Thirty Eight

 A few days in and a whole lot of trouble.

Happy Sabbath

Today I had expected to be on the church zoom and supporting the children with today's special program. I had expected my parents and son to take off yesterday (friday) to NC to begin the vacation and continue the building project we have been working on for the last few years.  

My birthday was Wednesday and a good day.  I had played with ideas of traveling here or there but decided instead to spend part of the day finishing up a paint job in the family room (activity room) and went out to Home Sense and ended up purchasing a large mirror, huge woven basket to store blankets and pillows, and rug for underneath my desk.  I went to Michaels and picked up two bunches of euculyptus for the decor.  My parents wished me a happy birthday.  I have a handful of cousins that have a tradition of calling for birthdays but I don't have any relationship with them.  My little sis texted me happy birthday.  No one else did for those who aught to remember and those who are what they are.  I need not speak on that.  I only told a few people but really just spent the day treating myself and being at peace.  

Thursday came and was good and uneventful. 

Then came Friday morning.  I had gone through one of the hall closets to find medications and things my son needed for the trip Thursday evening.  Friday morning his belongings were packed.  I awakened to him being in my bed and coughing and was confused as to why he was even in my room, but since he was coughing and seemed unwell, I didn't force him out.  I got up and gave him some medicine and he continued coughing between 3:30am until he made it to my parent's home around 8:15am.  I had given him an asthma treatment, gave the inhaler, stuff for allergies.  I really went all out.  When he was at my parent's home, I decided then to tell my mother he was not well.  The plan was for him to go to school friday and as soon as he arrived home he and they would travel to NC immediately.  Everything for the most part was packed.  

I ended up having to take him to the hospital and we were there from 11:30ish until after 10pm.  He had a negative covid test. Xray showed no impaction.  He was just having a hard time vomitting, feverish, coughing, and not really responding.  He had to get an iv to get fluids in since he was dehydrated.  I was really thinking I would have to stay overnight in the hospital but was so happy they released us.  I still don't know what caused all of this but as a result, my mother told me that my son and I cannot go to NC with them.  I was about to leave the hospital with him and checked my phone and saw that the power was out at my house.  So I had to take him to my parent's home.  I took him there and as I waited outside for my dad to come from back around the corner after parking one of the vans, I noticed a strange white car parked across the street behind me.  I even turned and looked at them but they never rolled down the window or said anything. They just sat there.  It was not until my dad walked around the corner and approached me that the car decided to take off.  See, if you had good intent, the normal action would be to roll down a window and ask if someone is in trouble or needs help.  I was standing outside in the dark with my phone but in front of my parent's home. The woods are directly across the street from my parents and it is a particularly dark area.  I had just parked my car in my parent's drive way too.  So yeah, that happened.  I decided to wait until my son went to sleep before driving back to my house and the power came back on.  I had a late dinner, finally took a bath and went to bed. Power went off at 5am and came back on about 30 min later.  

I got up 2.5 hours later preparing to go to CVS to get my son's medication and looked out the window to see my gazebo (the newest one) flipped on it's side up against the tree and just chaos all in my backyard.  The peacock came with his boy and both of them came and got fed before I went to get my son's meds and heard that he had a tough time still overnight.  I took him home, gave him a bath and set him up to eat and relax and my dad came over to help me fix the gazebo.  

Today is Sabbath and these are things I ordinarily do not do.  I am thankful that my dad came to help me because they are going to leave my son and I probably tomorrow and if they do, I would have no one to help me fix this issue until after they return.  I showed my dad the newly painted activity room and talked about the attic and next thing I know, I am up the attic ladder I thought was broken and my son had his first opportunity to see the attic for himself.  We went up and it's just exciting.  If done right, I could have 3 good sized rooms up there.  I took video, there is so much I could do with this house and my dad can see the potential.  My son now knows what the attic is andnow he wants to go up there but he is too short to grab the string to open the ladder door.  

