Flee

 Happy Sabbath,

Flee, yes flee.

The message during church service was definitely for me today. 

My week went well and I took off Thursday and Friday as I wanted to enjoy a five day weekend from the main job. I'm not taking any time off with my part time until October. I was able to get a lot of work done and other things of course will be left for me to address when I return June 1st.  

I've been having a time, a struggle dealing with this young man at work.  I know the enemy is using this boy, this child and is trying to trip me up and as I said, I needed this message today.  I have been more tired than usual this week. I have been taking more naps and really slowing down at home. I announced I was having a barbecue, soiree if you will on Sunday but the weather has shifted my plans to Memorial day which means I have to have everything organized and finished on time. I still have to work that night and will need everyone out by the latest, 4pm.  I went out shopping with my son yesterday and will have to finish shopping tomorrow. I was not able to find dry red kidney beans for my rice and peas recipe and since I just extended the invite to two church members, now I have to stop at another store and pick up Beyond Meat burgers and perhaps the impossible burger so that they have more options.  I am a strict vegetarian (not vegan because I do enjoy my leather products and eat honey on occasion). I believe the latest invitees are on a plant based diet as well so I have to really throw down in the kitchen tomorrow.  I had intended to have a smaller menu but of course knowing how reckless I am in Walmart and any store for that matter, I went way overboard with the food and people are going to have to take it home because I do not have the room.  

I have to deep clean my home, fix my privacy fence that was damaged by the heavy rains we have been having, hang the curtains for the gazebo and see about food warmers, that just came to my mind. I don't want the food to be cold. This would be the first time I am letting my friend step further into my home.  I do wish I had a larger house and there are many things unfinished about it.  This house has come a long way and although it is small and needs work, there is much to smile about and I should not be afraid to share.  If they show up, great, my son will have someone to play with. If they don't, that's okay too. 

Now onto the topic of this blog post. Flee.

This young man has been on me since the first day he spoke to me.  It was right before my birthday because I took off three days to spend in Carolina and he was new to the company.  The manager at the time, a suspected Karen announced to everyone it was my birthday coming up and the date and I didn't want anyone at work to know my birthday or anything else about me except that I worked there.  He approached me and said if no one else says anything and if I don't see you next week, happy birthday.  

Harmless? Right. Since then, his eyes have been glued on me every time I came to work.  I admitted I was awkward but didn't shut down his attempts to greet me or offer assistance if he saw the need. I was trying to be polite and as a Christian, I'm not going to tell someone to get lost when I don't want to be bothered. Everything was friendly at first.  

I went to an area I was to dispose of trash like and he came over asking how old I was. Now because of the previous situation I was in, I feel so messed up. I know most people who work where I am are younger than me and I have been for some time saying I am old woman. I'm 37.  I know that's not old but I feel like I live 10 years older than I actually am. I may not appear so but I feel it.  He asked me and I didn't tell him, I wanted to see what he was going to say. It was really at that time I realized that he had some interest. Prior to that, I thought he was just trying to make friends with everyone at work and he is very extroverted and runs that way. I told him I'm an old woman and he tried to guess and said I was in my early 20's. I told him I was flattered but he was way off and just said 30's. Then he told me he was 19 and I automatically thought the matter was settled and shut down and he would leave me alone.  I still to this day stress to him that he is old enough to be my child if I were a teen mom. I have publicly assigned him position of younger brother and try to keep things platonic but he keeps testing me. I told him I want to be alone for the rest of my life and am not interested in love or those matters. I like my life uncomplicated. I have a whole child, house, second full time job, and other priorities. I have no time for a relationship and I'm good all by myself. I warned him it's not smart to talk to people where you work. It always ends up badly. I told him to look for someone his own age and he'll be alright.

All those words went through one ear and out the other.

If he knew he didn't tell me his age or at the very least, lied about it, he might have a chance because he sees that I am attracted to him, but if I am going down that road with anyone, they need to be a Christian, respectful of my wishes and in my age group. 

I stood at work wondering how did I get to this point, where he keeps trying to proposition me.  Yes, I could say it's sexual harassment. Maybe that will get him to straighten up and watch himself. I prayed the other guy away who was a year younger than me and very attractive I must say. He abruptly stopped talking to me and left the company. This one I prayed and he is still hanging around. I obviously need to pray more. 

He was missing from work on Monday so I had hoped truly that he quit or was fired and moved on from here so I would not have to see him again. He showed up on Wednesday and came straight up to me without warning. I have to plan out where I walk so I don't cross paths with him. I also need to make sure certain people are close by so he does not say anything inappropriate to me. I asked him if he were a christian and he said he was but he in the same breath said that it is not a sin if both people are consenting.  

There can be no good ending with this.  I know people are aware of his advances and the very people who smile and are the type to pat you on the back because you still got it like Stella got her groove back are the same people to spread gossip around the company, internet and laugh at you publicly when and if you fall. 

