Resurrection Weekend

Happy Sabbath and Resurrection Weekend!

Jesus went to the cross and died for us on Friday, rested in the grave on Sabbath,  and rose the first day of the week, early Sunday morning.

He died so that we could live. Let's celebrate His life and stay connected to Jesus, allowing Him to live through us and our lives to take on the greater purpose He offers us. A life with God is life indeed.

Praise to the Lord and thank Him for His Amazing gift

Gay

Happy Sabbath

I have gone a solitary two weeks now struggling to keep focused and positive. I am still in the process of planning where I will live and did talk to a real estate agent. It's in moments that are toughest people say that the Lord is closest, but I have not been on my best behavior and I will admit that I question that just for my life.

I had a prayer on Wednesday this week. Now Thursday, it wasn't what I asked for, but it did serve to make me aware that Jesus can work on even what I sometimes view as hopeless situations.

It's really difficult to talk to people set in their ways. Set on the path to destruction. In many ways, I identify with this person in my poor obedience, desire to waste time in ungodly entertainment  (watching Scandal, reading ratchet news), and other actions that are not befitting a good child of God. My language at times is pretty bad too and prior to my son being born, it never used to be this way. I allowed the root of bitterness to get in my heart and I have to get it out.

This guy is a receptionist, well dressed, and very flamboyant. He sat at the desk while discussing rachetry with a female colleague and took a little too long to acknowledge my presence in front of him. He asked me who I was there for and proceeded to call the person over the phone. He then went on to talking about a call he received from an older lady who wanted to pray for him.

Now I partly focused  the conversation because I was doing a service note over my phone, but I also thought he was trying to make fun of the person who tried calling and praying for him. I soon realized that this was not the case and this guy really took his experience with the lady to be confirmation for God trying to work in his life. And so did his ghetto friend who acknowledged it and supported him pointing it out.

I had to call her that and no I'm not sorry.

I completed my appointment and when I returned to the parking garage, I ran into the same receptionist and he said "have a great day " to me with a beautiful smile.

Sitting in the lobby hearing his conversation and passing him was a blessing to me. If God can work on a gay guy, He can most certainly work on me.

He doesn't abandon us if we have done horrible things. I know the horrible things I've done. I know some of the horrible things my past clients have done or been involved in when I did psychotherapy. They killed, they did drugs, they stole, they lied, and they were terribly victimized, but in each of those cases, Jesus is still there for all of them.

So my testimony is the gay guy that Jesus was reaching through a random phone call from an old friend of his. The timing of the call and topics were key for him in knowing that there is a God who loves Him and for me to hear his testimony is cheering for me.

House

Happy Sabbath

The night before I expected to go into work, I told myself that I would not carry any bags.  I have never gone to work without carrying some form of bag in all my memory and Friday morning, I decided I would leave my bag in the trunk.  I prepared the paperwork at home because of the binder I keep stocked and with me most of the time.  I didn’t even want to carry that as I parked my car and walked my usual 25 minutes to work all to avoid parking fees and get some exercise.  I also am usually the first person to open the office and I beat the security guards so I have that peace in the morning to focus on my work. 

I made it to work and a few people came in to their desks to work on their computers about 45 minutes later.  Then the office manager came in and brought me a messenger bag with the company logo on it, because I’ve been there for six months now. 

I had to laugh.  And so I decided against saving all other details on my phone and printed out the information I needed, put it in a file folder and put it into my new bag that I didn’t expect to be carrying at all. 

I like that Herschel bag, but it just got so heavy and cumbersome this week. 

I think that’s also because I had a challenging week; I don’t want to say bad, but that’s how I feel. 

I was verbally and emotionally attacked by family and I am in an uncomfortable place right now.  I have people dictating how I should parent my child,  attacking my character, and all sorts of other mess.  I have grown up with emotional/mental abuse and I am in a place where I am currently dependent upon them for housing. 