I am thankful that my son was able to get treated and return home.  He ate pizza today I made from almost scratch. I am thankful that I have the rest of the week off and can spend this time with my son and work on my house.  I am thankful for help.  I am thankful for health.  I am thankful for good finances.  I am thankful for these unexpected events.  Yes I am disappointed that yet again I will not be able to use a train ticket I paid for and I won't be able to go to NC for the week. But it's okay.  There is a purpose for everything.  There are 365 days in a year and out of those 365/366, my son was sick on the one day that mattered alot.  I don't know why the Lord allowed him to go through this but I am thankful that he is doing okay and we are able to spend our time together.  

In good times and bad, God is good.  At 37 and 38 as well. 

Thirty Seven

 Happy Sabbath,

A beautiful day and good week thanks be to God for all of His blessings.  I am 37 years old and on Wednesday, I will turn 38 God willing.  I wish there was a way to get younger.  I wish I could hit the pause button and stay in my 30's but time just keeps racing forward and soon I'll be a 40 something (cringe).  I am thankful for where the Lord has brought me because I really began to get my life, my act together this decade.  I'm glad I just made one stupid mistake instead of a million others like the previous decades.  

I am thankful that the Lord is forgiving and wants to see all of us win this race.  God is good.

 

I am sitting in my activity room/home office and made some major changes to this space this week.  I knocked out shelving and started painting 2 of the walls.  I need to finish and want to try finishing this week. I purchased a shelving unit and put all of the items that were on the older unit on this one.  I built a second pantry to clear up my kitchen space and my kitchen looks more like one instead of a mess like it had for so long.  I was looking and looking at tvs online and in store.  I had purposed to purchase an xbox s series but waited a day too long and they disappeared from the shelves at that low price of $299.  Everywhere else I saw them for much higher and I was not willing to part ways with my coins for a higher priced one, especially because I didn't even have the tv yet.  I showed my dad some tvs I was looking at and he pointed out a really good one which I actually looked at and took a screen shot of first a while ago.  I noticed the price was under $300 and apart of an early black friday deal so I went with his suggestion and purchased it.  With my discount, I got it for $268.  The very next day I look online and the price of the tv went back to it's original $450.  That is what I was used to seeing when I passed it and others in store.  

 

My tv arrived yesterday and my dad helped me mount it up on my wall in the activity room.  Now I am determined to get a sectional sofa for this room.  My son has the smaller tv in his bedroom with the fire stick and my home continues to shape up and become even more comfortable and beautiful to live in. 

 I am thankful for God giving me the ability to do these things around my home.  I am thankful for the Lord helping me to find the remote to the tv after it was accidentally covered from view and I did fuss and get upset and even my trust in Him waivered when it came to trying to find it.  I really felt like it vanished into thin air and I turned my home upside down trying to find it.  God was merciful anyway and didn't allow my attitude to stop Him from helping me to find it.  I need to have more patience and trust in Him and not get so angry.  What's funny is my son brought it to me but I thought it was the other remote so he put it somewhere else and covered it with my bookbag.  

 

I am thankful that this week I paid off a long standing debt I had with American Express.  I had that debt for many years and was able to just give them the last chunk after I had an issue with my password and being locked out of the account.  My credit score is 798 and may increase to higher than 800 since I just paid this off.  I have my mortgage, my student loans and 2 other credit cards that I am tackling.  I am thinking about living off of my full time income and just using my part time now to fully attack the 2 credit cards.  If I can get rid of both debts, that would be absolutely awesome.  I have been relying on my income since starting the part time and know it is doable.  God is just good yall.  If it was not for Him and His planning and putting me in this job, these jobs, none of this would be possible.  I know it was His hand and I am forever grateful.

 

 

God is good, God is good, God is good.  

 

 

Getting Started

 Happy Sabbath

I am thankful for this blessed Sabbath day. A new day and for the week to get things going. To get things started.  You shouldn't feel bummed because what you wanted to happen didn't go on the date you hoped for.  You can still get things started and continue to press towards the mark and reach your finish line. 

