot more now and see that I should have made such purchases a long time ago.  Last success about body goals, I am able to wear a size 4 in non-stretchy jeans (something completely unheard of for me but if I keep myself within a healthy weight range, size 4 instead of size 6 could become my norm). 

I am thankful that my knees are holding up. There was a time that I overexercised at the YMCA years ago and I injured myself after using a leg press machine.  I didn't realize I injured myself until I went to jog one final time around the indoor track.  For years, I was not able to squat or kneel safely/comfortably without experiencing excruciating pain. It's interesting how when starting this fasting lifestyle I am now able to do so.  I chose to do this primarily to try to heal dental issues as there was research showing how doing so stimulates the production of stem cells and new tissue and other development.  My knee had an inflammatory issue for so long and I am now able to squat down many times without problem.  I have temporary knees like Megan I guess one could say.  I have more energy and focus.  When I don't visit Trader Joes or Walmart, I save my money when grocery shopping.  I go to Trader Joes, I always lose my mind in that store...without fail. But whatever, I am thankful that my knees are better and my body is functioning better. Even the tooth I was afraid that I would lose is 99% back to normal when the doctors said that I would likely have to get a root canal and possibly more work done.  

I am thankful that people have agreed for a special event that I have to lead out for next Sabbath.  People I asked have said yes that they will participate. I am thankful that it is coming together.  I have to finish the plans next week but will give my nerves and everything else over to God so that it will be a success. 

Prayer request.  I still have an issue at work.  I need prayer to overcome it.  I'm not quitting my job and it looks like he is not going anywhere any time soon.  I want to work and be proper around other people.  I am dealing with temptation but want him to also be proper around me as well.  Either one of us leaves or I have a better distraction, one that is by God's hand.  I need help with this.

Happy Sabbath

Season of Thankfulness

 God is good.  I am thankful for these days I can have off with my son.  I took off 2 additional days from my main gig and my part time didn't schedule me as I expected so I was off for Thanksgiving night and able to enjoy it with my family.  I had hoped that my little sis would come for Thanksgiving at my house, especially because she is at odds with mom and dad and I didn't want her to be alone but she chose not to come. So instead, I decided to move my travel time to their house at the time I had originally set aside for her.  

I am a plant based vegetarian which uses the label vegan to avoid having the long discussion of what I do and don't eat. I do eat honey and am not strict about my sources of food coloring or vanilla flavoring but intend to tighten the reins on that this season.  I am not an animal activist.  I support family and others who want to eat meat and dairy products but choose not to put that stuff in my own body due to what I have read about in the Bible, my own negative experiences with them, and also because veggies are just so delicious and there are endless creations in the kitchen with them.  Last year I made my own version of slow roasted chicken in my crock pot.  My parents loved it and so I decided this year to try my hand at lamb.  I bought lamb breast and put together my own blend of seasonings and rendered it for a good 12+ hours in my crock pot.  They loved that as well and the scraps they gave to their back yard cat that comes around every day looking for free food. The cat was really getting into that meal.  I guess next year I could try quail or I could do salmon...my crock pots solves all challenges and mysteries.  It can fix all issues.  Salmon or steelhead trout with rice and roasted veggies..hmmm.  And perhaps I could bring a vegan option for them to try to.  I am just thankful that the lamb turned out well and I was able to make other dishes too like these vegan stuffed shells, cupcakes and I gave them some of my home made toffee (real butter originally made for my son, of course I can't eat it).  My aunt taught me years ago about making toffee and I have made that as well as toffee brittle and even jumped on the dalgona train and did a basic dalgona and one with chocolate too.  Too much sugar for these diabetics and almost diabetics.  

I am thankful that I was not scheduled thursday night because I was able to at the last minute take my son to see the movie Encanto which just became available in theatres on Wednesday in my area.  This was his second trip to the movie theatre and now I think I'm going to have a routine with him where we go to the movies at least once monthly for movie night.  I encouraged him to bring snacks in but decided ultimately to get the theatre popcorn and soda so he can have the full experience and it was a lovely night.  

I am thankful for many things but last but not least, the gift that Jesus gave by giving up His life for me.  I was able to partake in communion today and am thankful for this life He has given me.  I don't know all of what He has planned for me.  On monday I was approached by a person at work and didn't realize who it was at first. It turned out to be the husband of one of my church sisters and he was picking up items for the babies who were sick this week.  I helped him find the potato chips he was looking for and got his committment to sing today during service and for a concert I have to organize next month.  I also was approached by a coworker who appears to glow and is just wonderful to be around every time I see her. Reason for that is because she is a Christian.  She asked me about serving sizes as she intended to cook thankgiving meals for 40 plus people and I did my best to give advice about that from what I knew about my church family and how they throw down in the kitchen.  Both experiences in the same shift.  Not sure why.  Usually I am dealing with people being inappropriate or talking about what they thought they heard about me.  It was nice conversing with both of them.  I do have to say I was surprised by the brother's exchange.  I realized that he was not an adventist as I had once thought. His wife is and now things kind of make sense now with why he was not showing up when we expected him to.  May the Lord be with their family and help them because I know it must be frustrating when the person you are closest to doesn't believe how you believe.  If He can reach me, He can certainly reach him.  There is so much for all of us to learn and I am still on this long journey of learning and accepting truth in my life.  

There was a reason I had those exchanges that shift and I look forward to more experiences like that where I am encouraged to share my faith and encourage others to follow Christ.  I was distracted but we gotta get things back on the right track.  I am thankful I have an opportunity to do so.

Happy Sabbath :)

Appreciating and Remembering

 Happy Sabbath

I have a warm comfortable home. I am able to spend time with my son and get rest.  For the moment, I checked my part time work schedule and see I am not scheduled to work the holiday. Crossing my fingers but still am thankful that the karen who was working at my job before is no longer there so she can't force me to work a day that is not apart of my regular schedule. 

I am thankful for PTO and that I can take off as much time as I want from my full time. I intend to be off Wednesday through Monday of the following week after thanksgiving.I was able to find lamb in the store and get it before shopping became too difficult. I have it in the freezer as I intend to make a lamb dish for my parents for the thanksgiving day dinner and if my sister comes earlier in the day, she can try some earlier in the day for the lunch. I love slow cooked meals and next week is my week to get into it.  I intend to make a cake with my son and I'll do a pie as well among many other things. The alternative style of cooking that us plant based vegetarians get into with the exception of the lamb of course.  

I went to Target and was able to get some lights and a super long garland which I used for the entrance for the hall way and put lights into the garland I had up over the window year round and never took down.  I am decorating for winter, not christmas.  I have so many good memories of Christmas time but know that Christmas itself is a pagan holiday that I cannot get into.  I will not get a christmas tree.  I do exchange gifts with family.  It's hard to work around when I have a son who is into every pagan situation including Halloween. I remember the smells of pine and spruce, cedar and peppermint.  I remember happy music, smiles, snow, good food, and the joy of being together with family.  Those Hallmark movies.  The Nutcracker and other movies with Frosty the snow man and stop motion animation like that in Gumby, those were favorites if not traditions in our home around this time of year.  Motown playing on the radio holiday favorites.  I want my son to think back on his childhood and have great memories of growing up and I want to provide him with all of it.  

I'm still looking out for an xbox S series and saw one at the original price I was going to do but I would have to drive at least an hour away to get it.  I don't know if the place still has it.  I could just wait until after december and try, I did get him a computer so he will be excited about that when he sees it next month.  Playstation 5 is still not being made fast enough.I just want him to have the world.  

I had a heart to heart with God this morning. I hope He changes those issues within me.  I indeed have issues.  I sat and looked at what I was pursuing and what I wanted to have.  I looked at places I wanted to live with my son and found the houses I looked at prior to the one I am living in now.  I am still working on this place and it continues to come along and is absolutely beautiful.  I plan next to get myself a good nail gun and want to do some board and batten or wainscotting throughout my house especially after I saw some videos of how simple the project can be.  I am looking forward to doing that.  The house I tried to buy, they took off the market.  I had prayed to the Lord believing I would get that house, number 34.  I didn't understand why I didn't get it.  I put down an offer and they decided to remove the home from the sellers list and not offer it to anyone.  I prayed about it and believed God said I would have that home.  I have to talk to Him about why I didn't see it right.  I know I have an issue when I pray for something and I forget certain details of what I prayed for so I have to go to God again and bug Him a 2nd or 3rd time about the issue so that it is clear to me.  I was so certain I told family and friends who were doubtful.  