The message today was given by a brother who has a beautiful godly family and are always there every Sabbath.  It is an uncomfortable topic but it needed to be shared and I know I am not the only person dealing with this.  He read from Genesis 39, 1 Corinthians 6:18-20, and Galatians 5:18-26. There were other verses but he stayed upon and stressed the sin of sexual immorality and in telling the story of Joseph fleeing the claws of Potiphar's wife, that really reasonated with me because I stood there at work wondering what I can do.  I know I am weak.  I see things in motion around me and know the enemy's hand is in this. I remember how weak I was before and am surprised how far I had fallen.  You may think you are strong but if you do not put your hands in the hand of the Lord, you will be sorely disappointed.  I thought I was strong back then and nothing could shake or get me.  That situation almost took me completely out. Snuffed my life, my light out. 

No person is worth sinning for. There are some sins we can stand up and refuse, rebuke the devil and he will flee from us. Sexual immorality is very very difficult to stand up against. For that, you must flee.  

I am fully vaccinated and pretty soon they will say we will no longer need to wear masks. My face, I rate myself about a 7 and I have low self esteem when it comes to my looks. Being around others, I have not heard that I was ugly to them and strangely enough, just about every male I have spent a little time around has either tried to ask for my number, take me out or if they did not have the courage, would just watch me and not say anything at all.  I don't know if I am a 6/7 to them.  I don't like my nose. I like my eyes but I have thicker eyelids courtesy of my dad.  I'm very hairy too and in your 30's they don't tell you that you will start having more chin hairs. I can pluck and cover scarring up there. My hair is natural and waist length. I keep it in two strand twists these days in a pony tail shrunken to past my shoulder blades. I have a clear complexion and never really struggled with acne and have no acne scarring, just the scarring in the areas I plucked those rogue hairs on one side of my chiny chin chin. I have large lips and high cheek bones. I have a nice height and lost weight  and have a somewhat flat tummy, but am an apple body type so I don't have a butt unless I stand in heels and have the right dress on. Someone once told me I had the frame of a ballerina when I was thinner than this. I have a nice frame, to me average 6 or 7 face, long thick curly hair and piercing serious eyes but somehow I keep thinking I'm ugly.  

When we have to remove our masks, perhaps that will make that boy go away.  Perhaps I will look older to him and less appealing to others.  I don't know about the others though. They saw me before I had the mask and they had tried talking to me but were not as forward and strong as this guy. Maybe they forgot what I looked like.  I don't know.  All I know is this mess needs to stop.  I need this job to pay my debts off. Even if my debts are paid off, I still would like to keep the money rolling in. It's good extra money and I have been enjoying a lot of things because of it. My son does not need or want for anything because of it. I am able to give a full and honest tithe and offering without strain. This little boy has to go. If someone has to, it's not going to be me.  

So the message today reminded me that I need to keep my mind out of the gutter.  Sin started in the mind of satan. Sin starts in our minds today and if we continue to dwell upon those evil thoughts, thoughts become action.  There are other things I could possibly say in another post later on regarding this situation but I'll stop for now.  

Flee sexual immorality. Flee any sin that you feel is too strong for you.  God will always make a way of escape and you always have a choice.  If you are not strong enough to fight, hit the ground running like Joseph.  A good name is better than choice silver, gold, diamonds and other valuables.  Don't throw away your name.  I threw away a good name before and it was sooo hard to get one back.  Know that what ever you do in the dark will come to light.  Flee. 

He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.  Isaiah 40:29 NLT

Happy Birthday

 Happy Sabbath

It has been a good week and challenging but good that I got through it.  My "second" birthday was yesterday.  It was a date I chose several years ago. Can't believe no one wished me a second happy birthday despite me telling my son it was yesterday.  He just wished me a belated second happy birthday today. I'll accept that.

Let me stop being silly.  God is good and I was able to accomplish some great things at least with my shopping experiences this week. I was able to get just enough stones to make a pathway from the entrance of my backyard to my gazebo.  I had gone to Lowes to get some stones not realizing that they weighed as much as they did. Each stone was 16lbs so that meant to me I would have to make two trips to get the stones I needed.  I had this thought in my head for at least a year but since I am kinda planning a barbecue shin-dig for Memorial day weekend, I wanted to get it going. I picked up 24 stones first and put them in my car so the weight would even out to two bodies in the passenger and one in the trunk. When I had gone there at first I saw that people really attacked the pile and it dwindled down to a third of what was there the previous week. I hurried home to lay out the stones one by one and took the second trip back. According to my calculations, I needed 56 stones but when I arrived the second time, I saw a shorter slender dude already have 24 or so piled on his card and good pieces mixed with broken ones were left behind.  When I did the paver work for my gazebo, I had counted out exactly how many I needed and paid for them on the spot so when I would return those 5 times, they would load my car with as many as I told them I could handle.  I didn't do that this time around. I foolishly thought no one would bother since there was not as much as before.  I was not even certain if I could get 32 more out of the pile the first time I went and I was very much dismayed when I returned to see it was much less than what I calculated I needed.  I had already committed and decided to get the last remaining whole pieces. I was able to pull 23 from the pile of rubble. When I was heading to check out, I saw one single stone matching the others laying near ones that were brown/brickish in color. The guy was taking some of those to even out his pile and he was not setting the others back. I picked up that one stone and evened up my pile to make 24. I thought to myself that I would have to hit up another Lowes and when I got those 24 home, I was surprised, the Lord had the stones have them line up well enough.  I was able to reach the gazebo and it looks rather nice.  I still do want to go to another Lowes to see if they carry any more of the stones because I do want to close up the gaps and have a tighter fit, but if I can't find any more, it still looks really nice.  So in all, I picked up 8 stones the first trip a week ago, and  48 yesterday.  I did in fact have 56 but if I get 8-16 more, I can really tighten things up, curve the pathway out a little more and it would be perfect. 