Or many finish lines in my case.  

This week I had some good things happen for work and am thankful that this week went the way it went for them.  People do have some hangups but I didn't allow that to stop me from getting what I needed to get done.  

The people who were supposed to do the roof of the back porch finally showed up and started the project yesterday.  I made sure to roll through and pick up my son quickly so he would not be in the way.  I was encouraged by their project to start the one I had purposed to finish in September for my own house.  

I have just started thinking about the holidays and what I would like to gift my son for Christmas.  It seems ever year things get more and more expensive and I am thinking about doing one gift for everyone this year instead of my habit of past years.  I was walking through the store the other night and saw an xbox and know that play station 5 is still not available in many places and if it is, it is being sold for 3x as much.  I started looking at the xbox s series and I guess the x series. I have been long out of video game playing. Growing up, we had the atari, followed by nintendo, gameboys, the wii, and my son has a switch.  I had in my mind to rennovate the backroom or activity room as we call it (activity room/home office) and what I would like in there is a nice flat screen tv mounted on the wall, better paint, lighting, flooring, and to get rid of that old shelving made of particle board that is buckling under the weight of my books and other junk I stashed in there.  

I decided that in order to force myself to get this going, I needed to commit and purchase some paint.  I headed out to Lowes and found some paint. Plain white paint in a semi gloss finish.  I then wandered around to the shelving section and saw a pantry cabinet I wanted on display but they didn't have the item in stock. I photographed the item and headed on and found a steel 5 tier shelving unit that I could use to replace the particle board shelving in the activity room.  I purchased that along with some stuff to fill holes and painting kit and headed on home.  Yesterday, I spent time hauling out books and things and demolishing one half of the shelving unit.  The other one doesn't look half that bad but I do not want to keep it. I will demolish that tomorrow and start painting (hopefully I can get the entire room. Then I will assemble the shelving unit and put that on a wall I had in mind for my pantry storage. I will see if I can find the pantry item in another lowes and bring that home so I can assemble that tomorrow as well and finally clear all those items out of my kitchen and laundry room.  The pantry storage cabinet is 72 inches tall and costs $90 and I will have that in my laundry room which is immediately off of my kitchen.  I hope I can accomplish all of this tomorrow or at least by the end of the week next week if I'm super tired.  

So that room I have started.  I have other plans for paying things off or down.  I have thoughts to pay for an additional room to be built on to my home.  If I can get my credit cards paid off, those funds that I have been used to paying monthly to the credit cards could quickly be saved up to pay for an addition in cash.  My strategy moving forward for most everything is to have 3/4 of the funds saved up for what ever project I'm getting into and then if I am impatient, I can put the fourth on loan or credit to get it started but quickly get everything paid off not long after I start the project. I have to start pinching my pennies and stop with the Whole Foods and Trader Joes hauls.  I lose my mind when I get in those stores and I pick up any and everything without question.  I have to redo my budget and actually stick with it.

So what I hope to do this season is to redo my activity room/home office.  I hope to purchase a tv, get some different seating in there, install that ceiling light and change out the blinds that have been sitting there for about 2-3 years now.  I hope to buy an xbox and perhaps get fortnite or some other fun game for my son.  I will need of course to get another fire stick just for that tv.  The other tv can go either in his room or the guest room. There is alot to do.  There is a lot I want.  There are other skills I want to possess and improve.  I can't just sit here and think on what I want life to be like.  I need to actually do something about it.  Get started with something. Anything. May God be with you on what ever journey or plans you have.  He created something out of nothing.  This place I am in right now, He created out of nothing.  It is beautiful what He does.  Get started with something today.

New

 Happy Sabbath

It's a good Sabbath and a great day.  Let start with what I am thankful for.

I am thankful that there is a God in heaven who answers prayer and still talks to and directs His people.  I love hearing about other people's experiences and it really is an encouragement for me to not give up.