I don't know what happened but what I do know is the Lord opened the door for this one. I could have been discouraged when that house was removed from my options.  But I wanted to have the Lord pick the right place.  I saw another house that seemed amazing but I was given a dream that I should not get that house.  I cancelled my viewing and my mother was upset with me.  I settled on this one and people didn't understand.  I look back and see that the offer I made for this house was the exact same as who ever bought the first one.  I have over 3000 more sq feet in land space for my current property.  I am in the best neighborhood in this town.  My property value has more than tripled since I purchased my home. If I were to see, I'd leave with a pretty cash sum and some to do what I want.  I showed my son the homes of the others but and even though that victorian one still pulls my heart, I wouldn't trade this house, my house for any of them.  

God knows what He is doing from houses and jobs, to what is happening at church and every part of my life.  I just need to sit back, wait and trust in Him.  And spend more time with Him.  I hope that you will do the same and enjoy your time with God. 

God is good :)

Bothered

 Happy Sabbath

I don't want to come on here being all negative and stuff.  I am thankful for a good week. I came back to work this week and it was not all total chaos and unbearable.  I had some successes and some low points, but all in all God is good.

Today was a little different because a church member decided to go past me and set up something when I had already made arrangements for the service.  I am bothered when people tell me it is my responsibility to do something and when I am doing the work for it, they dismiss any authority I was given to do that work and go on with their program.  Why ask me to do this or that when you were just going to do your own thing and not really include me anyway?  I always try to make peace so I allowed the change to happen, but my heart, my mind was not in it for the rest of the program so I decided to log off and listen to something on Dare to Dream network.  

I was also bothered a bit when a client's family member who was aware of what strings I was trying to pull and the work I put into finding a safe place for her daughter came at me as if I didn't try anything at all and really the family was responsible for all of her success.  Pretty much telling me that I was utterly useless.  Other people would be quick to try to salvage that relationship.  I, however, am not operating that way any more.  I quickly got the ball rolling to part ways.  I only jumped on the case because they were disatisfied with how others were treating them and that they were not able to get help.  With God's help I was able to get her into a place when every single other place I called refused to take her.  I did other work and bent over backwards, but there are some people you just can't please.  She ruined everything that was set up.  She turned everything down that was working.  I am not taking the blame for that.  So yes, I was a little bit bothered that the mother came at me the way she did, but it's okay.  I'm not dealing with that any more.  

There are other things but I will stop there.  I'm home, we are safe. I had something good to eat.  I will press on and keep it moving.  I am thankful that I can keep it moving.  I am thankful that I am moving. 

I am looking forward to doing an escape room with my sister and my son tomorrow.  Other good things are to come and I'm going to get from being bothered and get on being encouraged and inspired. 

Bonus post

 It is after 10pm tonight and I am off from work from my part time.  I told my son if he did this one thing I would spank him (in not such a nice way).  I made the mistake of showing him a video of some people doing martial arts and handling light sabers and this excited him so much that he first grabbed a ruler and began swinging it around the family room before running off to get his red and blue light sabers to do the same tricks the people were doing in the videos.

I told him repeatedly not to swing anywhere near the new smart tv that I had installed not more than 2 weeks ago in our activity room.  Repeatedly.  

I didn't spank him.  I took my anger out on the light sabers and destroyed them so much that one piece somehow ended up almost in not the next room but the living room which is the one next over from it.  I didn't get a protection plan for the tv.  I looked at protection plan options and they do not even cover accidental damage to the screen.  I had purchased a TCL 55" CLASS 4 SERIES 4k uhd hdr Smart Android TV and originally got it for about $268.  I was not sure what I had and in my haste to replace it I ordered a roku by accident but just cancelled it and placed a new order for the TCL android tv, the same as I had before, only this time, the cost is $378.  The regular cost for the tv is $488 without sales or discounts.  So that tv will arrive God willing on Monday to replace the one that he just broke.  

I had a talk with him and he apologized and hugged me.  I didn't have to beat him.  The tv which has the damaged screen can still be used, the vertical lines on the right hand side of the screen are just extremely annoying.  I am going to put it in the guest room for now. My bed room does not have the space...although I could get a mount and install it on the wall that has the mirror and just move the mirror to above my bed, I could do that.  

I am lacking feelings of anger.  Instead, I am thankful.  Without God, I would not be able to replace it so easily.  I would have probably raged towards my son and I did not.  I spent a lot of money on this backroom and I am going to do what I can to enjoy this space.  I spent hours repainting, purchased a large beautiful mirror and hung it with new curtains, shades and shelving.  I have a sofa in here and never imagined ever buying one like this.  I demolished old shelving and bought a new shelving unit to store all the books and items which were on that old shelving unit.  There were other purchases I made to do this make over.  I can't let it all go to waste. So I thank God for the funds to replace and the strength not to take it out on my son as even in his disobedience, he really didn't mean to do it.  There will be more disappointing times as he grows but I have to think of the times I have let God down and disappointed Him before I even think to raise my hand to that little boy in the room.  God is merciful to us and we need to live by His example.  God is good. It could have been worse.

Cabbage

 Happy Sabbath

Not sure what to call this blog today. I had cabbage yesterday and just enjoyed some cabbage with my beyond meat burger meal today. Cabbage it is I guess.

God is good. My son is better and had recovered really in full by Sunday.  I was not able to secure a PCP appointment this week but have something I can still send him back to school with.  I was sick as a result of him coughing in my face and my illness went away by Tuesday.  

On Sunday, since I knew that we would have to remain home I decided to go ahead with a much awaited purchase and purchased a sofa with chaise, and a bunch of gifts for Christmas for my family.  I received the sofa on Wednesday and rushed to put it together and am so happy with the purchase.  My family room/home office/activity room is nearly complete.  It is very comfortable and fits the space so well and now my son and I can lay back and watch our 55" smart tv and hopefully play some video games if I can find an xbox s series or something like it on the market.  Most of the gifts arrived. I'm still waiting for my dad's boots.  I bought my mom some adidas tennis shoes and my dad will get some Sperry boots.  He is always picking at me for the shoes I buy and claiming his is better since he paid $20 for them at Walmart or some other place. But he knows those shoes don't last. If he is going to have shoes, he should have good quality shoes. I thought about timberlands but know how rough he can be with them and wanted something that would hold up weather wise, be water proof, and still look good for years to come.  The sperry's showed up and caught my eye and I personally wanted to get a pair of them. Your welcome dad.  My son has a laptop still in the amazon box. There are a bunch of other things but I will have to wait until he is out of the house before I start packaging things up properly.  My sister asked for a samsung watch that could check her blood pressure and I got that for her while we were on google duo.  

I am thankful because there was a time that all of this would not be possible.  I would have to swap money from this account to that account and look for a credit card.  I have not needed to use credit cards for any of this.  She asked and I didn't even have to look at my main checking account to see my balance before going forward with the purchase.  I am thankful that I didn'[t have to get new tires on Thursday.  I drove out I want to say Tuesday when my pressure signal came on and usually when that happens, it means there is something really wrong with a tire and I have to get new ones.  I know I have not been driving much and I got new tires not too long ago so I was confused how I needed something now.  I went to Pepboys and they told me nothing was wrong with any of the tires.  All the tires were lower and they just filled them up with air and checked for leaks.  I will be careful traveling around and if it happens again, I'll come for them. I am thankful I didn't have to put out money for that this week. 

I was sitting with my son yesterday and he started asking some hard questions.  I keep telling him when he gets to be older..18 or so, I will tell him everything.  I told him some more about life before him and things that upset him.  I probably shouldn't have told him the significance of his birthday for me, I should have held off until he was much older.  He was upset with me about that but he was more so upset with his dad and the decisions his dad decided to do. I don't believe in telling a happy doopy story.  The facts are the facts.  He was a bad actor, but I was not smart and made bad decisions too and that cannot be hidden either.  You have to learn from these bad decisions.  

