Waiting for God part 2

Picking up from last week, there were many times I had to wait to know what I should do.

One had to do with me taking a position in the church I attended. I was there for about a year and me being a fresh new face and a young person, people thought I was perfect for a certain role there. Never mind that I was already doing something else there that required a large bulk of my time and that I showed up to all the meetings. I didn't think I was the right fit and doubted my ability, but knew if God thought it would be good for me, then I would give it a go.

I prayed to know if I should take that office and also if this church really taught His truth. I had questions within me that surrounded the teachings of the church, mostly because other people of different Christian denominations tried to come with criticisms. I read the Bible daily and everything I read supported what I believed, but I  didn't want to be someone living a blind life like so many of in the world do. 

People can look at a verse and not read it in it's proper context. They also look at the Ten Commandments and truly believe that they do not apply to us in our time.  I want to be led by the Holy Spirit and if anything is for me, I only trust God to reveal it to me, not because people were told by their parents or friends to do something.  So you can see how I didn't trust any person to tell me just anything?

People told me I should and all sorts of things, but none of their jabber meant anything. I was not going to step up unless I received the answer directly from the Lord.

I did what I typically did. I prayed in the quiet of my heart for a specific sign. I prayed to see the Carebears (another thing I have not seen in years). I knew I had to have an answer for my church at the end of the week and I prayed for this on Sabbath. I went about my week as normal and it was Thursday that I stopped by to help the ladies clean up the church before church service on Sabbath.  I saw they had finished just about everything so I went to return the broom down stairs in the storage area. 

Around the corner from storage was a multipurpose room that we used for lunch and other gatherings. I had no other reason to go around there and turn on the lights but to be nosy, so I turned on the lights and entered the room to just look around and see if it was clean. As I turned to leave, I noticed a peculiar tablecloth pattern.

The tablecloth was covered in Carebears.

This is a photo of that tablecloth that I made into a smaller jpeg for my phone. 

I accepted the nomination on Saturday.

It has been some years ago since that moment and I said I am in a different place right now.

Although I may not be happy with what is currently going on in my life, and feel at times God is distant from me, I cannot let go of these moments.  I hope that in your journey, you won't let go of Jesus.  He really is real and does hear your prayers.  Sometimes we are asking for the wrong things.  

That's where I went wrong and endured a very unnecessary but painful period.  Or should I say periods.  The first thing you should ask is What Would Jesus Do?  Ask yourself what the Bible says about it.  Then trust the Bible answer, trust God's answer.  

I've had so many people try to come by me and tell me to live a certain way, yet they had no biblical foundation.  They also had no connection to God from what I could see.  I can't understand how people want to live each day without this connection.  Prayer is just so important, we need to stay in communication with Jesus, because He is really our only hope for salvation.  The alternative is terrifying.

If you read one of the first blogs I wrote about me coming to believe in Jesus, you will recall the experience I had on the subway train.  It was terrifying and I have had other experiences like it, yet Jesus has always been there to protect me from them.

When ever you are afraid.

When ever you are lost.

When ever you are in need and cannot see your way to an answer.

Whenever there is no answer.

Call on Jesus.

Call on Him and believe He has the power to save you and that He wants to.  He will not give you more than you can handle and He will always make a way of escape.  

Those words of escape are something I need to talk about in the next blog.  It will touch on some of the darker parts of my journey with God.

May you be blessed and enjoy your day :)

Waiting for God part 1

I have never been a person to be 100% comfortable with waiting.  This is something I still have to work on.  Patience.

I want to see results.  I want to know that I am headed in the right direction and I want to be assured things will be okay.  Before I made some bad decisions a few years ago, I considered myself in a good head space and trusted that I would be directed daily by God. 

There are many big differences now and those are challenges I have for myself to address with Jesus’ help. 

Patience. 