I am thankful for a good dental appointment yesterday. I went in thinking it would be absolutely horrible and yes, it was a bloody mess but it was not as bad as I thought it would be. I need to do better and will give a better try this period.  I finished my meal about 20 min ago so I need to go brush and floss.  I will go back in January and perhaps schedule to get the work I need to get done at that time.I am also thankful that they moved my appointment up a week so I could have all of this cleaned up and taken care of.

I am thankful for the numbers I saw in my bank account. I didn't expect to see as much as I did from my full time job.  They did say my new salary would start in October.  All this year every where I turned I was blessed financially left and right.  God is good and this year has certainly been a good year, even better than 2020.

I was frustrated on Wednesday.  I woke up and attempted to get some work done while laying in the comfort of my bed on my phone but my phone told me that it had no space to even do basic operations.  I went about deleting videos and photos that were important to me and I deleted a lot of huge files but the phone still told me in it's raspy dry and ashy voice that I still had no space.  I had my samsung 7 edge phone from either 2017 or 2018.  I was a bit careless this summer and dropped it in a parkinglot and that created a thin crack that went straight across diagonally over the entire screen.  I was still determined to use it and not replace it. That phone was paid off and even though it was sluggish and would shut down at times I needed it, I didn't want to give it up.  Well, I had to this week.  I headed out to the ATT store and didn't have much of an idea of the best phones out on the market. I knew I wanted another android (I mean samsung is bae) so I let the sales lady know and she took a moment in the back and picked out a package that worked for me. I have a I believe Samsung A52 and I have a samsung tablet lite or what ever to replace my old samsung tablet my son keeps snatching away from me despite him having a fire tablet that I got him for christmas.  Actually, I don't know if it was a special occasion, I got a tablet for him because I was frustrated with him snatching my stuff. 

I am getting used to this new device. I still carry my old device with me as there is alot on it. Most of my stuff is synced over and with the new tablet, I'm back to making calls and sending text messages and am thankful to have three devices I can work around and get thangs done. I am also thankful for the cost of the devices. I can pay them both off quickly, forget this payment plan. 

I am thankful that I have the money to pay for a new phone.

I was looking through and deleting contacts in my phone and came across numbers I have not seen in some time that were synced from an ancient and long forgotten list. A list I had deleted or at least thought I did.  God said what He said.  I am working on patience with this but part of me wants to force His hand and get full view of what is to come.  I wanna know but it is not time for me to know yet.  I saved two contacts. One that doesn't have much in common with me but I was absolutely attracted to.  My issues with him were that he smoked cigs and worked on Sabbath. When he shaved his beard, the appeal was immediately lost. It was almost as if he didn't have a chin like he looked like a baby instead of a man. I'm not into that look.  But with the beard, he appeared to be the perfect man and he carried himself as though. 

The other is one that I just can't seem to let go of.  I mean hey, he called me up out of the blue 3 years later and attempted to ask me out.  This was James. The issues that don't sit well with me are that he has three children by two other women.  He is a Christian but not Adventist.

There is also that other situation, that lesson I have to learn from.  He just to be someone I know and nothing more.  Anything else that my mind may try to make up about that I have to let it go.  I was watching a program, a Godly program that talked about relationships and one thing that was brought up by one of the speakers was that for all the people they dealt with, the other person chose them. They didn't do the choosing and their situations ended up in disaster.  It got me thinking about my own situations. I too have been chosen or chased and when I decided to settle and accept the one who chose me, I was always let down.  I didn't really choose them except for one person who I thought was absolutely perfect for me.  I had such a hard heart broken time until the Lord showed me in a dream that this man was not the person for me but God had hand selected that person for a woman I had affixed as an adversary.  It wasn't until God showed me that it was His plan that I was able to let him go and with that all of the hurt and pride I had.  