I spent time cleaning out a suit case (one of many things I need to go through that is in the hall closet).  I am thankful that I was able to get space in there to put the vacuum cleaner.  As I cleaned the suitcase and looked at tags of trips long long ago, I came across calendars and a journal, and even a letter I typed up for my former employer.  What was written on those pages hurt me but I cannot erase it. I cannot throw that away.  I need those painful reminders so that I remember not to go down those roads again.  

I am peeling the layers of my history and spending time saving the good, the necessary, and throwing away the bad, like a cabbage or onion.  I spent time cleaning the guest room and changed the layout around.  I like the new layout.  I can get in the room and know where more things are.  I have more closets to go through and more things to fix.  I am in a good place right now and I have to thank the Lord for that.  If He did not intervene, I'd be homeless.  I might be childless.  I would have nothing and be nothing and possibly not be alive.  My biggest concern this week was when is the sofa arriving and oh no, the packages were left on the front porch!  My son can choose what he wants to eat and is able to have it when he wants.  He can wear what he wants.  If he is cold he can put on warm clothes or turn the heat up in the house.  He can watch tv in his bedroom and I can watch tv in the activity room.  We can feed the peacocks that come up to the patio. He can grow, he is growing up in comfort with his needs being met.  I don't have to water down milk or stretch xyz to make a meal.  I don't have to walk away from a purchase at the register because a card being declined or tell him no because I just don't have enough.  I am thankful for this period of blessing and bounty.  I don't know how much longer it will last but while I have it, I thank God for it.  I thank Him for second, third, and fourth chances to get things right.  I thank Him for the sermon today.  I am going to go check in on my son now, but yeah, just wanted to share. God is good all the time.  Never stop praising Him even in times of distress.  Don't give Him up. Never give up the faith. And eat more cabbage.  It's good for you, especially the purple kind with leeks. 

Happy Sabbath :)

Thirty Eight

 A few days in and a whole lot of trouble.

Happy Sabbath

Today I had expected to be on the church zoom and supporting the children with today's special program. I had expected my parents and son to take off yesterday (friday) to NC to begin the vacation and continue the building project we have been working on for the last few years.  

My birthday was Wednesday and a good day.  I had played with ideas of traveling here or there but decided instead to spend part of the day finishing up a paint job in the family room (activity room) and went out to Home Sense and ended up purchasing a large mirror, huge woven basket to store blankets and pillows, and rug for underneath my desk.  I went to Michaels and picked up two bunches of euculyptus for the decor.  My parents wished me a happy birthday.  I have a handful of cousins that have a tradition of calling for birthdays but I don't have any relationship with them.  My little sis texted me happy birthday.  No one else did for those who aught to remember and those who are what they are.  I need not speak on that.  I only told a few people but really just spent the day treating myself and being at peace.  

Thursday came and was good and uneventful. 

Then came Friday morning.  I had gone through one of the hall closets to find medications and things my son needed for the trip Thursday evening.  Friday morning his belongings were packed.  I awakened to him being in my bed and coughing and was confused as to why he was even in my room, but since he was coughing and seemed unwell, I didn't force him out.  I got up and gave him some medicine and he continued coughing between 3:30am until he made it to my parent's home around 8:15am.  I had given him an asthma treatment, gave the inhaler, stuff for allergies.  I really went all out.  When he was at my parent's home, I decided then to tell my mother he was not well.  The plan was for him to go to school friday and as soon as he arrived home he and they would travel to NC immediately.  Everything for the most part was packed.  

I ended up having to take him to the hospital and we were there from 11:30ish until after 10pm.  He had a negative covid test. Xray showed no impaction.  He was just having a hard time vomitting, feverish, coughing, and not really responding.  He had to get an iv to get fluids in since he was dehydrated.  I was really thinking I would have to stay overnight in the hospital but was so happy they released us.  I still don't know what caused all of this but as a result, my mother told me that my son and I cannot go to NC with them.  I was about to leave the hospital with him and checked my phone and saw that the power was out at my house.  So I had to take him to my parent's home.  I took him there and as I waited outside for my dad to come from back around the corner after parking one of the vans, I noticed a strange white car parked across the street behind me.  I even turned and looked at them but they never rolled down the window or said anything. They just sat there.  It was not until my dad walked around the corner and approached me that the car decided to take off.  See, if you had good intent, the normal action would be to roll down a window and ask if someone is in trouble or needs help.  I was standing outside in the dark with my phone but in front of my parent's home. The woods are directly across the street from my parents and it is a particularly dark area.  I had just parked my car in my parent's drive way too.  So yeah, that happened.  I decided to wait until my son went to sleep before driving back to my house and the power came back on.  I had a late dinner, finally took a bath and went to bed. Power went off at 5am and came back on about 30 min later.  

I got up 2.5 hours later preparing to go to CVS to get my son's medication and looked out the window to see my gazebo (the newest one) flipped on it's side up against the tree and just chaos all in my backyard.  The peacock came with his boy and both of them came and got fed before I went to get my son's meds and heard that he had a tough time still overnight.  I took him home, gave him a bath and set him up to eat and relax and my dad came over to help me fix the gazebo.  

Today is Sabbath and these are things I ordinarily do not do.  I am thankful that my dad came to help me because they are going to leave my son and I probably tomorrow and if they do, I would have no one to help me fix this issue until after they return.  I showed my dad the newly painted activity room and talked about the attic and next thing I know, I am up the attic ladder I thought was broken and my son had his first opportunity to see the attic for himself.  We went up and it's just exciting.  If done right, I could have 3 good sized rooms up there.  I took video, there is so much I could do with this house and my dad can see the potential.  My son now knows what the attic is andnow he wants to go up there but he is too short to grab the string to open the ladder door.  

I am thankful that my son was able to get treated and return home.  He ate pizza today I made from almost scratch. I am thankful that I have the rest of the week off and can spend this time with my son and work on my house.  I am thankful for help.  I am thankful for health.  I am thankful for good finances.  I am thankful for these unexpected events.  Yes I am disappointed that yet again I will not be able to use a train ticket I paid for and I won't be able to go to NC for the week. But it's okay.  There is a purpose for everything.  There are 365 days in a year and out of those 365/366, my son was sick on the one day that mattered alot.  I don't know why the Lord allowed him to go through this but I am thankful that he is doing okay and we are able to spend our time together.  

In good times and bad, God is good.  At 37 and 38 as well. 

Thirty Seven

 Happy Sabbath,

A beautiful day and good week thanks be to God for all of His blessings.  I am 37 years old and on Wednesday, I will turn 38 God willing.  I wish there was a way to get younger.  I wish I could hit the pause button and stay in my 30's but time just keeps racing forward and soon I'll be a 40 something (cringe).  I am thankful for where the Lord has brought me because I really began to get my life, my act together this decade.  I'm glad I just made one stupid mistake instead of a million others like the previous decades.  

I am thankful that the Lord is forgiving and wants to see all of us win this race.  God is good.

 

I am sitting in my activity room/home office and made some major changes to this space this week.  I knocked out shelving and started painting 2 of the walls.  I need to finish and want to try finishing this week. I purchased a shelving unit and put all of the items that were on the older unit on this one.  I built a second pantry to clear up my kitchen space and my kitchen looks more like one instead of a mess like it had for so long.  I was looking and looking at tvs online and in store.  I had purposed to purchase an xbox s series but waited a day too long and they disappeared from the shelves at that low price of $299.  Everywhere else I saw them for much higher and I was not willing to part ways with my coins for a higher priced one, especially because I didn't even have the tv yet.  I showed my dad some tvs I was looking at and he pointed out a really good one which I actually looked at and took a screen shot of first a while ago.  I noticed the price was under $300 and apart of an early black friday deal so I went with his suggestion and purchased it.  With my discount, I got it for $268.  The very next day I look online and the price of the tv went back to it's original $450.  That is what I was used to seeing when I passed it and others in store.  

