Depression to Determination

Happy Sabbath,

I’ll keep this short but I had a good week and a pleasant surprise today at church.  Hope (at least I think that’s the fake name I gave for her) came with her husband and her two children to church today.  It was my first time meeting them but I had heard a lot about them.  Her daughter is 3 and her son is almost 1 years old and such a joy to be around.  They are talking about trying to move to another town several miles away in this state and I really hope that it works out for them. 

I was hit with a situation that really had me in my feelings for a while.  My son has been behaving terribly at times, and although it has improved at home, he is not too great with my parents. My parents claim to be Christians but when a test comes up for them, they run away.  I know who I believe and why I believe Him.  I have told many people my story and I am still learning that no matter what I say or how often I say something, people can choose to either ignore, forget, or create excuses for why things in my life have turned out the way they have.  I am used to people praising God’s name when it is convenient for them.  Now I work Monday through Friday and my job allows for me to create my own schedule.  I can shorten any day as much as I want to with little to no notice and I have my Saturdays and Sunday’s free.  It is seem by many people that Saturday is a great day to get a job and this is what my mother continues time and time again to push on me. 

Yes I want a house.  Yes I want to create a business or find a part time job opportunity that will help me get a little extra needed cash to continue my adulting process, but I have Sunday available and several afternoons available during the week to do this.  I just need to find something flexible enough.  My mother once again told me I would have the money if I worked on Saturday and I was bothered because she out of all people should know or remember what I’ve told her.  She then went to say that I told her that God spoke to me in a dream when that was not true.  God did not tell me in a dream to observe the Sabbath.  You can read my earlier blog posts to see why I observe it.  I recall prior to this we were talking about my son’s behavior and she keeps saying the devil is in him but she won’t pray with me for him.  As I was praying, she was ready to move on to something else and actually did. 

There are other things that happened and I’m sure that perhaps you have gone through similar things.  You may not believe as I do, but you believe in something.  You know what your experience is and why you are motivated to move in that direction.  The verse for today was Let not your heart be troubled.  Ye believe in God, believe also in me.

Yesterday it was “But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name.

And before that was In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God. (John 1:1; John 1:12, and John 14:1).

The Word is Jesus, and the Bible is God’s word.  I believed and still do believe His word.  If you believe what something is saying, you will do your best so that your actions will show it.  I am not saying I’m perfect.  I know I am far from perfect.  I am not complete with what I should be doing and I have made choices knowingly that are wrong and Jesus sees this.  Every day I fall, I have a choice to stay down or get back up and try to do better and right for the next moment. 

As many as received him…to them that believe on his name.  That power, that connection is extended even to me.  Just because I have not seen someone come back to life or witnessed the red sea parting, doesn’t mean that He would withhold power to do such things.  These things happen if it is His will that they should occur and if we have faith and complete commitment. 

I was bothered by what she and others said, but I can still get up and move forward because I know my experience.  I know in Whom I have believed.  I see horrible things in the news.  I am pestered by people at work who are lead by something not good.  I cannot confide in family because they do not believe, they have no faith.  That had me feeling discouraged, depressed even.  I thought about my first seven years of being an Adventist and how the decisions I made and my son’s father ruined seven years of witness.  Prior to him, people listened and had interest in seeking God.  They tried different churches, they were happy about their new experiences with Jesus.  They were changing into better people. I was discouraged this week, but Jesus says do not let your heart be troubled, believe in Him. 

Jesus was who sought you from the beginning and who you met (I hope).  Don’t forget it was Him.  Don’t pay attention to the people and things around you.  Pay attention to Him because if nothing else, He is really all that matters.  He really is a true friend to the friendless, a father to the fatherless, and everything to anyone who is in need of something pure, good, and complete in their lives.  I read those texts and I am reminded that Jesus is with me and still for me and I want you to know that He is there still for you too. 

So don’t be discouraged when you share your testimony and the person you thought closest to you does not recall or seem to care.  Keep sharing your testimonies, but talk to Jesus.  He will lift you up and help you to keep pressing on.  Stay with Him and you will be alright, that I can guarantee.

May you have a wonderful Sabbath and a blessed new week to come.

A Happy Day

Happy Sabbath,

I have had a good week and I thank God for allowing me to see today.

I went to church today and was able to hear the entire sermon without distraction.  My son was at times a little noisy, but I was able to quiet him and hear this time (not having to deal with other people’s children who with my son, make hearing impossible).