I need God to do that for me even now so that I can renew myself.  I need to be a new person. A better Christian.  I have to let these situations, situationships go and want to prepare myself to be the person that He wants me to be not just to be in His flock but as a wife or whatever may come down the line.  I'm opening up my mind and giving what He has for me a shot.  I know He would not steer me wrong and knows what is best. There is healing I have to do and training. I have to toughen up. I can't weaken when and if someone is chasing me.  If God says this person is not the one, then I should never choose them back.  No matter how hard they pursue me.  Without God's guidance and blessing, without Him telling me a clear yes, I have to turn away. Or else I will be feeling the disappointment and shame that I have been feeling each time I said yes to them, only to be cast away.  

I just don't want to be an old lady when I am put with this person. I don't want to be in my 40's either.  I don't know when but have to learn to wait and trust in what God is doing.  There were times when God gave me a clear answer yet I still veered off the path and made other decisions resulting in a delay of those blessings. I want to be made new and what ever is heading my way, I want it, him to be renewed as well. We both have to be right.  Oh what I wish I could have for my son. 

Gotta give it to God. He knows what to do. 

James

 Happy Sabbath

This has been a good, a busy, and productive week and I have been blessed.  I am thankful that I was able to get the work done I needed to this week. 

I am thankful that my direct supervisor is back and she has a healthy baby girl and will understand the stress of motherhood for herself...perhaps she will be a little more empathetic as she goes through her own journey as a parent.  I need her to help me to keep on track with my caseload.  I took on way too many people and don't want to let others down so I am not sending people out to others yet. I'll do what I can.

I am thankful for a warm home. God helped me to get a heating issue taken care of last year and this year, we have heat in our house to bear the coldest of days.  I am thankful for heat.

I am thankful for a memory to go to the store and pick up black sunflower seeds. That peacock came this morning after the blue jay discovered what I put out.  I noticed that the peacock would sift through the bird seed and really just pick out the sunflower seeds so I went to get a bag of that and got it out in time for him to show up. It is a joy to see him show up at my door and knowing I can give him something that will keep him healthy and full and give him energy for his day.

Although others may think this is a poor choice, I am thankful my son is eating mcdonalds chicken nuggies.  I grew up eating a 20 piece chicken nugget with sweet and sour sauce when my parents would head off to work and leave us kids home unsupervised for 2-3 hours as we waited for the other parent to return from a long day at work.  If I was not a vegetarian, McDonalds 20 piece chicken nuggets with sweet and sour sauce would be a staple for me...along with fresh salmon or trout, jamaican beef pies, lamb/beef shwarma, or chicken tikka.  Theres a lot of things I like but I'm a plant based vegetarian and plan to stay that way.  My son has been extremely picky and avoidant of regular foods since he was a baby and that can be because of the food allergies and autism diagnosis.  I saw there were no eggs in the nuggies at school so I encouraged him to try the school lunch.  He came home claming they were so delicious and he was so happy he tried them.  Because of that, I checked mcdonald's ingredients list and decided to buy him a 6 piece, small fry and oreo mcflurry and when he tried theirs, his mind was blown.  Although it's considered junk fast food by many people's standards, to me I am celebrating because he is branching out and getting much needed protein, vitamins, fats, and other things in his diet.  The oreo mcflurry is a treat.  He is no longer allergic to soy so he can get into other things like tofu, tempeh, and soy milk.  Maybe I will be able to get him to eat cereal with milk (regular dairy or the alternatives that are out here).  He's a big boy and he is eating big boy food and that is what I have been fighting for all this time.  My mother will still purchase gerber baby oatmeal for him to eat and wonder why I won't get it for him.  He is going to be a teenager in a few more years God willing.  He is 8. Even at 5, he should not have been eating baby food and I am and will continue to put my foot down on this.

God has my son eating big boy foods and I'm lovin it. 