 

My tv arrived yesterday and my dad helped me mount it up on my wall in the activity room.  Now I am determined to get a sectional sofa for this room.  My son has the smaller tv in his bedroom with the fire stick and my home continues to shape up and become even more comfortable and beautiful to live in. 

 I am thankful for God giving me the ability to do these things around my home.  I am thankful for the Lord helping me to find the remote to the tv after it was accidentally covered from view and I did fuss and get upset and even my trust in Him waivered when it came to trying to find it.  I really felt like it vanished into thin air and I turned my home upside down trying to find it.  God was merciful anyway and didn't allow my attitude to stop Him from helping me to find it.  I need to have more patience and trust in Him and not get so angry.  What's funny is my son brought it to me but I thought it was the other remote so he put it somewhere else and covered it with my bookbag.  

 

I am thankful that this week I paid off a long standing debt I had with American Express.  I had that debt for many years and was able to just give them the last chunk after I had an issue with my password and being locked out of the account.  My credit score is 798 and may increase to higher than 800 since I just paid this off.  I have my mortgage, my student loans and 2 other credit cards that I am tackling.  I am thinking about living off of my full time income and just using my part time now to fully attack the 2 credit cards.  If I can get rid of both debts, that would be absolutely awesome.  I have been relying on my income since starting the part time and know it is doable.  God is just good yall.  If it was not for Him and His planning and putting me in this job, these jobs, none of this would be possible.  I know it was His hand and I am forever grateful.

 

 

God is good, God is good, God is good.  

 

 

Getting Started

 Happy Sabbath

I am thankful for this blessed Sabbath day. A new day and for the week to get things going. To get things started.  You shouldn't feel bummed because what you wanted to happen didn't go on the date you hoped for.  You can still get things started and continue to press towards the mark and reach your finish line. 

Or many finish lines in my case.  

This week I had some good things happen for work and am thankful that this week went the way it went for them.  People do have some hangups but I didn't allow that to stop me from getting what I needed to get done.  

The people who were supposed to do the roof of the back porch finally showed up and started the project yesterday.  I made sure to roll through and pick up my son quickly so he would not be in the way.  I was encouraged by their project to start the one I had purposed to finish in September for my own house.  

I have just started thinking about the holidays and what I would like to gift my son for Christmas.  It seems ever year things get more and more expensive and I am thinking about doing one gift for everyone this year instead of my habit of past years.  I was walking through the store the other night and saw an xbox and know that play station 5 is still not available in many places and if it is, it is being sold for 3x as much.  I started looking at the xbox s series and I guess the x series. I have been long out of video game playing. Growing up, we had the atari, followed by nintendo, gameboys, the wii, and my son has a switch.  I had in my mind to rennovate the backroom or activity room as we call it (activity room/home office) and what I would like in there is a nice flat screen tv mounted on the wall, better paint, lighting, flooring, and to get rid of that old shelving made of particle board that is buckling under the weight of my books and other junk I stashed in there.  

I decided that in order to force myself to get this going, I needed to commit and purchase some paint.  I headed out to Lowes and found some paint. Plain white paint in a semi gloss finish.  I then wandered around to the shelving section and saw a pantry cabinet I wanted on display but they didn't have the item in stock. I photographed the item and headed on and found a steel 5 tier shelving unit that I could use to replace the particle board shelving in the activity room.  I purchased that along with some stuff to fill holes and painting kit and headed on home.  Yesterday, I spent time hauling out books and things and demolishing one half of the shelving unit.  The other one doesn't look half that bad but I do not want to keep it. I will demolish that tomorrow and start painting (hopefully I can get the entire room. Then I will assemble the shelving unit and put that on a wall I had in mind for my pantry storage. I will see if I can find the pantry item in another lowes and bring that home so I can assemble that tomorrow as well and finally clear all those items out of my kitchen and laundry room.  The pantry storage cabinet is 72 inches tall and costs $90 and I will have that in my laundry room which is immediately off of my kitchen.  I hope I can accomplish all of this tomorrow or at least by the end of the week next week if I'm super tired.  

So that room I have started.  I have other plans for paying things off or down.  I have thoughts to pay for an additional room to be built on to my home.  If I can get my credit cards paid off, those funds that I have been used to paying monthly to the credit cards could quickly be saved up to pay for an addition in cash.  My strategy moving forward for most everything is to have 3/4 of the funds saved up for what ever project I'm getting into and then if I am impatient, I can put the fourth on loan or credit to get it started but quickly get everything paid off not long after I start the project. I have to start pinching my pennies and stop with the Whole Foods and Trader Joes hauls.  I lose my mind when I get in those stores and I pick up any and everything without question.  I have to redo my budget and actually stick with it.

So what I hope to do this season is to redo my activity room/home office.  I hope to purchase a tv, get some different seating in there, install that ceiling light and change out the blinds that have been sitting there for about 2-3 years now.  I hope to buy an xbox and perhaps get fortnite or some other fun game for my son.  I will need of course to get another fire stick just for that tv.  The other tv can go either in his room or the guest room. There is alot to do.  There is a lot I want.  There are other skills I want to possess and improve.  I can't just sit here and think on what I want life to be like.  I need to actually do something about it.  Get started with something. Anything. May God be with you on what ever journey or plans you have.  He created something out of nothing.  This place I am in right now, He created out of nothing.  It is beautiful what He does.  Get started with something today.

New

 Happy Sabbath

It's a good Sabbath and a great day.  Let start with what I am thankful for.

I am thankful that there is a God in heaven who answers prayer and still talks to and directs His people.  I love hearing about other people's experiences and it really is an encouragement for me to not give up.

I am thankful for a good dental appointment yesterday. I went in thinking it would be absolutely horrible and yes, it was a bloody mess but it was not as bad as I thought it would be. I need to do better and will give a better try this period.  I finished my meal about 20 min ago so I need to go brush and floss.  I will go back in January and perhaps schedule to get the work I need to get done at that time.I am also thankful that they moved my appointment up a week so I could have all of this cleaned up and taken care of.

I am thankful for the numbers I saw in my bank account. I didn't expect to see as much as I did from my full time job.  They did say my new salary would start in October.  All this year every where I turned I was blessed financially left and right.  God is good and this year has certainly been a good year, even better than 2020.

I was frustrated on Wednesday.  I woke up and attempted to get some work done while laying in the comfort of my bed on my phone but my phone told me that it had no space to even do basic operations.  I went about deleting videos and photos that were important to me and I deleted a lot of huge files but the phone still told me in it's raspy dry and ashy voice that I still had no space.  I had my samsung 7 edge phone from either 2017 or 2018.  I was a bit careless this summer and dropped it in a parkinglot and that created a thin crack that went straight across diagonally over the entire screen.  I was still determined to use it and not replace it. That phone was paid off and even though it was sluggish and would shut down at times I needed it, I didn't want to give it up.  Well, I had to this week.  I headed out to the ATT store and didn't have much of an idea of the best phones out on the market. I knew I wanted another android (I mean samsung is bae) so I let the sales lady know and she took a moment in the back and picked out a package that worked for me. I have a I believe Samsung A52 and I have a samsung tablet lite or what ever to replace my old samsung tablet my son keeps snatching away from me despite him having a fire tablet that I got him for christmas.  Actually, I don't know if it was a special occasion, I got a tablet for him because I was frustrated with him snatching my stuff. 

I am getting used to this new device. I still carry my old device with me as there is alot on it. Most of my stuff is synced over and with the new tablet, I'm back to making calls and sending text messages and am thankful to have three devices I can work around and get thangs done. I am also thankful for the cost of the devices. I can pay them both off quickly, forget this payment plan. 

I am thankful that I have the money to pay for a new phone.

I was looking through and deleting contacts in my phone and came across numbers I have not seen in some time that were synced from an ancient and long forgotten list. A list I had deleted or at least thought I did.  God said what He said.  I am working on patience with this but part of me wants to force His hand and get full view of what is to come.  I wanna know but it is not time for me to know yet.  I saved two contacts. One that doesn't have much in common with me but I was absolutely attracted to.  My issues with him were that he smoked cigs and worked on Sabbath. When he shaved his beard, the appeal was immediately lost. It was almost as if he didn't have a chin like he looked like a baby instead of a man. I'm not into that look.  But with the beard, he appeared to be the perfect man and he carried himself as though. 

