I celebrated another birthday this week and thank the Lord I
could see it.
I turned 33 and as happy as I am to reach this age, my week
was overshadowed with the feeling like I could not achieve excellence. I started looking at the lives of other
women who were parents, their income, their professions, and feeling very much
inadequate. I took a quiz on one
website that told me I was $333 too short each month of being in the middle class. I grew up in a middle class family and
despite my upbringing and supports, I still didn’t measure up, or so I
thought.
Prior to these thoughts coming about, I went out on Sunday
and had a great day with my son at a park. It was however, embarrassing to leave the park after being
there about 2 hours because my son wanted to stay and went into a screaming fit
when I demanded he leave.
Monday I saw my son off to school and went to the park and
enjoyed exercising and climbing a hill.
I went shopping for many Christmas presents and had a care free day.
Yes, I buy Christmas presents for my family and have done so every year. I think Christmas is a good time to
spread the message of Jesus’ love.
I went through the question of how I should do this for my son. Some weeks ago I bought lights for my
living room and was looking for a nativity scene that didn’t have a physical
image of Jesus, but decided to return these items and really plant just to talk to my
son about why we don’t do a tree or have a set up like my parents always do. We are going to have some tough years
to come (he has been trying to sing songs about Halloween and that is just not
acceptable in my home).
Tuesday I did the same as Monday for exercise and met my son
at the school bus. It is nice to see my son off to school. I was able to get the feeling that some stay at home moms get and I liked that a little bit.
Wednesday, I went to a store after my son went to school and
bought many educational and school related items for him, plus some candy that
no body needs (pop rocks are everything).
Thursday it rained most of the day and it was cold. I took him to an allergist appointment
and they told me he was allergic to even more items. We argued about the results of the previous test and my
point was confirmed with the test this week. I want to have him tested again but by another specialist
because I feel like they are guessing and don't know what they are doing (plus trying to cover up errors).
How can my son be severely allergic to chocolate, but he downs the stuff
at any turn he can make and there are no issues?
Friday, I took him to the dermatologist and I knew that the
PA was full of baloney but I needed to refill his scripts. Last time I answered his question about
what I should use with the word Eucerin and he told me that I needed to use
Aquaphor. This time I said
Aquaphor and he changed it to Eucerin.
He says the same spheel every time and I am annoyed by it. I really think he does this to try to
seem smart to the technician that is in the room with him. So yes, I need to find a new PCP that I
don’t feel like I’m getting shade from when I take my son, and new
specialists as wel.
I dropped my son off and took the gift card my mother gave
me for my birthday and went shopping at a store she doesn’t realize I don’t
care much for: TJ Maxx. TJ Maxx is
the sister store of Marshalls, the store I worked at for a short summer and saw
someone with ADHD be discriminated at and my blood did boil. I started developing carpal tunnel
syndrome but that stopped once I quit working in the storage room like a
slave. Yes I said it.
I wandered around the store and did notice they have quality
and name brand items. I saw some
nice Sperry boots but put them down and looked at duck boots for a while to
determine they really didn’t have a size I could be comfortable in and I
probably wouldn’t wear the ducks any way. I saw shawls and thought about the commercial with the song,
“the girl with nice nice clothes, where she gets them no one knows., everything
you want, she’s got it…”,and I put that mess down. I wear coats, hoodies even, not dainty shawls. I went to the athletic section and came
across a nice Northface fleece sweater jacket. I walked away from it back to those ridiculous boots and
came back to the jacket, tried it on wandered back to the boots to realize the
size didn’t work, and decided to buy the jacket. It feels good and works really well under my black quilted
jacket that is like a shell in some ways.
That way I can hide the logo.
I took a test/poll by CNN that didn’t have as many questions
and it told me for the county I live in, I am $2000 off from being in the
middle class. However, when I
tried the same numbers in the county I could most afford housing and where my
job is located, I am in the middle class.
These polls and other people are always going to have a different if not
negative opinion about people like me.
I am black, single parent (no father in sight), and 33. But despite this, the Lord has blessed
me with a comfortable place to
live, good health care, a great job, a great son, and the tools and
opportunities to do better. I am
$333 short of being counted in the middle class with the first Rassmusen poll, but
we are still doing good. I could
be on welfare. I could be living
with my parents again. I could
live in the hood or a desolate rural area. I do lack some things that I believe would make my my life more care free, more successful, more middle class, but in reality, it's all about your attitude. You decide to be happy in the moments the Lord gives you.
My son is talking to me in sentences. He is asking me what I am doing. He smiles and laughs, He reads books and helps me with food preparation at times. My son is a gift that keeps giving every day. He kisses me on my cheeks when he knows he's been bad. I love him very much. My home is comfortable. I have a semi reliable car. I have AAA to help with that semi reliable car. I have a lot to be thankful for. I am comfortable and I choose to be happy. Middle or no middle class status.
I am going to enjoy this Sabbath at home this afternoon. God is good.
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