I went to the mall yesterday when I finished work extremely early.  I had no business at the mall and didn't need to be spending any coin but decided to seek out a certain store at the mall instead of driving far far away to ikea and wandering back with even more stuff I didn't need.  I went to the mall and for some reason, could not locate that store.  I don't know what happened. I walked all around but did not lay my eyes on it.  I passed places with a mind to return and get something else I didn't need but I'm glad that didn't happen either.  I went into Champs and tried on a pair of nubuck wheat colored timberlands and they only had the men's so I tried on sizes that worked for me in mens.  Then I asked about the prices and they told me it was $50 higher than what I was expecting. In a rare moment of self control and clarity, I told them I would pass on purchasing the shoes.  I headed back past two others that had the tims but all had the same price. A lady chased me down and told me that there was an issue with shipments and to make up for the delay caused, they were charging more and the merchants were getting hurt in the process.  I heard her but at the same time, I told her I would look on amazon. I looked on amazon and headed out of the mall...went to Trader joes and wholefoods and when I got to my parent's home I zeroed in on some tims that were of the price I expected $150 and I purchased them with the expectation they were coming tuesday next week.  

I already have a pair of black timberlands that I wore twice and I picked those up because I felt the wheat nubuck would scratch too quickly and not look as nice.  I haven't had timberlands since highschool and remember begging my parents for a pair because they were the cool kids shoe.  I was listening to a sermon based in the book of James and talking about joy and things that give us joy.  I listened to the speaker talk about his experience for christmases he celebrated with his brother and family and the joy he had when he received gifts My mind went to the timberlands and how wonderful it would be to have them to wear soon. I went to my email to see if they had been shipped and saw a notification that they were but in the same breath, I saw a notice that they were delivered today.  I immediately jumped up away from my piano and went to the front door to see a box on my front porch.  To my joy, they delivered the timberlands I wanted within less than 24 hours.  I couldn't help but laugh and couldn't believe that I had my boots, but they were $50 less than every where else was charging and here in time for me to wear tonight for work instead of waiting until Wednesday.  

God is good!

I call this blog story James because for some reason, I have been in the book of James more than several times this week.  This morning I did something I usually don't do. I got up and played the entire book reading of James while I took a bath.  Count it all joy when you fall into divers temptations.  If you lack wisdom ask the Lord for it.  There are so many verses in there that are for me right now in this season. 

I am thankful that I am still doing good at my part time job.  That guy who was involved in part of my poor decision making?  He has been I guess trying to make amends.  I still am trying to figure out myself for that whole situation. He has been coming around spreading positivity and light and at the same time, I am extremely cautious and pessimistic.  I am not used to people being this way.  I was shut down for something that did not need to be occuring and my immediate reaction was to shut him down for everything that he offered to be.  He wanted to be my friend and I didn't want his friendship.  He really is a nice person but I want to protect myself and I am still pushing him away and keeping myself closed off from everyone.I am no longer angry at him.  I can pretend that I am, but it's really hard to do and I'm sure he sees right through that.  Perhaps he is trying to get everything right because he is going to make a leap into management.  I think he would do well and deserves to be promoted if he continues working as hard as he does but just because you are taking those steps doesn't mean you have to be a friend to everyone.  Then there is this other person who I'm certain has been looking at me in that way.  They were recently promoted and I thought that by being promoted that would put an end to this person even trying to chat me up.  That hasn't stopped. I just want to go to work, earn my coint, get my groceries with some savings along the way and head on to my next gig.  

I know God wants me to be married. I know that God said I met the person before or will have worked with the person.  I just don't know who that person is.  I don't know when it will become plain to me that this man is the one and it is time to pursue that.  Right now, my mind is on my grind.  It's blessing myself with the things that I would like someone else to bless me with but I don't have anyone in my life that treasures me in that way so I have to treasure myself with Timberlands of all colors, perfume and all other manner of gifts.  I have a lot to think about and alot to do.  I have to keep myself from being distracted and be out here doing what the Lord wants me to do.  My mind has been all over the place lately but I am going to take a moment and go back over James again.  Maybe by focusing on these verses I can be on track for the new week.  I'm going to do that right now.  Happy Sabbath :)