I made a decision to leave a long time semi secure excellent benefit providing job for a job that paid less  (with minimal to zero benefits) to have peace of mind and gain experience in my target field.  I was filled with anxiety, frustration, and a bunch of other issues.  I left the job right after I did another job interview.  I don’t remember what I interviewed for, but I didn’t get that job.  I did have the job that paid less though, and God had the situation in control because He made it so that I was given a full time work schedule right on time. 

Prior to getting that job, I was in the hole deep because of the person I allowed to be in my life to wreck my life.  I needed money and had no idea where it was going to come from.  God sent a check in the form of a refund from a place I never expected it and it was the exact amount I needed for a bill that I had to pay in a few days.  I never was late on any bill because of a lack of money.  God provided everything. 

Today I received a call for an interview with a job that pays over 10k more than my current gig.  This is the second job call I’ve received since graduating with my master degree.  The first call was for a job that is about 8k more, but I haven’t heard anything back from their office about coming in for the official interview, despite the information I sent to them.  I was disappointed.  My other coworker who has less school credentials than I do quit yesterday to start her new job elsewhere.  The timing could not be more perfect as she stood to lose some of her hours and me being a lead staff results in moving other people’s schedules around mine.  And see, I thought my hours would be cut too.  God did not allow it to be so. 

In thinking about patience, I remember when I tried applying to admission into my school program.  I had a number of things happen prior to admission that were a “bit ridiculous”. 

I paid the fees and sent the transcripts for them to not arrive or sit on other people’s desks (they could just walk next door and get them, but I had to pay for them to do even that).  I repaid the fees for transcripts and express mail. Prior to printing out certain forms needed for my application, I used computers in different places throughout the city that I lived in.  I had no issues before then and having knowledge on how to code, disassemble cpus, and experience with multiple computer programs, I consider myself fairly computer savy.  Even the night before, I was at home and viewed a document in pdf form on my computer.  Suddenly, the next day, my computer for some reason could not read the file.  I kept trying and trying and it wouldn’t open.  I left and went to a neighborhood library and I used their computer.  I had to send this document today as it was the deadline for all applications.  I sent this form months before, but of course satan determined for it to be lost.  At their library, it wouldn’t open there either. I lost my expensive bus pass along the way and had to ask my mother to deposit some funds into my bank account so that I could buy a pass to get to another part of the city to complete this task.  She just happened to be on lunch break and her office was right across the street from her bank and my bank, so she was able to do it.   I took the bus to a school library (very high tech and up-to-date with the latest software and programs to open ANY file), yet, it could not open this file or print it.  So much resistance made me frustrated, but I refused to give up.  If I told you what city this was and where I walked and bussed to, you would gasp because it’s a big area.  With a last resort, I went to my city’s oldest library that was not as high tech as this university center, and tried on their computer.  I was finally able to open the same pdf file I viewed last night and printed for 25 cents per page.  I had to resend this document before 4:30pm.  I was able to get to a Fedex and fax what I had to the office that lost my information. 

I thought I would not be able to get into the program because of all the strange issues that surrounded me trying to get my application into the school’s hands.  About a month passed and around that time school was to start the next week.  I had prayed to God for a sign to let me know if I would be able to start that program.  I used to look at dog shows and I always liked the whippet.  I asked God to show me the word whippet or an actual whippet if He would help me get into the program.

First I checked my voice mail after taking a nap in preparation for my job.  I didn’t understand what the lady was saying over the phone and thought it was a reminder call for a doctor’s appointment I did not schedule.  I then realized it was a call from the school department to congratulate me on my admission into their program. 

It was the first time I recall every screaming for joy and I jumped out of bed, or on the bed rather. I called my mom and told her, but she said that I shouldn’t give my hopes up and that I should wait for an official acceptance letter to make sure they were telling me the truth.  I went to the internet on my phone after checking my email and other things and clicked on something with Tyra Banks.  When the page loaded, the title had the words, “Don’t be such a shy whippet”. 

I didn’t need to call them or wait for any official letter for confirmation.  God gave it then and there. 