The other is one that I just can't seem to let go of.  I mean hey, he called me up out of the blue 3 years later and attempted to ask me out.  This was James. The issues that don't sit well with me are that he has three children by two other women.  He is a Christian but not Adventist.

There is also that other situation, that lesson I have to learn from.  He just to be someone I know and nothing more.  Anything else that my mind may try to make up about that I have to let it go.  I was watching a program, a Godly program that talked about relationships and one thing that was brought up by one of the speakers was that for all the people they dealt with, the other person chose them. They didn't do the choosing and their situations ended up in disaster.  It got me thinking about my own situations. I too have been chosen or chased and when I decided to settle and accept the one who chose me, I was always let down.  I didn't really choose them except for one person who I thought was absolutely perfect for me.  I had such a hard heart broken time until the Lord showed me in a dream that this man was not the person for me but God had hand selected that person for a woman I had affixed as an adversary.  It wasn't until God showed me that it was His plan that I was able to let him go and with that all of the hurt and pride I had.  

I need God to do that for me even now so that I can renew myself.  I need to be a new person. A better Christian.  I have to let these situations, situationships go and want to prepare myself to be the person that He wants me to be not just to be in His flock but as a wife or whatever may come down the line.  I'm opening up my mind and giving what He has for me a shot.  I know He would not steer me wrong and knows what is best. There is healing I have to do and training. I have to toughen up. I can't weaken when and if someone is chasing me.  If God says this person is not the one, then I should never choose them back.  No matter how hard they pursue me.  Without God's guidance and blessing, without Him telling me a clear yes, I have to turn away. Or else I will be feeling the disappointment and shame that I have been feeling each time I said yes to them, only to be cast away.  

I just don't want to be an old lady when I am put with this person. I don't want to be in my 40's either.  I don't know when but have to learn to wait and trust in what God is doing.  There were times when God gave me a clear answer yet I still veered off the path and made other decisions resulting in a delay of those blessings. I want to be made new and what ever is heading my way, I want it, him to be renewed as well. We both have to be right.  Oh what I wish I could have for my son. 

Gotta give it to God. He knows what to do. 

James

 Happy Sabbath

This has been a good, a busy, and productive week and I have been blessed.  I am thankful that I was able to get the work done I needed to this week. 

I am thankful that my direct supervisor is back and she has a healthy baby girl and will understand the stress of motherhood for herself...perhaps she will be a little more empathetic as she goes through her own journey as a parent.  I need her to help me to keep on track with my caseload.  I took on way too many people and don't want to let others down so I am not sending people out to others yet. I'll do what I can.

I am thankful for a warm home. God helped me to get a heating issue taken care of last year and this year, we have heat in our house to bear the coldest of days.  I am thankful for heat.

I am thankful for a memory to go to the store and pick up black sunflower seeds. That peacock came this morning after the blue jay discovered what I put out.  I noticed that the peacock would sift through the bird seed and really just pick out the sunflower seeds so I went to get a bag of that and got it out in time for him to show up. It is a joy to see him show up at my door and knowing I can give him something that will keep him healthy and full and give him energy for his day.

Although others may think this is a poor choice, I am thankful my son is eating mcdonalds chicken nuggies.  I grew up eating a 20 piece chicken nugget with sweet and sour sauce when my parents would head off to work and leave us kids home unsupervised for 2-3 hours as we waited for the other parent to return from a long day at work.  If I was not a vegetarian, McDonalds 20 piece chicken nuggets with sweet and sour sauce would be a staple for me...along with fresh salmon or trout, jamaican beef pies, lamb/beef shwarma, or chicken tikka.  Theres a lot of things I like but I'm a plant based vegetarian and plan to stay that way.  My son has been extremely picky and avoidant of regular foods since he was a baby and that can be because of the food allergies and autism diagnosis.  I saw there were no eggs in the nuggies at school so I encouraged him to try the school lunch.  He came home claming they were so delicious and he was so happy he tried them.  Because of that, I checked mcdonald's ingredients list and decided to buy him a 6 piece, small fry and oreo mcflurry and when he tried theirs, his mind was blown.  Although it's considered junk fast food by many people's standards, to me I am celebrating because he is branching out and getting much needed protein, vitamins, fats, and other things in his diet.  The oreo mcflurry is a treat.  He is no longer allergic to soy so he can get into other things like tofu, tempeh, and soy milk.  Maybe I will be able to get him to eat cereal with milk (regular dairy or the alternatives that are out here).  He's a big boy and he is eating big boy food and that is what I have been fighting for all this time.  My mother will still purchase gerber baby oatmeal for him to eat and wonder why I won't get it for him.  He is going to be a teenager in a few more years God willing.  He is 8. Even at 5, he should not have been eating baby food and I am and will continue to put my foot down on this.

God has my son eating big boy foods and I'm lovin it. 

I went to the mall yesterday when I finished work extremely early.  I had no business at the mall and didn't need to be spending any coin but decided to seek out a certain store at the mall instead of driving far far away to ikea and wandering back with even more stuff I didn't need.  I went to the mall and for some reason, could not locate that store.  I don't know what happened. I walked all around but did not lay my eyes on it.  I passed places with a mind to return and get something else I didn't need but I'm glad that didn't happen either.  I went into Champs and tried on a pair of nubuck wheat colored timberlands and they only had the men's so I tried on sizes that worked for me in mens.  Then I asked about the prices and they told me it was $50 higher than what I was expecting. In a rare moment of self control and clarity, I told them I would pass on purchasing the shoes.  I headed back past two others that had the tims but all had the same price. A lady chased me down and told me that there was an issue with shipments and to make up for the delay caused, they were charging more and the merchants were getting hurt in the process.  I heard her but at the same time, I told her I would look on amazon. I looked on amazon and headed out of the mall...went to Trader joes and wholefoods and when I got to my parent's home I zeroed in on some tims that were of the price I expected $150 and I purchased them with the expectation they were coming tuesday next week.  

I already have a pair of black timberlands that I wore twice and I picked those up because I felt the wheat nubuck would scratch too quickly and not look as nice.  I haven't had timberlands since highschool and remember begging my parents for a pair because they were the cool kids shoe.  I was listening to a sermon based in the book of James and talking about joy and things that give us joy.  I listened to the speaker talk about his experience for christmases he celebrated with his brother and family and the joy he had when he received gifts My mind went to the timberlands and how wonderful it would be to have them to wear soon. I went to my email to see if they had been shipped and saw a notification that they were but in the same breath, I saw a notice that they were delivered today.  I immediately jumped up away from my piano and went to the front door to see a box on my front porch.  To my joy, they delivered the timberlands I wanted within less than 24 hours.  I couldn't help but laugh and couldn't believe that I had my boots, but they were $50 less than every where else was charging and here in time for me to wear tonight for work instead of waiting until Wednesday.  

God is good!

I call this blog story James because for some reason, I have been in the book of James more than several times this week.  This morning I did something I usually don't do. I got up and played the entire book reading of James while I took a bath.  Count it all joy when you fall into divers temptations.  If you lack wisdom ask the Lord for it.  There are so many verses in there that are for me right now in this season. 

I am thankful that I am still doing good at my part time job.  That guy who was involved in part of my poor decision making?  He has been I guess trying to make amends.  I still am trying to figure out myself for that whole situation. He has been coming around spreading positivity and light and at the same time, I am extremely cautious and pessimistic.  I am not used to people being this way.  I was shut down for something that did not need to be occuring and my immediate reaction was to shut him down for everything that he offered to be.  He wanted to be my friend and I didn't want his friendship.  He really is a nice person but I want to protect myself and I am still pushing him away and keeping myself closed off from everyone.I am no longer angry at him.  I can pretend that I am, but it's really hard to do and I'm sure he sees right through that.  Perhaps he is trying to get everything right because he is going to make a leap into management.  I think he would do well and deserves to be promoted if he continues working as hard as he does but just because you are taking those steps doesn't mean you have to be a friend to everyone.  Then there is this other person who I'm certain has been looking at me in that way.  They were recently promoted and I thought that by being promoted that would put an end to this person even trying to chat me up.  That hasn't stopped. I just want to go to work, earn my coint, get my groceries with some savings along the way and head on to my next gig.  