The argument happened Sunday.  My family member broke the new watch that was on my wrist after grabbing my wrist and then both of them said I broke it.  Then one turned on the other and accused the other of bullying me.  I left the house with my son and took him over 25 miles away to a park and then we went to a museum which tricked me with the parking because it did not list anything about parking costs on their website.  We stopped at Burger King and ate in the car.  He took a nap and I pondered what I would do. 

This week, I registered to become an Uber driver.  I asked others what they were doing for extra income.  I stopped by a housing authority office and picked up an application.  I sent a request to check out a house by a regular realtor in the area, a house that probably has a lot of hidden problems with it.  I thought about picking up another rental application.  And finally, I spoke on the phone to my life insurance agent who suggested I do the work he was doing.  He claimed he was making six figures each year and has been doing this for seven years.

This morning, I looked at my verse for the day.  I was 95% going to move forward with putting myself at greater financial risk and taking on a house payment.  The only debt I have is student loan debt and I have a 750 credit score even after all the mess that happened three years ago.  I was a solid 800 when I bought my first car then, and these loans are keeping me stuck at 750 right now.  I can only afford to put down $14,500 cash for a down payment and that is not nearly what I need to start.  I don’t want to rent again and I don’t want to continue living in this house now.  I want my son to have more than I ever had and I know I’m extremely limited.  I cannot give him the world.  Only God can do that. 

My verse this morning said: “I wait for the Lord, my soul doth wait, and in His word do I hope.”  Psalm 130:5

I drove by that house.  I saw it on the Trulia website and looked at with google maps  and satellite view.  On google maps, there were high bushes grown up around the front and the yard was a mess. There is a small creek in the back and an expanse of wood that gives you some privacy.  Neighbors are on both sides.  When I drove by, I realized there was a metal fence around it and a shed in the back yard.  The other home had a wooden fence, one I prefer.  If I am able to keep my job, I could afford that house, but then there is the issue of health insurance as well as child care for my son.  He might be without insurance come April 1^st and I’ve already started looking at prices of his medication without the coverage.  I am putting money away until the decision comes through the mail.

If I am going to move, God is going to make it right.  He is going to tell me when I should move, if I should stay, and how I should live.  He’s done it before and never steered me wrong.  I want to know where to go.

Another Great Week

God is good to me. I've had a challenging but good week and was able to get through thanks to Him.

I had a situation that started around the time I got sick. It's still going on, but I know I am able to endure it. The other was me being sick and when I went to work Monday and was concerned about my cough. I couldn't talk for more than a few seconds without me having the urge to cough. I worked until about 1:00pm. I had a lot of down time and decided to take an online professional development course that was worth two work hours. I did the training in less than 10 minutes because I reviewed the PowerPoint instead of the Web cast (webmaster lasts 2 hours). I finished the training, took the test and printed out my certificate to give to my supervisor. I then decided to leave work and call my doctor's office and they were willing to see me at 3:15pm. I took the trains back to my car and drove out to the dusty town that they were located at with 10 minutes to spare.

I thank the Lord I was able to be seen that day. I thank Him for the medicines they prescribed and the fact that I have health insurance.

My son's health insurance is in jeopardy, but I know the Lord has fixed issues in the past on the wire. I don't know what will happen, but I want to give this to Him. My son has food allergies, reactive airway disease (precursor to asthma), and dermatological issues. His system is so sensitive and really anything can set it off balance. God blessed in the past with insurance starting on time and other things.

I have been able to get to work in the midst of my other situation. I was able to stay on top of things. I thank the Lord for the strength He gives me and the ways He has helped my family.  

The Middle of the Sargasso

This is an old post from October 2015 that some how got stuck in draft form.

It's Sabbath and cooler this week due to a hurricane and nor'easter  that rolled through.

Yesterday was a great day and I was blessed. I was blessed by having everything u needed to brace the elements from the hood on my new toggle coat and green crocheted neck thingies (best name I could come up with) to my hunter boots that I made such a big deal out of having to have. I don't normally go after expensive things. I like quality and try to get it when I can.

God permitted two humbling moments to come my way because He knows how my heart is when I am wearing them.

