Somewhere Near the Middle

I celebrated another birthday this week and thank the Lord I could see it.  

I turned 33 and as happy as I am to reach this age, my week was overshadowed with the feeling like I could not achieve excellence.  I started looking at the lives of other women who were parents, their income, their professions, and feeling very much inadequate.  I took a quiz on one website that told me I was $333 too short each month of being in the middle class.  I grew up in a middle class family and despite my upbringing and supports, I still didn’t measure up, or so I thought. 

Prior to these thoughts coming about, I went out on Sunday and had a great day with my son at a park.  It was however, embarrassing to leave the park after being there about 2 hours because my son wanted to stay and went into a screaming fit when I demanded he leave. 

Monday I saw my son off to school and went to the park and enjoyed exercising and climbing a hill.  I went shopping for many Christmas presents and had a care free day. Yes, I buy Christmas presents for my family and have done so every year.  I think Christmas is a good time to spread the message of Jesus’ love.  I went through the question of how I should do this for my son.  Some weeks ago I bought lights for my living room and was looking for a nativity scene that didn’t have a physical image of Jesus, but decided to return these items and really plant just to talk to my son about why we don’t do a tree or have a set up like my parents always do.  We are going to have some tough years to come (he has been trying to sing songs about Halloween and that is just not acceptable in my home).

Tuesday I did the same as Monday for exercise and met my son at the school bus. It is nice to see my son off to school.  I was able to get the feeling that some stay at home moms get and I liked that a little bit.

Wednesday, I went to a store after my son went to school and bought many educational and school related items for him, plus some candy that no body needs (pop rocks are everything). 

Thursday it rained most of the day and it was cold.  I took him to an allergist appointment and they told me he was allergic to even more items.  We argued about the results of the previous test and my point was confirmed with the test this week.  I want to have him tested again but by another specialist because I feel like they are guessing and don't know what they are doing (plus trying to cover up errors).  How can my son be severely allergic to chocolate, but he downs the stuff at any turn he can make and there are no issues? 

Friday, I took him to the dermatologist and I knew that the PA was full of baloney but I needed to refill his scripts.  Last time I answered his question about what I should use with the word Eucerin and he told me that I needed to use Aquaphor.  This time I said Aquaphor and he changed it to Eucerin.  He says the same spheel every time and I am annoyed by it.  I really think he does this to try to seem smart to the technician that is in the room with him.  So yes, I need to find a new PCP that I don’t feel like I’m getting shade from when I take my son, and new specialists as wel. 

I dropped my son off and took the gift card my mother gave me for my birthday and went shopping at a store she doesn’t realize I don’t care much for: TJ Maxx.  TJ Maxx is the sister store of Marshalls, the store I worked at for a short summer and saw someone with ADHD be discriminated at and my blood did boil.  I started developing carpal tunnel syndrome but that stopped once I quit working in the storage room like a slave.  Yes I said it. 

I wandered around the store and did notice they have quality and name brand items.  I saw some nice Sperry boots but put them down and looked at duck boots for a while to determine they really didn’t have a size I could be comfortable in and I probably wouldn’t wear the ducks any way.  I saw shawls and thought about the commercial with the song, “the girl with nice nice clothes, where she gets them no one knows., everything you want, she’s got it…”,and I put that mess down.  I wear coats, hoodies even, not dainty shawls.  I went to the athletic section and came across a nice Northface fleece sweater jacket.  I walked away from it back to those ridiculous boots and came back to the jacket, tried it on wandered back to the boots to realize the size didn’t work, and decided to buy the jacket.  It feels good and works really well under my black quilted jacket that is like a shell in some ways.  That way I can hide the logo. 

I took a test/poll by CNN that didn’t have as many questions and it told me for the county I live in, I am $2000 off from being in the middle class.  However, when I tried the same numbers in the county I could most afford housing and where my job is located, I am in the middle class.  These polls and other people are always going to have a different if not negative opinion about people like me.  I am black, single parent (no father in sight), and 33.  But despite this, the Lord has blessed me with a  comfortable place to live, good health care, a great job, a great son, and the tools and opportunities to do better.  I am $333 short of being counted in the middle class with the first Rassmusen poll, but we are still doing good.  I could be on welfare.  I could be living with my parents again.  I could live in the hood or a desolate rural area. I do lack some things that I believe would make my my life more care free, more successful, more middle class, but in reality, it's all about your attitude.  You decide to be happy in the moments the Lord gives you.  