I know God wants me to be married. I know that God said I met the person before or will have worked with the person.  I just don't know who that person is.  I don't know when it will become plain to me that this man is the one and it is time to pursue that.  Right now, my mind is on my grind.  It's blessing myself with the things that I would like someone else to bless me with but I don't have anyone in my life that treasures me in that way so I have to treasure myself with Timberlands of all colors, perfume and all other manner of gifts.  I have a lot to think about and alot to do.  I have to keep myself from being distracted and be out here doing what the Lord wants me to do.  My mind has been all over the place lately but I am going to take a moment and go back over James again.  Maybe by focusing on these verses I can be on track for the new week.  I'm going to do that right now.  Happy Sabbath :)

Give Thanks

 Happy Sabbath

God is good all the time. All the time, God is good. It's been a good week.

It's been a busy week. 

Next week will be even busier.

I don't know how I am going to manage it but I will hand it over to God to help me cover everything I am responsible for.  I will admit, I have dropped the ball a bit at work. I haven't paid attention to the directions given and as a result, my last two weeks of this month are absolutely packed and hectic as I rush around to put out every fire that is beginning to burn. My direct supervisor is returning on thursday and unlike the boss and her supervisor who have looked a little at what I do, my direct supervisor will know how much I have dropped things and will speak on all.  

I will accept my failures and take responsibility for them.  Really as this month rolled around, I realized how much I relied on her as much as I didn't care much for her.  She really helped hold things together and kept me on track and I really do need her back because my brain just doesn't have the capacity these days.

For my part time job, I am doing what I can to shrug off the garment of struggle and frustration they are trying to make everyone wear.  New people come in with a new set of unrealistic rules and I see so many people balk at the orders and complain for hours off to the side.  I remind myself and them when they start to bring that talk over to me that we finish at 7am and after that, what is it?  It's not our responsibility.  Do what you are able to do and don't worry about the rest.  People can't say they don't pay them enough to do this or that because in all reality, they do. They pay more than I think they should for us to do the work we do.  I have no complaints.  So I am preparing my body to work tonight and God willing, will get through it. Get through it without smudging up my Adidas or Nikes or what ever I decide to put on.  I am thinking of a combo of black pink white and royal blue so the white and blue Adidas are on my mind at the moment.  If rain is in the forecast, I'll wear the tims. 

I am thankful that I was able to get through a longer fast period. I have not challenged myself to do something like this in such a long time.  I usually punk out and can't even get to 3 days but this time I went 3.5 days plush 45 min..what ever that is after the decimal point.  To break my 3.5 day fast, I had a delicious afghan meal I prepared components of the day before. I zested and squeezed the lemon, I dried and crunched up my mint, prepared my eggplant on my new griddle in a healthier way instead of frying in all that oil like I did  before.  It was delicious in that oil, but the person who gave me the recipe was right. Eggplant is a total sponge and soaked up all the oil. I happily ate all of the oil soaked eggplant too. I set out my ingredients in ziploc bags from minced garlic, sliced onions to be browned, tomato paste...it was a lot of preparation and I cooked that meal Friday morning and enjoyed half of it. I just finished the other half today. I am looking forward to trying more Afghan and really any middle eastern/asian recipes at home.  

I am thankful that although my son is still struggling with his egg allergy, it appears that he overcame his soy allergy completely.  It was him drinking soy milk when he was 2 or 3 years old that brought us to the hospital and trying to figure out the cause of the rashes and breathing difficulty.  He has another allergy test coming in december and I am hoping to scratch off other things from the allergy list.  I went to Trader Joes for the first time in a hot minute and picked up two tubs of my favorite soy ice cream because I don't do dairy and have not for some years.  He asked to try it and I gave him a small spoonful. He was fine in an hour. Two weeks before he had a small bite of a muffin and that lead to immediate stomach upset and a hospital visit. His throat was numb as well for hours.  Egg did that.  

He tried a small ice cream cone with the ice cream and next thing I know, he has finished one of the tubs and is working on my second one.  These ice creams were supposed to be for me, not him!  He also likes some yogurt from there and I like this watermelon jerky thing they have going on.  For my icecream, I add the pumpkin butter (they want to call it pumpkin spread and market it for meat/savory dishes and then say they are coming out with pumpkin butter on October 4th, but I am certain what ever they present will be the exact same thing, just a different label and higher price).  I layer the pumpkin butter with the ice cream and it is so delicious. I am thankful that he is not allergic because now I can give him tofu and other things I eat on a regular basis.  His diet is expanding and I'm excited for him.  He is growing and enjoying life (going to school, playing with friends, communicating better and coming into his own).  It's a joy to see and it would not be possible if it were not for God because as I was telling my son, I saw autism when he was 2.  I saw it and knew I had to take action immediately.  God had me in a course where I was learning about autism and other developmental disabilities in young children and we had to learn to diagnose all of these conditions.  I saw the signs as he developed and I studied and bought him a tablet because I knew that children with autism do best when given things with repetition.  I found many learning videos and free programs and threw everything I could at him, hoping he would pick it up. My father felt the things I gave him at one point were too advanced for him but I ignored his complaints and gave them to my son and he sponged everything up. My mother and I got the occupational and physical therapists involved. We got him in an early childhood education program at the school when he was 3 and by the time he hit kindergarten, he was not only talking up a storm and minimized stimming behavior but he was at a 2nd grade reading level, understood alphabets and some words from other languages, doing 1st-2nd grade level math and ahead with all of his other academics.  He was physically aggressive and would engage in property destruction when he didn't get his way or misunderstood his teachers/classmates so he was moved from one school to another and moved eventually into a class that had 2nd-4th graders. He was a 1st grader at the time.  He is now in 3rd grade with 3rd and 4th graders in a small autism class but anyone who didn't know him would never guess he had autism.  He no longer presents as someone who does but he still needs help and he is getting the support in this setting.  Because he is in this program we get door to door service with the bus. Bus comes and he runs down the drive way and I am able to kiss my son and see him off to school and return either tired or with a smile on his face and pictures he wants to show me.  He is doing so well.  Thank you Lord for your timing.  Thank you Lord for giving me the resources to help him.  I am confident he will be fine and I have no interest even now to see about getting him SSI because he is so intelligent and capable, he will be able to make it on his own as he grows up.  

So there is much I am thankful for.  It is 3pm.  He is sleeping on my bed and I need to take a nap myself.  I have to buy him a comforter like mine so he will get his little butt out of my room.  All the other bedding I bought for him and he prefers to come and sit on my bed because of my fluffy cloud of a comforter.  I'll see if I can find one that compliments his room. 

God is good.  Thank Him today :)

Tired

 Happy Sabbath,

I am experiencing a different Sabbath and a different week than I'm used to.  I am tired and intend to take my nap earlier than I usually do before I head to work after sunset. 

I don't want to complain. God is good.  I am thankful that I was able to get help for a client before the weekend started. I am thankful that I was able to call most (missed one) of my clients before the weekend. Something I have been missing in previous weeks. 

I am thankful that my health is improving. I am getting to a healthier weight and there are people taking notice and telling me to stop, but I have no intention until I reach a healthy goal range.  I have been overweight for most of my adult life and I was only at a normal weight (at the top constantly teetering into overweight) the few years prior to my son being born. I want to weight between 130-145lbs and I am making those changes and challenging myself to get there. 

I am thankful for a great two weeks for my son. Yes, he went to the ER on Wednesday because of the incompetence of the school, but it did not turn out badly.  I am thankful that I can keep going.

This is all I'd like to share for this week.  God is good and I hope you have had a good week and will be well in the new week to come.

Good Week

 Happy Sabbath,

I don't have much to share for this post, but God is good and I am thankful to have gone through a great week.  I went to the beach with my son on Sunday and ended up staying there half the day.  I usually set up a tent on the beach so we have a private place to change out clothes when we are ready to get into the water. It was so windy that I was not able to put the cover on but I was still able to change because of the privacy the high sides afforded me.  I went in a bathing suit for the first time and felt comfortable and confident.  My son had a wonderful time as we went shopping and to get on rides that were along the beach.  