I have been doing okay at work.  I am working on saving money for my emergency fund (still praying for that house next year).  My garden is growing on my balcony and  I harvested my sweet potato leaves this week and enjoyed them with some pasta. I like to slice the sweet potatoes thin and roast them at 450 in the oven, but when my oven broke over a month ago, I had no desire to use my sweet potatoes.  Leaving them out, they started growing shoots and leaves and I wondered what would happen if I put them in some soil.  They grew as if on steroids when they touched soil and the vines threatened to take over my kitchen so I put them outside with my palm plant which initiated the who balcony garden (an attempt to save my dying palm).  Today my palm has a new gorgeous green frond and I had a gallon size? Plastic bag full of sweet potato leaves I grew.  I am continuing to grow them along with squash and other crops (tomatoes, spinach, grapes, beets, etc…) and it’s exciting.  I even had a little praying mantus come lives on my balcony. 

So I thank God that my garden is doing great.  I am praying for my son however.  He has been having some terrible fits and is becoming threatening to others, using words and phrases I know he did not get around me or my parents. He also claimed to see monsters and is afraid of sleeping in the dark.  This is nothing more than demon harassment and my family is no stranger to it.  I ask that you pray as well for my son, my family, and I so that God will get the glory and evil will not take root in our lives. 

Aside from this, it has been a great week a blessed one at that.  I have the simple nourishments and comforts I need/like and a peaceful quiet environment.  I thank Jesus for it.

ER Scare

Happy Sabbath,

I stayed home today with my son to give him a rest and keep him out of the heat (and away from any other sick children). 

Now Sunday, I received a dresser that my little sister no longer wanted when she moved out from my parents’ house.  It was the same dresser I grew up using and my older sister used so when my mother said she would throw it out on the trash, me with my shabby chic DIY self jumped at the opportunity to claim it.  My dad came over to my apartment for the first time since I’ve moved here (over a year later) and helped me bring it in.  I spent Sunday going back and forth to home depot getting them to cut shelves, painting, and lining the edges with gold spray paint.  I have taken a several days long break and need to get back to working on it.  I want to find a marble or chopping block top so I can use it as a proper kitchen island.  I removed the drawers, knocked out the back, and couldn’t find casters to fit for the bottom so I put soft padding temporarily until I do find casters that I like. 

I went through the week with some issues at work, but the bigger problems came with my son.

Tuesday, my son was sneezing and sniffling, but it wasn’t that much of a big deal.  He at times puts his face on the floor and things that are not food close to his mouth that have bacteria.  He has not been around anyone who was sick and he also rebels when I tell him to wash his hands or face so getting sick was just a matter of time.

Wednesday came and I reminded a client I would be coming on Thursday and they tried to cancel on me (like they usually do last minute).  In hindsight, I think perhaps that unbeknownst to them, they were being impressed to cancel as I would have a challenge to deal with at that hour.  However, I refused to have it so I requested to come 1.5 hours later instead.  On Thursday, (really started at 2am) my son started vomiting and coughing.  He had a fever that went away, but complained and was sick all morning.  I called the PCP and scheduled an appointment for him on Friday because I was certain he would continue coughing and might get worse.  His nebulizer machine also broke Thursday morning, so I was told I would have to make an appointment with the PCP to get a script for a new one.  I was able to hold the button and get the treatment from the nebulizer to work and he stopped vomiting and was willing to eat and drink at his grandparent’s house.

I then went to work and my first appointment was okay, but before I could do my last appointment, I received a text from my mother saying she was taking my son to the hospital.  He used to have the title reactive airway disease but now he has asthma and they said he was becoming unresponsive.  

I cancelled my last appointment and headed to the hospital in torrential pouring rains and dodged at least two vehicles that were not paying attention and almost hit my car (one lady was backing up and the other one was speeding).  I was about 10 minutes away when I received a call from my mother that they decided to send him home.  They gave him a new nebulizer and scripts for medications I would later pick up from the pharmacy that evening.  My son went to his appointment on Friday and received an antibiotic to help clear up the cough and other stuff for the asthma. 

They recommended that he stay home for the next couple days so I’m going to see how this goes. Today was the first Sabbath in some months that we did not go to church. 

I want to thank God that my son did not have to be admitted to the hospital.  I am thankful that He permitted them to give my son a new nebulizer on the spot and I did not have to wait for a script from the PCP or seek out a medical supply store for one.  I’m glad that my son is doing better now.  He still has something to cough up, but he sounds clearer and is more energetic than before.  We might go to our church meeting tomorrow morning, I’ll see. 

I was not only hit with the ER incident, but I also was asked by my mother to type up a new permission slip and God put the words in her mouth to do this as the letter came in handy later the same day and the next day. 