I wore them for the first time Wednesday and expected rain. I really wanted it to rain so I could show the world I owned these beautiful but silly pair of boots. I parked my car after an awkward drive in them and arrived at the train platform to find my train was running late. I finally got on the train and to arrive for another train and those trains were having trouble too. 

I got the next train and arrived at my stop point. I got up to the street level to decide : well, I didn't make 8:00am so I can show more of the world my awesome shoes by showing up at that new food mart the mayor made a big stink about that just opened up a week or so ago. Surely they'll appreciate seeing such great shoes!

I marched down the street in my shoes and suddenly a car raced by and splashed gross city water on my shoes and me. That hasn't happened since 2005 and this is what, the second time?

I  get inside the store that is packed with hungry people. I order and pay for my food. Then I wait for my number to be called.

And I wait and wait and wait.

Although I paid for my purchase, my number was never called. I ended up thinking they called 22 when they were on 122. After 25 minutes of me staring these food workers in the face, I got my food after showing them. It wasn't their fault.

I felt important and that I needed to show the world my boots. God had to humble me. I left the store with my last memory of having those purple headphones I might add because I still can't find them! I went to my office building to run into the man who hired me and he said his train was running late. I told him all my supposed misfortunes as we stepped into the elevator. He said to me, "well at least you have your rain boots."

Rain never touched those boots for the rest of the day.

Yesterday, I wore them with my coat and neck thingie I made last month I think. I really appreciated them yesterday as I saw some people less fortunate and those who didn't anticipate getting cold rain at that be fully exposed to the storm. On my ride home, I sat on the last train and a woman sat next to me. At the start u didn't realize she was a lady because I didn't look at her. I don't like people sitting next to me on trains because of one dude trying to molest me and others striking up crazed conversation devoid of sanity and sense, my past self trying to appease others. Now I feel far from it.
This lady had an odor of liquor and dirt and she was falling asleep which meant that she might fall asleep leaning on me. But know I still thought she was a man at this point. In the past I would not recoil. In the past I would be kinder in thought to people like her. I went through some mess involving people like her that no one would believe and that is part of why I felt the way I did on that train yesterday.
I  did move when she leaned on me which startled her awake and helped her reajust. Then my thoughts turned to my beautiful wool toggle coat (second day worn like the boots) is getting ruined. I fought those thoughts because NONE of them were Christ like.  I fought the thought that she might vomit whatever liquor she had to have consumed on my hunter boots, oh what would I do!?

I fought the urge to poke at her with my umbrella instead of tapping her politely on the shoulder to let her know I need to get off the train when my stop arrives. I ended up doing neither but started planning my escape. I tried waking her before we arrived because by now I realized she had a cane And wasn't moving anywhere fast. When she woke up, I realized she was a woman and the liquor smells were coming strong from her. I was polite and didn't come at her in a way I would regret. But I do regret my thoughts, my heart towards her when I rode the train.

I need to work on this and I am thankful that even the uncomfortable moments were brought to me. We go about feigning perfection as Christians and we are far from it.

My testimony is that God thought it fit to work on my humility issue. He is still working on us all and will present us with situations every day to challenge us, fix us, and reveal His love and concern not only for our lives, but the lives of those with shame I will say that we at times "despise" without any worthy reason.

So no matter what your hangup is, know that God will help you work on it.

It seems when I have humility issues, I get pooped on, splashed by dirty water, or sit in something nasty.  I forgot to mention that as I went into the office, I noticed bird poop on my umbrella where I handled the closure strap. So that meant bird poop was on my hand and who knows where else.

Praise and Thank God that He does these things. I am not better than His other children.

I called this testimony, In The Middle of the Sargasso because I just learned there was a sea in the middle of the ocean after glancing at a weather map. I've always looked at maps and love geography but never came across this. The Sargasso sea is a sea without any coastal borders and remains relatively calm despite the turbulent waters that surround it. I compare my experience yesterday with it as one that had me warm, protected, and of a calm mood when I walked around in stormy weather. I had minor issues that God worked on with the train ride. I was at peace for the entire day and I am thankful for that. I was at peace like the Sargasso.

May you be at peace like the Sargasso for today and the new week to come.

Happy Sabbath  :)