My son is talking to me in sentences.  He is asking me what I am doing.  He smiles and laughs, He reads books and helps me with food preparation at times.  My son is a gift that keeps giving every day.  He kisses me on my cheeks when he knows he's been bad.  I love him very much.  My home is comfortable.  I have a semi reliable car.  I have AAA to help with that semi reliable car.  I have a lot to be thankful for.  I am comfortable and I choose to be happy.  Middle or no middle class status.

I am going to enjoy this Sabbath at home this afternoon.  God is good. 

Yet Another Good Week

I awakened from a nap this Sabbath and there was a good tune in my head, but it is gone from me now.  It is a song I’m certain I never heard before and thought about writing it recording it on my edge 7 with that SoundCamp app.  I used the Soundcamp app last night playing the song with the melody for We are standing on Holy Ground.  

I didn’t do the words, but played the piano melody, complimentary guitar chords, bass guitar combo, and drums.  If I didn’t live in an apartment complex with thin walls and know my neighbors were home, I would have sang the song to add another layer. It really is a good app for people who like making music and you get good quality and access to various instrument sounds for free (I feel like it’s better than Garageband on apple products).  On a phone or tablet, you can do just so much more.

I didn’t come on here to talk about this app though.  God is good.  This was a good week for me.  Sunday, I took my son to a riverside park and we had a good time.  I wanted to bring headphones but I decided against it so I could hear the birds sing, the wind blow, and to have an experience with God outside.  I parked and we walked up to the river and he threw twigs, leaves, and anything that I deemed biodegradable in it’s stream.  He petted dogs, played on exercise equipment set up along the path, greeted with a family that had a soccer ball and met a man fishing at the other end (he had two catfish in his bucket still moving around).  We took great pictures, enjoyed the warmer weather, and had some educational moments. 

Monday I went to the office with no issues.  Tuesday I was on the road for a good portion of the day.  Wednesday I had to work an extra hour.  Wednesday was October 19^th, the now 2 year anniversary of that accident.  I didn’t have any issues going to work but I will say that in the morning when I went to drop off my son, I was parking and a car further down at the end of the road was coming my way.  In the light of that vehicle I saw a large cat or dog walking about 500 feet toward my car.  When the lights shined upon the road, the creature ran off to it’s left in the direction of the short woods that make up the distance of almost ¾’s of a block of average size suburban homes.  I always look around when I come that early in the morning (5:15am-5:30am) and the only wildlife I’ve seen that stay over in that little section of wood during sunshine hours are deer, a solitary beaver, the occasional falcon or hawk, wild turkeys, and wandering housecats that have left their homes some time ago. That beaver would come across the street and hang out all around the house and I always would see it alone. The section of wood across the street is isolated and too far inland my family’s town that it’s hard to figure out how deer even made it over. 

I suppose they run up the street at night trying to follow the scent of a stream that is narrowly bordered by homes and pets barking and scaring them further, faster up the road.   The deer in the small wood across the street from my parent’s house are in many ways trapped there, but seem to be making it out alright regardless.

However the creature I saw coming up the street did not look right.  It could have been a male house cat or a dog, and I have not seen dogs or any other creature trotting up the street early in the morning ever.  It also could have been a raccoon, but what ever the case, I stalled in the car hoping to turn my lights on and see what it actually was.  It ran into the woods and did not come back out.  I decided to get over any fear that could be in me and got out of the car and carried my sleeping child into their house so he could sleep there before him going to school and so I could go on my way to work that morning.  What I didn’t know was my dad was watching from the window and he was up to open the door on Monday too (I think because my mom may have reminded him that  the day was coming up for me).  On Sunday my mother told me about my aunt deciding not to go to NC because of the anniversary of her husband dying (he had a heart attack in front of her in their living room).  I told my mom about the day and she said she didn’t know what day it was and tried not to think on it.   I was surprised that my dad was up those two mornings at all. On Sunday I also shared with her my experience last year.  I was headed to work and passed the spot where it happened.  I continued up the road and when I went to take the ramp to another highway, I was on a path towards roadkill and I could not divert my car in time to avoid it, thus feeling the wheels run over it.  I never ran over roadkill before until that day and how horrifying it was to do so on the year anniversary (within the hour) of that horrible accident in 2014.  I know it was satan who set that up, but I know it is God who has helped me every single day walk forward and get in my car on days I needed to.  All souls are precious to the Lord and  He cares even for the lillies of the field and the birds of the air. I will never forget what happened. 