I was on the road with a bunch of crazies cutting me off, riding on my bumper, and speeding in bad weather on Thursday and Friday.   I rushed to the hospital in severe thunderstorms that slowed down a interstate highway I depended on.  Even my phone (on Friday) decided to start acting up claiming it couldn’t charge because water was in the port.  The last time water was in the port was June 30^th so I know that was just satan messing with me.  My phone has been kept safe and dry ever since, but only when I am scheduled to drive to unfamiliar new territory (it’s happened three times now), the phone starts acting up like it needs to strand me claiming water is in the port. 

I thank God for helping my son and I to get through this week without being stuck in disaster.  I thank God for saving my majestic palm.  That plant was dying.  I put it outside in a last ditch effort and it has a healthy new frond open and soaking up the sun.  The frond was closed ever since I first purchased it.  The rain and direct sunshine has helped not only the palm, but the papaya seeds I popped and dried have round green sprouts, my tomatoes are getting taller, my squash and spinach are growing and most of everything looks great and healthy.  My only trouble plant is the grape vine.  It looks like the vine is making some progress, but I’ll give it more time to see.  When the wasps are not out there, I enjoy the balcony space. 

I thank the Lord for this week and for keeping my son and I. 

A Wonderful July 4th Week

Happy Sabbath

God is good all the time.  All the time, God is good. 

I had a wonderful week and I thank the Lord for the opportunities I had to take my son places so he could have fun experiences to reflect back on. 

After sunset last Sabbath, I took my son to see an amazing fireworks show not too far away from where we live.  I was thinking we would be sitting in our car in the parking lot, but I saw droves of people and children walking with glow in the dark sticks heading to the main area that was blocked by police.  I drove around slowly in this unfamiliar part of town and on the same road (on the same block really), I found a parking space that went unnoticed by the other drivers.  I have a small car so I parked easily there and walked my son up to the area in time for the show to start.  The only other fireworks show I’ve seen outside of what my parents used to do when I was little was at my hometown park about 17-20 years ago.  Probably longer than that actually. 

On Sunday, I decided to stay home and move my plants out to the balcony.  I moved my tree first and then a bunch of other plants, reclaiming my kitchen that was quickly turning into a jungle. 

On Monday, I didn’t feel like driving and changed my mind so much about what we could do.  I ended up taking my son to the YMCA and we went swimming for a good part of the afternoon and had fun. 

Tuesday, my original plan was to harass my parents, but remembering that one of them was serious about not wanting to see us that weekend, I decided the morning of to cook a July 4^th meal in 1.5 hours, pack it into this cute picnic basket that came with four ceramic plates, mugs, silverware, and gingham spread, and took my son, my tent, umbrella, and a bunch of other items to the lake for the day.  I had a wonderful time at the lake and we played in the water and contemplated doing a paddleboat ride (decided against it because too many people were asking about it and I couldn’t figure out how to secure him in the boat if we did). 

A lady visiting from Dominican Republic struck up conversation in Spanish with my son and I, which was nice.  I normally don’t talk to strangers or have anyone go out of their way to talk to me and I thought it was funny because some of my church members just flew to the Dominican Republic on a mission trip the day before.  I wished her well on her vacation at the lake and my son and I made sand castles, watched the ducks and geese, splashed in  the water, and had a blast.

Wednesday, I went back to work and ended my work week on Friday fairly quickly.  On Friday, I was leaving my first appointment when I noticed some great pieces of wood at the curb.  I had helped my dad move an old dresser into his van as he will bring it to my home eventually.  I plan to turn it into a kitchen island and to also do something fancy with the drawers, which are of good wood.  But the wood I saw on the side of the road looked similar to pallets and I always wanted to create a pallet seat for my balcony.  I have been looking for perhaps a year for free pallet wood and usually I would see some but not have my car with me.  I took both pieces home with me and they were in excellent condition, barely dirty, and had the bolts and screws in place.  I at first thought it was a platform and then attached the pieces to see that they work together and I stood it up as if it could be a fence or vine/plant holder. I then put it together like a bench and now I’m pretty sure it was a bench swing at some point.  I have it on my balcony right now and yesterday I welcomed the Sabbath sitting on it with blankets, magazines amongst my thriving plants under a quiet sunset.  I plan to find an outdoor seat cushion for it, but it looks fantastic without anything added even now. 

My dad bought my mother a new suv on Monday, which was nice to see.  My other sisters are moving around (in and out) and making good changes in their lives, so that’s always a blessing.