There are many other things God has done that required my patience.  I’ll talk about some more of those things in the next post.

How God spoke in 2006

I realize that when I talk a lot about what God has done, I speak about signs.  God does things every day without us asking signs to know for sure if it is at His hand. 

I remember a time I was going to the Mennonite church and it seemed that God was using the pastor to give me the answers to my questions that I had each week.  It happened at the Adventist churches too, but more so during the beginning of my experience.  I would ask a private question and it would be directly answered during the sermon that was addressed to all.  I never told the pastors what questions I had in my heart as I read at home.

One time, I went to church and the pastor was talking to me.  He told me to check out a specific verse when I had the opportunity.  He wrote it down on a piece of paper and I walked off with others to do something in the kitchen.  Later that same day, I was home in my apartment and was very tired.  I went to sleep on my sofa and had a dream. 

In the dream, I was somewhere and needed to do something with my phone (check the time or something).  I opened my flip phone that I had at the time and it didn’t respond as I expected.  I saw a message scroll across the screen and from the wording, it was something I knew in my heart, God was sending to me.  I flipped closed the phone and opened it up again and the message was no longer there. 

Suddenly, I woke up from the dream.  I was bothered by it because I didn’t understand what it meant.  I had no nightlight in the room and couldn’t see, so I reached for where I remembered I placed my cell phone on the table.  I picked it up and flipped it open for it not to react.  That never happened before.  I closed it and then the outer light came on.  I opened it up again and it was fine, but no message was there. 

Now I was even more confused especially because this phone never had a malfunction like this before….except in the dream I just woke up from.  I was too lazy to get up to turn on the light so I decided to use the light from the cell phone to shine on my bible that was sitting also on the table.  I opened up the bible and prayed for a message of peace because I was so bothered by what just happened.  I turned to a random section of the bible and began reading under the cell phone light and as I read the passage, I began to feel better.  The verses I read gave me the peace I needed.  Then I had a thought.  How about I find that piece of paper my pastor gave me to look up a certain verse.  I looked for the paper and saw the verse.  I then looked to my bible to realize, the first spot that I randomly selected in my bible, the starting verse WAS the exact same verse he wanted me to read. 

It was Jeremiah 29:11.

God speaks to us in different ways.  It can be through people or the actions of people who are not even aware they are being used for His purpose.  It can be through the answering of prayer,  asking for signs, perhaps even an audible voice like Saul and others experienced in the bible.  It can also be simply by reading the word of God. 

There were other times God directed me to read a passage in response to situations in my life or questions I had about living better for Him.  But this one sticks most in my memory because of how dramatic it was. 

From Mennonite to Adventist 2006

The entire year of 2006, I continued with the Mennonite church.  I was not baptized into the church and I wanted to have Bible studies, but the pastor was not available to do them.  He did plan to start with me so I chose to spend every day reading the Bible on my own.  With the issues of travel for him and other challenges he faced as a pastor, we never did start.

I read from Genesis to Revelation.  I read the Bible at least twice straight through.  I looked forward to spending hours reading in my apartment, or heading to a quiet room in the church walls (they had apartments there too so I sat in one often to read in solitude).  The company of the people there was awesome and I developed good friendships with people who were genuinely concerned about one another.

During my time at that church, I was willing to let go of some of the things I was doing.  Prior to coming to the church, I dressed provocatively and pretended to be a model. I enjoyed the attention and lacked humility.  I believe God had me go there so He could get rid of those flaws and help me to focus on what was really important (my relationship with Him and salvation).  It was through the process of me getting laid off in October of 2006 that I was challenged on one of the commandments. I was eager to follow everything God was saying in the Bible.  I read the ten commandments and read them again and again. I accepted them all for my life.  I knew from reading that the Bible talked about keeping the Sabbath holy and that in Matthew 5 it said, “For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled. Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven”.