I got to work, worked an extra hour because the ceo sabatoged my schedule with an unannounced mandatory hour long training (since he had us captive for the mandatory staff meeting), and I arrived home with no issues.  Thursday and Friday were successful and uneventful. 

I am here at Saturday and well Friday night and this morning, I decided to listen to songs by the group Unspoken.  At my first car accident January 13^th, 2014, I lost my cd which was in the cd player of my Dodge.  That was a cd I may have mentioned in an earlier blog and connected to a most wonderful part of my early Christian experience back in 2006.  Unspoken was the first concert I went to after being invited by a friend the Lord put on my path.  I had no idea how much influence my friend had and that in many ways, he helped set up this concert event on the campus of what I now can call my graduate alma mater.  I remember buying one cd that was I think cheaper and enjoying it for a short time but my friend asked if we could switch and now I think of all the cds that I ended up having.  I believe it was him who was intentionally leaving them for me to find (he not coming back to claim them).  I believe through him I was able to get the Lauren Hill Unplugged cd, and Selah.  He even gave me Best of Worship (the red part two cd  that was released I think back in 2004).  Those cds plus Unspoken, and Mennonite cds from at that time, my Mennonite church formed the soundtrack of a good 5 years of my life moving forward.  Last night and this morning, I found myself revisiting songs from the past with Unspoken.  This music is for worship and to see how far the Lord has taken  them is truly amazing.  The other year I was listening to KLove radio and heard a new song from them on the radio and although it took a while for the dj to announce who was singing, I knew who was singing almost immediately. 

Once Sabbath ends I am going to reorder that cd.  I am “going” to get a copy on my computer and on my phone so if I lose the cd again, I will have it still with me.  Get that all up in the cloud.  Next week I will turn 33 years old and have been a strict vegetarian for a month.  I  watched videos from TheyOverCameBy and read other encouraging text. 

I am just having a good day and feel good.  I will be with my son on vacation all next week and will have the opportunity to see him off to school and home every day.  There are a lot of unknowns tomorrow, but I know Jesus holds the keys to my tomorrow and because of that, I have nothing I need to worry about. 

God’s got me so I need to make sure I am getting for Him.

Bye Note 7, but Hello Edge 7

Sometimes there is Adversity

I had an interesting if not challenging week this week, but the Lord brought me through and I am home and okay with it all. 

After sunset last Saturday, I went and checked for any new information about the Galaxy Note 7 phones and found one website that said Note 7 owners could exchange their phones at ATT and Tmobile carriers.  I have ATT so I decided to transfer the last of what I thought I would need to my email before putting the phone in a bucket in the tub in the bathroom. 

I typically keep my phone on or off charge at a special place I have next to my bed…by my face.  In the morning, I got dressed and took my son and the phone up to the ATT store.  The phone rode in the trunk, that I just repaired in September.  The sales guy had no issue exchanging my phone and I picked up the Edge 7, got an otter box case with clear plastic protector window, and two braided ATT brand D style cords free of charge.  I even was refunded $7. 

I went on to my parent’s house to see my great aunt and cousins who came up from down south for a funeral.  I spent more time than I thought I would.  Now I assumed I would not be talking to one cousin who came up.  I felt as though she didn’t want to be bothered with me and since we walked different life courses, we didn’t have that much in common.  I did decide to make an effort to be hospitable and connect.  She disclosed something to me that troubles me. She is doing something that is very similar to what I did four years ago and I pray that the Lord will reveal to her what she ought to do.  She told me not to tell anyone, so I will keep that promise. 