I have been giving more thought to planning for home buying and I read my award letter on Monday at the office.  My salary was being increased by $3210.00 and I would receive a $400 bonus.  This increase puts me closer to achieving my dream of owning a home.  I have the money to put down 20% on a home in the range that I am thinking of and there are usually a lot of homes in the town for the price that I am considering.  The homes there are great (built in the 60’s), the township is great and the schools are improving.  My problem right now is paying off my two credit cards.  With my current salary, if I had that to start and if I had a little more self control, I would not have the debt I have now.  I can pay off the debt tomorrow, but that would cut into the funds I have saved for the down payment, house inspection, and other things I imagine I would need.  My credit score dropped from 800 to 735 or something and I don’t want it to drop below 700 or I won’t be able to get a good mortgage.  So that is my challenge right now, to pay off the cards at a steady-quick pace, build another emergency fund, and be ready to make this move by May of next year with approved loans to back me no later than January 2018. 

I was so happy about the extra money, I forgot I needed to save and not act like I’m not in the struggle.  On July 4^th, I went on one site to find fantastic sales for a preppy clothing retailer and purchased a bunch of stuff I don’t regret. I’ve wanted a Vineyard Vines lanyard for some time now, especially after my son took scissors to my other one so I ordered a lanyard and a few clothing items full price (except for one shirt) and I kind of regret doing that, but it’s done and I’m not sending the stuff back.  I also went to another site that I needed to visit and stocked up on jeans and will get two cool purses too.  I’m back to adulting as of July 5^th, but I am thankful for this salary increase, for the finds I made as far as the purchases and the bench-swing thingy that really has livened up my outdoor living space.  I am thankful that my parents have a reliable vehicle to use to travel to our summer property so they can get real work done, build it up and make it extra special.  I am thankful I could go to beaches, the zoo, the lake, and other places with my son and to give him some wonderful summer experiences.  I am thankful for God putting nice people in my church who are understanding of my son’s behaviors and offer helpful advise that does work. 

I am thankful for this week and this Sabbath.  My son is taking a nap and I think I’ll take one too.  It really is a great day.

Happy Sabbath J

Wishy Washy Testimony

Happy Sabbath,

This has been a wonderful week for me and I thank the Lord that I was able to experience it.  Sunday, I purchased some soil and planted some spinach and summer squash.  I had a productive work week and was able to end my work week on Thursday afternoon to begin a 5 day weekend, which I very much enjoy. 

I took my son to a zoo that a church sister recommended when I told her about the first time I headed to a certain beach.  I put in the coordinates and drove and was surprised that the gps lead me in a way where I didn’t have tolls (I didn’t have that setting selected so I was even more confused).  God knew I needed to save my money and would have to transfer some dough, so I'm thankful for that!

I went to the zoo with my son 10-15 minutes after they opened and had a great time.  We saw many beautiful animals that God created and walked through a forest. The zoo was free by the way, so that is also something else to rejoice over.  We saw gorgeous exotic birds, giraffes, lions, and even people flying through the trees on zip lines which too was exciting.  We stayed there for a little over one hour before heading the rest of the way to the beach. I found parking right at the main area and paid $5 less than what I did before which was fantastic.  I debated on whether or not to bring my tent which I cleaned sand out of the night before.  The tent doesn’t do too well with high wind, but I decided last minute to pack it and a 10lb kettle bell.  I brought the back packs, snacks, an umbrella that I didn’t use and the kettle bell and it worked extremely well.  The kettle bell and other items kept my tent from moving too much and I had a shelter for my valuables while enjoying playing with my son in the waves. 

We walked the boardwalk and I purchased a shirt, some cotton candy, water ice, sun glasses, and tickets to an attraction and we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves before driving back home the same way we came. 

Today we went to church and listened to a sermon about not worrying about anything (God provides).  Some church members are headed on a mission trip to Dominican republic tomorrow so their travels and activities need prayer sent up behind that. 

I am planning on taking my son to see a fireworks show after Sabbath (9:30pm or so) tonight so that is something else to be excited about. 

My Dad celebrated his 76^th birthday this week and the Ancestry DNA test I ordered last week arrived just in time for his birthday and for me to send it off to the post office.  His test will answer more questions I have and I’m sure he has about himself.  I was also able to finally get my car serviced and my AC fixed.  I surely needed it for our road trip we had yesterday. 

I am enjoying being off and being able to relax.  My summer squash and spinach have emerged early.  My plants are thriving and I do not see hoards of bees and wasps on the balcony so I am considering putting plants outside to take full advantage of the rain and sunshine and perhaps get a good harvest this year.  The bees and wasps were out with a force from March to late May.  Perhaps they came by to treat the area again when they came to fix my oven this week, I don’t know. My employer also said that we would receive salary increases beginning July 1^st so I’m curious to see what my new salary will be. 

This is a wishy washy testimony thanksgiving post, but this was my week and I’m thankful for it.

God is good.