Heaven is still in existence and earth is still here.  So that means the ten commandments (all ten still stand).  I was sharing what I was learning with other people and I didn’t want to lead them in the wrong direction.  I looked for other verses in the Bible, but everything I found supported this.

I looked for employment and was hired in December of 2006.  I was offered an option: to work on Saturday (God’s and the Bible Sabbath), or work on Sunday (the day everyone else chooses).  I chose to work on Sundays.  I was broken hearted knowing I would not be able to attend service at the Mennonite church any more.  I told the pastor and a few close friends and I asked them questions as to why they thought Sabbath was on Sunday.  I really expected them to show me the answer in the bible so I could correct any error on my part.

I asked youth member and he said,  “Sabbath is Sunday because we go to church on Sunday. Saturday my family cleans and does their laundry. That’s why Sabbath is Sunday” (he said in so many words).

I asked the pastor and he could not provide a text that backed his reason up. “Sunday is the Sabbath because the Lord rose on that day” he said.  Nothing in his response gave good reason to say Sunday was the Sabbath.

 I finally asked a man who would visit every Sunday, but was not an official Mennonite (he enjoyed the church and his wife was very participatory during discussions although it is frowned upon that women speak up there). 

He told me that the Sabbath was Saturday, but no body cares about it any more.  He didn’t make any arguments to keep Sunday or Saturday.  

Just because people don’t care about it anymore doesn’t mean it isn’t important.  I was shocked by all of these responses.  I continued with them up until the week I started my new job.  I periodically visited them during the week, but I felt something wasn’t right and began wondering what I would do.  I wanted to be amongst other Christians, but it was strange to me that no Christians were interested in the fourth commandment.  Maybe that’s why God started with the word “Remember” because He knew people would forget? 

I started praying for a church I could go to.  I looked online for churches that were open on Saturday and found a few in my area, but wanted to attend the right one. I liked the size of the Mennonite congregation and wanted a similar peaceful environment. Around the time of me going with the Mennonites, I went with the guy I was dating to an AME church.  No one greeted me there, but it was packed. They were singing and looking like they were having a good time.  I noticed some people were dressed really fancy and had this snobbish air about them, but that wasn’t what turned me off.  It was the fact that there were no bibles in the pews.  I wanted to open a bible, but there were none to be found.  They sang and danced and the guy I was with was not interested in anything God related and he wanted to leave when we were barely there.  We didn’t stay long.

I didn’t want that experience again.  I wanted a place where I could continue to grow and learn about God.  I had no interest in dancing, potlucks, partying or anything of that sort despite me being 22 years old.  I picked a church from the list I found online and told myself I would check it out later that week.  While out in the city, I was waiting at the bus stop and a lady came up asking directions to get to the police station.  I didn’t know, but I wanted to help.  A man who was sitting at the bus stop answered her question, but she stayed around for another 10 minutes or so chatting about the city and how she just moved there.  The man and I talked to her and tried to encourage her about living in the city and we wished her well.  I was sure I would never see her again because throughout my life, it is rare I run across familiar faces. 

On Saturday, I went to the church that I picked out.  I sat on the right hand side of a large sanctuary and thought it was beautiful.  I had a great view of the organ and the front of the church and was surprised at how many people came.  They sang and the pastor gave his sermon and as he talked and people began singing, I prayed in the quiet of my heart to know if this was the place God wanted me to be.  I asked God to give me a sign and right after that prayer, I opened my eyes and looked around while the people sang.  I looked over to my left and directly in-line across the aisle from my pew sat a woman on the end who was very familiar.  It looked like the lady I talked to at the bus stop the day before. 

When service concluded, I walked over to her as she was getting ready to leave herself and realized she was the same lady.  She was surprised to see me there.  I stayed at that church for a year.  I asked for Bible studies and asked questions and was satisfied with the answers especially because they showed me in the bible for every single one.  Whenever someone had something to say, I checked my bibles (at the time I used three regularly: AMP, NKJV, and American) and I decided to get baptized there and became Seventh Day Adventist.