I had fun playing on one of the pianos my parents have.  There are two full size wooden upright pianos and one Yamaha full size Clavinova piano in that house that I have enjoyed playing over the years.  My youngest cousin (now 11) has studied for about 2 years and she impressed me with her progress.  I just downloaded a great music app on my phone that allows me to play piano, bass, guitar, a standard trap, has a synthzer and voice options.  I also received a new keyboard charger so I can allow my son to use the medium sized keyboard and teach him on it (I used to use that keyboard to teach other children when I was a member at one SDA church years ago.  But enough about the music (I could play for ever if permitted the opportunity because I enjoy it so much).  I had a good Sunday.  Now Monday I worked from home for most of the day and my son was not feeling well.  He picked up a new germ and spread it to me and I’m still coughing from it today.  Later that day I drove and the same guy who was driving in July at the same time of day, was driving directly towards me and another driver in a one way two lane road.  He knows what he is doing but one day it won’t turn out so well for him.  I moved over to the side to give the driver to my left room to escape should the guy get bold enough to try an extra block and crash head on. 

Tuesday. 

Tuesday my son was supposed to go on a field trip to a farm but he was so sick that yet again (what is this the third time?) I had to keep him home from school.  I went off to work and drove about 34 miles to one meeting to find out that the person I needed to see was not even there and people forgot.  I spoke to one person who would be at a second meeting in another town and agreed to reschedule the first one and still see her for the 3pm.  I headed to another location in the same town and my car broke down.  I also learned that the person for my second meeting, despite reminders sent, they forgot too and I had to wait there 1.5 hours for the person to arrive. I also had to wait for AAA.  AAA came and jump started my car and I decided to press on and not have them tow me 34 miles back home.  I drove to my 3pm to find the person I agreed to still meet had to go home because her daughter was sick at day care.  I went to my fourth with no issue all the while trying to make it work with my Edge 7 that was not connected to my agency’s server.  I was sending from and forwarding messages from my business account to my personal gmail and I don’t like doing that.  I got to AAA and the car would not start up for the mechanic in the bay. 

Now the Lord was looking out for me because he had a lady who was sitting behind me offer me a ride home and she lives in my town 10 minutes away.  She was also familiar with my parent’s town and as a traveling tax accountant, she had no problem and enjoys driving as much as I do.   I originally figured I could borrow the car my older sister gave up to my parents but came to find out that the insurance was getting dropped on it effective Thursday, if not the same day (sister had to come by and drop off the title or something).  My dad was also working on the car so that meant it was not yet drivable.  AAA would close at 7pm and the only shuttle was the guy who was closing up the building.  I took the lady’s offer and she talked about her need to pay it forward and was a really cool lady (seemed in her mid 40’s if not 50’s).  I was dropped off and saw my sister in the driveway so that meant the other car was not an option and I would have to rent.  I stayed over at their house and couldn’t take a shower for long because my dad thought I was wasting water and he is hard of hearing at times. My son coughed me all over the bed and I didn’t get much good sleep.

The next morning I picked up a rental from Enterprise and drove no less than a mile to have the tire pressure signal go off.  I turned around and received a mixed response from the sales girl and drove the rest of the day with worry that I might actually have a flat and it not just being the sensor malfunctioning because it’s a newer car.  I drove to town and could not find a parking space like I always do, so I ended up paying for parking, which I hate.  I talk to the administrative assistant but this time, she could not figure out how to connect my phone to the server so I am going another week without being connected and that means I need to bring my heavy computer every where I go.  I left the office 15 minutes early because I was hungry and wanted to get food from my vegetarian spot that has been my spot early on during my first round of vegetarianism.  I walk all that way to find they closed permanently.  I look across the street and see my favorite Indian spot that topped the other one that is now over priced is closed permanently too.  I decide to stop in a place where as a meat eater, I would only order smoked lox with lemon cream cheese wraps.  I ask if they sell rice bowls at this time of day (first time I ever stepped in there they said I had to wait till 4pm), and this time they said yes.  I order and I am so hungry that when I get my food, I expect to eat in the car. 