I am thankful my son had a wonderful first week back to school in third grade.  He tried some new foods and this year is the first I am having him do school lunches.  I loaded up an account with funds to pay for school lunch only to find out that school lunch is free for the full year.  He is in his class with his best friend who is a grade above him and he has other friends around him. He is having a fantastic experience and I just hope that Covid doesn't come our way as a result.  He is wearing his mask at school but they don't have these children social distance.  

I am thankful that my job doesn't require us to go to the office every other week any more.  I am able to work from home fully for the time being.

I am thankful that at least for these first two weeks, the bus comes to pick up my son at my driveway and drops him off at school.  I changed the pick up/drop off address to my parents house because I never know when my job will require I have to go to the office or if they want us to start driving out and seeing clients in person again.  I am thankful for this service and to have my son start off on a good foot in the morning and running happily along to and from school.  

I am thankful for my home. I spent from 1:15pm or so until after 6pm outside cleaning up and doing my lawn.  I put together a fire pit for the back yard and am looking forward to use it with my son to roast our vegan marshmallows over it..and to burn my junk mail because I need to get rid of that as well.  My home is beautiful and comfortable. My son is eating new foods and in better health.  We are comfortable and happy and it would not be so if it were not for the Lord.  I have two jobs that have given raise after raise this year. I have a third gig that paid me and I didn't even know they did.  Now I need to find time to do work with that gig because that's some good extra money as well.  The fire pit I saw for sale for $42 all this time was $30 when I rang it up.  

Small things. Large things and the medium.

God is good.  Happy Sabbath :)

Uncertain

 Happy Sabbath

Ok, so this week is a marvelous week.  This week is the anniversary week of me being baptized. I was baptized back on Sept 1st 2007 and I am thankful to still be in the faith.  

With some minor and major bumps and bruises, but I am still here, praise the Lord.

I am thankful for a five day weekend that I am already in and enjoying with my son.

I am thankful that also announced on the date of my baptism anniversary that my main job gave me a $5k raise in salary.  I had even picked up a third side hustle after talking to my coworker on 8/31 and now I am making more than double what I was making back in 2015 when I first started in this field and even yesterday, I received yet another check from who knows where.  Money keeps coming in from unknown directions.

I had a store card for Sears when they were in business years ago. I opened it because I wanted to get a low price on a winter coat that my little sis put me on to.  Then when my son's father came around, he got a hold of my credit card info and used it without my knowledge. I had to struggle and pay off all the debt racked up on it and because it is a Citibank card and they have ruthless schemes of charging you and really trying to get you stuck with them, I paid that thing off as fast as I could and closed the account.  My son is nearly 9 years old and tell me why they just sent a check to me at my new home.  The paper is flimsy so I do have doubts that it could be real so I am thinking of finding a citibank branch to see if they will cash it out for real money.  There are scams out here man.

I am thankful for my income. I am thankful for my family, for time I can take off and relax, for health.

The title of my post today is called uncertain though.  I have prayed for something and God knows how quickly I forget some things I pray about.  I don't want to come on here and say what it is because it would give the enemy something to work on to deceive me and it would take away the fun and surprise of it all.  I'll just say that I prayed about something and three times, the answer was given.  What I prayed for I will not say. If I am incorrect, I ask for forgiveness.  I asked for the Lord's no to be Namibia and for His yes to Yemen.  I have seen Yemen and heard Yemen three times within the 2-3 weeks I have been waiting for His response on the matter.  Part of me wants to think that because of what is happening over in the middle east may be putting Yemen on the radar.  I have not gone searching for this stuff.  I heard it in a song that was on a comedy show I occasionally watch overnight. That I heard on September 3rd. I heard it again during a talk someone was having and as I said my memory really is trash. If I don't screen shot or put a marker in my memo pad/calendar, I am going to forget straight away.  There was a first time, but it was Yemeni (can't tell you the date or program in relation to it).  I didn't want to accept the first one so I prayed again and of course if the Lord wants you to see something, He will make sure you see it.  

I am going to be praying about this situation for a while.  As soon as I get an answer here, I have more questions.  So I'll work on that with the Lord.

I spent a wonderful time yesterday mowing my lawn.  I really enjoy mowing my lawn.  I enjoy seeing the final result after I diagonally stripe my lawn, edge up the sidewalks, remove weeds from all around the property and do some hedge work. I fixed my curtains to my gazebo, sprayed the bees nest, opened up the umbrella on my patio and relaxed in my gazebo with my feet up and a laptop watching Law n Order.  I partly want to stay home tomorrow and continue enjoying my home but I want to go to the beach.  I went last year and I am still trying to figure out what I will bring, when I will drive out, and which one I should go to.  My car needs gas and the one that has the most benefit is the furthest away.  The last big hurrah before school starts up for my son; he's going to third grade. 

If beaches are still accessible after Labor day, I may just hold off for another weekend to be honest.  I like being home. 

My tooth is still not right and I have an appointment on Tuesday.  When we are sinful, there are consequences and one consequence for me is that I may have to pay over $500 for a root canal to fix this issue.  Right now, my tooth doesn't bother me too much. Depending on how it feels for the next 2 days if it is still somewhat ok, I may ask for another month as I try to heal up.  The damage was back in July.  If things go south, I may lose my tooth.  Nobody wants that.  

I'll just have to pray and see.  

So tomorrow is up in the air. The weather God willing, looks good according to the forecast I reviewed.  I have flipflops, a new bathing suit I HOPE not to lose (I've had 2 others and cannot find them for some reason).  I would need to find/pack the following for our trip if we go: 

a tent, beach blankets/towels, ziplocs, weights to hold the tent down, at least two book bags/totes, change of clothes, need to purchase beach trunks for my son and flip flops, need a charged tablet to function as my gps, snacks for my son, sun screen, cash for boardwalk purchases, need to find my son's nintendo switch, bandaids, sparklers, baby powder, and so much more.  I'll take time to get this stuff together when I'm at work tonight.  I will be at the store so I can shop for anything that is outstanding. 

The beach sounds better than the lake....hmmm....  And then there is ice skating.  I purchased a group on that they changed the dates on for the admission so now the only time I can take my son is on Monday but I don't know if they are closed on Monday.  If I can't take him Monday, he will not be able to go.

Yeah, I have a lot of things to think about for after Sabbath.  

So I will end with God is good.  He has been awesome to me and I do not deserve the great week I have received.  I literally did figures and was thankful for my salary for what it was before to hear later that I am getting a huge boost. Never did I expect it.  God is good man.

Allowing

 Happy Sabbath,

It is a good day to be home and able to worship with my church family online.  The sky is a bit cloudy outside and rain has been on and off over the 24-48 hours.  I am thankful I was able to get out before the height of the 90+ degree weathered day to mow my lawn yesterday.  I always suit up with either a hoodie or ...ok, I wore my umbro jacket from highschool days, a hat with cover for my neck, bandana for my face, glasses, protective goggles, gloves, baggy sweat pants, two pairs of long socks, bean boots, long sleeve shirt and head phones when I went out yesterday.  That way the only exposed skin that may perchance be attacked by the wasps or bees that are always trying it is really my forehead or the upper bridge of my nose (barely).  I melt every time but I make sure to gas up with cold bottles of water and food before heading out to tackle it all.  

I am thankful that I could get my lawn situated so that tomorrow, Sunday, I can focus on washing my hair, going ice skating, and possibly making a trip to Home depot, Lowes, or Ikea which I love so very very much but have no business being in there. 

I am just thankful.  I woke up this morning from some strange dreams that I cannot at this point recall. I thought about how the Lord was blessing me and was preparing for Sabbath school for the children's lessons since I am the primary sabbath school teacher and I noticed a note I had in my memo pad list and knew that the numbers mentioned on that note were not correct. I went on to check how much my income actually is right now and am once again blown away by how far the Lord has brought me. If I were to drop my part time job now, with the savings I have acquired, I would be okay.  I had no idea I was making this much money.  It felt like every time I turned around, more and more money would be mailed to me and come my way.  