First time ever they gave me food without eating utensils.  Satan played with my food man.  And worst of all, I was driving a rental so I didn’t have spare forks or spoons I could reach for in the glove compartment.  I remembered a youtube video that showed how you could make a spoon out of paper if you didn’t have eating utensils.  I arrived at my meeting place early and made a spoon with the paper and ate several bites before the “spoon” started getting soppy because of the moisture in my teriyaki tofu bowl.  I made a second one before finishing and leaving for the meeting. 

I arrived to the meeting to realize I was missing an important paper.  I embarrassed myself by asking the host to give me a blank copy of theirs (I’m the one to bring these items). 

I left for the day and when I got nearly to a service station where I planned to fill a tire with air, the tire pressure icon disappeared, plus when I pulled in the area, there was a long line so I wasn’t going to do all that.  I headed to my parents to pick up my son and my dad wanted to try to pick an argument with me so I opted to get a car seat and take my son home.  I like baths, not showers.  The next morning I took my son to their house and drove only to my meetings.  I called AAA because they forgot to call me.  Then they called me and said I would have to give up $654 and some change because they found the problem.  It was the steering column and the ignition switch.  And it was $300+ for labour costs that really hurt me.  I wanted to pay off my credit card bill, but that was not going to happen.

Oh I forgot to mention, I received a bill from EZ pass declaring I didn’t pay a toll and I had to pay a $30 violation fee.  I looked through my phone and one thing I sent to myself from the Note 7 was the EZ pass payment I made the day before they said I had a violation.  The website said my account was active and in good standing, but they still wanted to charge me.  I waited days for someone to return my call about filing an appeal but did not receive a response.  I decided to go ahead and pay it and when I did, the system would not give me a confirmation number.  So that means if they want to say I didn’t pay that violation, they could.  I have the receipts and I still want to appeal despite it being paid, it’s not fair. 

Going back to AAA, I paid the $654.  If on Tuesday, if I had to have the car towed, I would have towed it to my mechanic, but I drove it to their store and it was held hostage.  I don’ t know if I could request that they tow it to another car repair show, I don’t think it works that way, but they fixed it in good time and I didn’t have to rent a third day. 

Friday I drove my car without issue, found a parking space, without issue, and got home without issue. 

Good things this week: my car was fixed, I managed to remain vegetarian for another week and clothing is fitting better, and my son and I have started an indoor garden.  I planted a ginger plant on October 7^th and it has grown two more leaves since.  The ginger was a broken off piece that I put in the cabinet in a paper bag and forgot about for a good while.  On October 9^th, my son planted a few handfuls of beans (I mix navy, black, small red, kidney, and other varieties in a big container and scoop them out to cook rainbow beans whenever I desire).  I also planted a full bulb of garlic cloves (separated some) in a third container.  This Sabbath morning, my son’s beans are standing up, the garlic is growing like weeds, and the ginger is doing well.  My son gets to see these creations grow and the beauty that God creates even in the simplest of things, and I get to have a harvest of yummy garlic, beans, and ginger because those are staples in my home. 

This was the week that didn’t make any sense to me, but regardless of being stranded, giving up the Note 7 (was a beautiful phone), getting a cold that felt like pneumonia at times, and having to toss out spoiled produce that I didn’t have a chance to enjoy because I worked over time and some (I’m salaried, I’m not permitted to work overtime), God is good and He helped me through. 

I give God the glory and the praise for this. 

Blessed and Kept

I just woke up from my nap this Sabbath and feel so rested and a week in closer to my health goal. Praise the Lord that I am still doing this. I have noticed changes since starting 27-27 on September 27th.

My clothes are fitting better, I am regular daily since day two, my urine is looking clearer, and I am changing my taste buds. I can taste sweetness in Eggplant. I am enjoying the candy sweetness of pineapple, banana, and other fruits. I am trying to take my vitamins more and I am getting healthier and healthier each day.

This week has shown success for my diet plan. I am eating cleaner and look leaner in the mirror. I have been hit with challenges. I received a bill from EZ pass (violation notice really) accusing me of not having sufficient funds for a toll. But since I got this phone, I got my account back in good standing (card had just expired) and I took a screenshot of the payment's receipt on the 19th. Their website said my account was clear but that was not communicated to their scanners. I should not have to pay this so I am challenging it.

Also the Note 7 catastrophe that is going on. I have been following the news closely to hear what my next steps are. No second recall has been issued and I have an accepted Note 7 and enjoy it. I will probably have to lose it which I'm sad about. This phone can do so much but perhaps it's for the best.

Man is always trying to make something powerful, more awesome, and more multitasking than in the past but when man is doing this, they don't always consult with the Most High about its production, purpose, or other aspects. It's like building the tower in Babel, but the Lord shut that down. What ever items I come into possession with, I should use them to glorify God, not myself. That is an active lesson for me as I have issues with pride, desiring an image of success that wins praise of non-God fearing hustlers who are around me. I don't need to have the latest smart phone, designer boots, bags, clothing styles, hair, or lipstick to be successful. I like those things but I don't need them.

I pray that I continue to have cleansing take place not just with my diet, but my heart.

Also, just an update from last week. My client who took the bus, he arrived home safely around 5pm. I did not receive an explanation as to why the mother did not come to the meeting but I'm glad my client was ok.

It has been a good week and the Lord is always good. Praise the Lord for who He is!

Health Safety and A Clean Heart

I am in a health journey right now. This week was good. I was feeling better since getting sick the other week and continued getting used to my new phone. Now back on Saturday last week or Sunday, I decided I was going to cook my last package of chicken thighs that were frozen. I took them out and fixed them up and planned on making some jerk chicken again. I have wished I was Jamaican and just recently realized that over the years, I have been using a typical combination of Jamaican seasonings in my meals and didn't even know it. Plus I love the sound of steel drums and the Little Mermaid as my favorite Disney movie so I must be Jamaican right? I went about cooking the chicken and it did not smell right. I know an off smell when I smell it. I decided to toss it in the garbage and finish up my turkey I cooked up the day before when my son started crying.

Now he is three and although he has a speech delay from autism, he is talking more and more, owning his little adorable self. He said, "No Mommy, don't eat it. Eat vegetables. That's trash!" He continued to cry at me and try to get me to throw away my tasty turkey meal, but I was hungry and not about that. I started the work week still without meat or poultry to eat. I made a vegetarian meal on Monday (had tempeh in the fridge so I hooked it up). I also bought a nice quilted jacket for fall, but had to struggle through several other try ons and learned my biceps are thicker than they used to be. I'm a bigger girl but still see myself as that size 5/6.

On Tuesday I started thinking about my birthday and the bible plan I was finishing. In a month, I would be 33 years old. Will I be where God wants me to be? Will I be where I need to be? Jesus saved the world at 33, what about me? I looked at pictures of myself when I threw myself into God's plans. I was happy, not necessarily the fittest, but a healthy slim, strong, and in the best health of my life at that time. I was glowing.I was a strict vegetarian who traveled the world and held onto my values and lifted up/spoke about/shared Jesus whenever I had the opportunity. I made opportunities and had my own ministries.

I want to be her again.

I decided to do a veggie get healthy challenge again. Ever since the birth of my son, I have struggled to commit again and definitely with the new job (new last year anyway), being back downtown on my favorite block to work and having direct access to all of my favorite veggie and non-veggie restaurants has taken a toll on my body. I still laugh at the fact I'm the same building where my favorite bookstore used to be. I would be there when I wasn't at church or the library. When I was graduating, I wanted to be treated to dinner at a fancy restaurant in that building. My family never took me but here I pass that fancy restaurant every day I go to the office and go upstairs. Now I'm veggie so I can't do it, but I still would like to.

God can turn anything around for your good guys.

I decided to label this journey The 27-27. I will go one month veggie and doing healthful things. My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and I have a responsibility to take care of what the Lord has created for tools of his use: me. 27 to 27 filling up with good, clean nourishing Foods, rest, water, exercise, and reading scriptures daily. Study plans, good music, and working on good goals (learning a new language, scheduling those doctor appointments, detangling this denseness I call hair). Being the best I can be. Being a better mother and having more mercy and patience.

I started this on Tuesday September 27th.

Now I forgot much of Wednesday and Thursday. Friday came and there is a lesson to be learned from it.