I want to be smarter about how I handle these extra funds. I have to continually remind myself to live according to the earlier budget I had set when I first bought my house. As I look off to my left I see my wants facing me in order by color on the floor. I had the money and heard the words, "go treat yourself" from others and I ran with them and I will admit it was not the wisest decision.  But my feet look great in every single pair of those shoes. Every single last one of them, even those I have not even worn out in public yet.  I spent alot of money this summer on wants and I have to reign it all in now.  September is almost here and I am prepared for autumn with many of my purchases.  God is good, but I know this is not it.  There is goodness and better that the Lord wants me to experience.  I am trying to open myself up and allow for the Lord to show me.  Show me what I need to change within myself. Show me how to properly open up and accept someone/anyone He feels should be apart of my life.

I'm working on allowing Him in. I'm working on accepting His help.  I watched a podcast/youtube video that had this actress named Essence and when I finished it earlier this morning, I was in tears and can't even tell you why I was crying.  On Sabbath, I usually stay close to Dare to Dream or 3ABN when I want something to flash across my computer or tv screens.  I came across this video hours before and listened to testimonies she had and it was so encouraging to hear what she had to share.  She talked about the Holy Spirit directing her to open a school at her home and how without her even knowing, her pastor who happened to stay at the guest house (later turned school building) prayed and blessed that space.  God moved and worked through her friends, her church family, and used her to do this marvelous thing.  She talked about we need to let go of thinking that you have to be special to get to a certain level or role in life. As long as we have the desire, and work at it and put God first, we can be what we want to be.  We have to be committed to seeing it through.  

I was crying near the end when she talked about that.  One thing that constantly comes up in my mind is a desire, my love for language and learning about other cultures.  I don't want to be a travel vlogger.  I do want to enjoy a trip once a year with my son. I would very VERY much love to be bi-lingual in a language that is not common in my part of the US and I would hope that knowledge of that language would open doors for work to allow me to travel. I would love to be an international translator, but I have not taken the time and committed time to learning any of the many languages I have purchased books, borrowed books, watched videos on and engaged with total strangers on. Right now my interests are in Arabic, Farsi, Russian, French, Yoruba, Twi, Norwegian, and my old time favorite Spanish.  There are others I have taken time with and fortunately had the opportunity to travel to experiment with but I am looking at Arabic, Farsi, and Russian the most.  I just feel like I could do a lot more with them. 

The other part, the main part she talked about was marriage.  Yes, I know the Lord answered my prayer last month that He thinks that I should be married.  But I have not been moving in the best way to become that wife someone would want to marry. I can't imagine a life where I can trust another human being with everything I am; with my son.  Essence had been married before and although she is divorced, she talked about how beautiful of an experience it is to be covered as God intended a man to cover and be there for his wife.  It must be something.  

If I were married, my husband would mow that lawn.  If I were married, my husband would take out the trash every week.  I sat with my son talking about what type of dad he would like to have.  My son wants someone who he can play with and he wants me to have another baby.  I told him that if I were married, we would adopt but I would be okay if my husband had another child about the same age as my son so he would have a peer to play and grow up with.  He needs this so badly and out of anything, I want to be married to give my son the dad he never had.  I'm not even thinking about what I want him to be for me.  I really want him to be absolutely wonderful, loving, nurturing, protective for my son.  I want him to adore him.  If he cannot do that, I don't want him.  

My son has a name that he wants his dad to have.  He picked it because of some child in one of his earlier classes (I guess the child was a foreign exchange student, I don't know because he claimed the child had a different ethnicity and spoke something like French and described a different hair texture).  I guess my son wants me to marry a caucasian french dude?  There are times I'm for it and then there are times or really I come across videos showing how this person's interracial relationship could not work.  You can be married to someone of another race and still be racist against that race you married.  

If I allowed the Lord to put someone in my life, in my son's and my life...  I spoke it outloud so I can say it on here. He has to be 6'3".  I don't want any shorties out here.  I have beautiful shoes and I have heels I want to wear and I cannot be towering over my significant other.  He's supposed to be covering me, like come on. 

Last time I came on here and shared about what the Lord had answered, the enemy had stirred up people at my job to try to confuse me and make me think that this guy at work could potentially be the person the Lord had for me.  This is why I stress that when you pray for something, do not speak it out or even write it down.  The Lord knows your heart and thoughts.  He can hear your prayers and Him alone UNLESS you speak it out and then everyone, their mama and the enemies of God know so they can work their counterfeits schemes out on you.  So I am praying about all of this.  

I am used to doing everything myself and enjoy having that control.  It's hard for me to imagine a life where I share that with someone else who can make decisions that alter my life.  Much to discuss with the Lord.  My son was not feeling well so I am going in the room to check in on him.  

Have a great Sabbath and allow the Lord to change something in your life today.  We are given freedom of choice. Let's make better choices and allow Him to do the leading.

Pressing on

 Happy Sabbath

Trying to press on the upward way. It's hard to do but I have to keep going.  My body feels weak and I have not been getting enough rest.  I am trying to tackle bad habits, negative thought processes, and issues with my health. 

But God is faithful and good and I thank Him for bringing me through this week even up to this point.  I had my gyn appointment this week, the first in over 2 perhaps even 3 years.  I had a positive experience and my results came back exceptionally great and I praise thank the Lord for that.  But as I was waiting for results, I have to rebuke myself. For the thoughts I had that truly were not right and what I had set in my heart at the time.  Never can I put myself in a place like that again.  This year, this summer has taught me there is much work I need to do on my spiritual health than I realized.  

I am trying to improve my health. I don't like the low number I saw for my thyroid. I love soy products and had them steadily in my diet as a plant based vegetarian for all these years and I am going to make some adjustments in the new week. Oat milk is available and a better alternative to rice milk which was something I used to get into from Trader Joes.  I am going to try using oat milk and fewer soy products.  I am going to swap out more gardein process foods for foods in the natural form.  Like today I had Amy's chili, but I also made a fetticine with chick peas, mushrooms, and onion.  I opted not to use the gardein chicken scallopini and I'm glad I did because I have so many canned and dried goods that need to be used up.  I am out of room for storage and had to even throw away some of the dried goods.  A church sister drops off food from a local food pantry to all church members and I often end up giving the bulk of it to my parents as I don't have room, don't eat much of that kind of food and some items are frozen meats like chicken, fish, or beef.  I don't do dairy or eggs either.  

I purchased a vitamin d and iron supplement. Both areas were severely affected and I have to work on them.  I saw that eating seaweed can help thyroid function because it is rich in iodine.  I was making veggie sushi for the first time about two weeks ago and still have some nori around.  I am going to stock up on that and get in the habit of making sushi or eating seaweed snacks, especially the wasabi snacks which I love so very much. I'll also look for a vegetarian iodine supplement to add to my regimen.  

I am trying to take better care of myself and to start, I need better time management. I am going to take an afternoon bath and prepare for my nap this afternoon which I need before I go to work tonight.  I have to help at a church function tomorrow so I will really need my rest.  Sunday, I had gone ice skating with my son and we had a blast.  I intend to go again and had purchased a groupon so we could get a better deal again. Last time I skated was like back in 2004 when I had a semester class of ice skating in the fall.  I didn't fall this week when I went and feel it is actually better than roller skating. I am able to spin around and stop easier. Just so long as the ice is smooth, its a good go. My son fell dozens of times but kept getting back up and now he is almost a pro.  I even remembered how to skate backwards and try some tricks which I was not brave enough to do when I had the class. I skated better than when I was in that class years ago.  And all with a knee brace.  I thank the Lord for that experience and I look forward to more.  Next weekend I want to go to the beach. I received my bathing suit in the mail yesterday and will plan a nice weekend for us before my son returns to school.

No matter how hard things get. No matter how much the enemy wants to bully people and believe me, he bullied me this week.  NO matter what happens, we have to press on.  So I'll go and hope to post a positive experience on here for next week. Keep going!

Happy Sabbath and have a blessed day and new week to come :)