I dropped my son off at the grandparents and headed to work. I was scheduled to have a meeting at 3pm Friday. Now Fridays I typically end them at 2:30pm so I have time to prepare for the Sabbath. I never schedule late but this time it was an exception. I know my client's mom is having a tough time emotionally and financially.

I texted her a reminder of the meeting and requested certain documents be sent to me or brought during the meeting. She faxed them right away to me so it left little doubt that she digested the entire message. I sent another one following up and about scheduling another in October. She never replied. I drove to the meeting location and met with her son and other team members. We thought the mom was running late so the host specialist decided to cancel my client's ride home around 3:15pm or at least she thought she did. Four pm came and someone called down the hall alerting us to another bus for my client. I told the host not to put him on the bus, but she proceeded to after we all tried calling the mother and the un-working number of the sister. I remembered the address of a daycare his sister owns, but another team member asked me what I would do if no one was there. It was rainy and close to rush hour. That location is 24 miles away (the way I would have gone). It was a daycare hidden away and I don't think there was a business name out front. The first time the mom told me to come, she gave me the wrong address and I never made it in. But I did discover my favorite Jamaican vendor had a brick and mortar store front at the wrong address location so that was my benefit. They have carts around the city.

All thoughts, saids, and dones, my client got on the bus and left. Prior to the meeting I discussed with his mom that if she came (because of course she would), she could give him a ride home. It never went down like this. The host said that if no one was there to receive him, they would contact the authorities. I felt terrible that this might happen and we finished up the meeting before going our separate ways.

I drove down the road during a rainy rush hour expecting to be stuck in crazy traffic. I did not encounter it and I was confused like is this not 5 o'clock? I get to the grandparents to learn that as my son was getting on the bus to go to school, my dad noticed the bus had a flat tire. The bus driver decided not to move the bus and the other children on it were stranded. My dad took my son off the bus and drove him to school on time. My mom allowed the bus aide to use the bathroom and mom texted my son's teacher about the reason for the delay. Another bus came and transferred the children and picked up the rest still waiting at home.

Although I was not happy about my client getting on the bus, I was not the most empathetic to his family's situation, partly because I don't understand it. I wondered if his mother's failure to show up or at the very least respond was a result of illness, mental illness, or even drugs. I am not sympathetic to drug situations but God is working on me.

My client may have been stranded on the bus but here my son was prevented from getting stranded. Perhaps I should have taken my client in my own car, but I don't know if I am permitted to do that. Out of all my caseload, he is the only one who is very unpredictable and he rarely has more than 2 words for me, and that is with much trying. I am also not clear about his diagnoses (psychotic disorder, hyper speech, intermittent explosive disorder, autism) and to have him riding in my small car without an honest complete report from his mother about his progress and the effect of his psychotropic medication switch (she paints him harmless in one light but then occasionally tells me about the bizarre and aggressive behaviors that have popped up), I wanted to do it but didn't think it was safe for me.

There is a lesson in this.

I did not receive a response to the texts or calls I made to her on Friday so when I got home and bunked down for Sabbath, I blocked my phone. Now this morning around 8am, I received a bizarre text message from her phone as if a child was playing with it, but there were real words in there such as "iphone" and others. Kinda like when you are too lazy to type so you press the microphone button and talk? But you also are hitting random keys and creating nonsense words.

I looked at it and then someone tried to call from that same phone number right after the weird text came through. I didn't answer. I will check the Voicemail later to see if it's to apologize for the text, report her son got home safely, or something else.

The lesson I glean from all this is to try not to judge and not judge harshly. I am blessed. My son could have been stranded on that bus, but he wasn't. I got a call from the school social worker that morning thinking it was about him not even supposed to get the bus, but she called me to change the wording to my son's plan so it passes state standards. We do almost identical work only I have to drive and support adults with disabilities.

I could have been stuck in traffic going and coming in that cold rain, but the Lord didn't allow it to be so. I have to be kinder, more sensitive and respectful and going on this 27-27 challenge, I see the way I look at my families, my teams, I need to improve.

I'm hoping for the best when I listen to that Voicemail.

God is good to us inspite of our internal issues, selfishness, fears, and other problems.

Pray for my client, his family and pray for me.