I am thankful that the Lord had it that the stones I needed were there and I was able to get them home.  I am thankful that my son learned to ride his bike without that training wheel. He was riding his bike on Thursday afternoon and asked to take off the training wheel. I was actually given advice by his teacher and shared it with him again but he was getting frustrated and didn't want to listen.  I then went out as I had before and tried to pull him along and tell him he needed to have the bike in motion and to pedal once the bike is moving, not still. He finally understood the concept and started pedaling away. 

The one thing he has in his favor is that he is a persistent little bugger.  He really wanted to get this right and once he did and after he hit the neighbor's car of course, I put his bike in the trunk and we headed off to the park. I pulled out his scooter and I'm so glad that I did because I struggled to keep up with him. I had to chase after him on his scooter and we rode through the entire park in no time.  It was such a great time. We were going so fast and bugs were flying, hitting me in the face. We saw geese families, young families, other wildlife and enjoyed just being out for the evening.  I wanted him to try again yesterday as I was fertilizing the front lawn but he hit the daughter's car of our neighbor's so that was brought to a close right quick.  First the brother and then the daughter.  So if cars are parked on our lane, then we are going to go to the park instead.  I had asked him to ride on the sidewalk but he must have misunderstood me and got frustrated and decided to sit in the driveway and look angry at me so I told him to take his bike around the back and no more for the day.  

I am thankful my son can now ride a bike. Now I have to buy him a larger bike, get myself a bike and a bike rack so we can do this.  

I am thankful that there are things of interest for him outside of playing video games.  He's been all tied up in the world of Legend of Zelda and Minecraft and had forgotten that the Lord created this beautiful real world for us to go out and explore and enjoy.  I am spending quality time out in my yard. I am enjoying my privacy screen and swing. His garden and the bench are lovely down the hill and I have to get curtains up next week (tomorrow) for the gazebo because we are preparing for the barbecue.  I enjoy being outside and doing landscaping.  I put down some iron supplement for my lawn and still need to configure a new watering layout to hit the grass now that the heat of summer is upon us and threatening to fry out any green that remains.  I'm going to stretch my mows I think to give my grass more of a chance to thrive. I cut it high and hopefully the iron will help keep the moisture in the lawn. I want to get another bag and do that with another fert I have in another month or so. 

My garden is growing. Swiss chard, parsley, carrots, acorn and summer squash, grapes and much more are doing their thing.  I am thankful for it all and hope that you are enjoying this weather and season as well.  May is the best time of year and that is why it is the month of my second birthday.  

Happy Sabbath and may you have a blessed week. Get outdoors and experience the beauty of nature and all the the Lord has made for us to see.

Challenging

Happy Sabbath

Jumping on here very quickly because I am preparing to have my afternoon nap.

I had a good week but a challenging one. The good started with Mother's day. I was very much surprised at how that day went and truly felt loved and appreciated by my son and my family. I had other gifts given to me throughout the week and I put some of together in the form of a two seater swing, a storage box, and constructed a privacy fence in yet another area of my home I'm developing. My dad intends to come over and help me fix the mistake I made with the swing as well as the arduous task of assembling the gazebo replacement.

I made all my calls to my clients and heard good news from a few. I had some time off on Monday that was needed. Lots of good things.

Now the bad is simply defined as one word.

Temptation.

My mother's day kicked off with this guy at work telling  me some kind stuff that any mom would like to hear. I went on during my shift and a boss gave me a single red rose since I was a mom. Then dude who I thought was about the same age as first guy (but he's actually in my age group) started acting weird and now I think all the mess he was doing was his immature way of showing he liked me. Then before I could leave for the day, first guy asked me to stay around because he had a gift for me. I assumed because he did the cookie bake thing before for everyone that this was the same thing and even said it was nice he was doing something for the moms at work.

Dude led me all around the store and let me pick out a fresh bouquet of Rose's. I picked these beautiful pink ones and he picked up a bouquet of red which I then assumed was for his mom.

After that the next two days he was out here testing me. See, the problem is I have been single for over 8 years. I have been in a job that kept me safe from having longer interactions with men so now that I am in a place where I have more time to talk, people are trying it. I didn't give myself that freedom. I had hoped to come to this part time and stay to myself and I still in many ways do. I also want to be feminine and be attractive but I want to be a boss and one who doesn't need to rely on anyone, except God. Basically, I want to be a single black wonder woman...kind of Daria style.

I am able to pass these guys at work but this one guy, this younger guy has been plaguing me since day one when I met him. I remember when a manager was doing announcements and I didn't expect them to put out personal details about anyone. I don't want people knowing me at work. I was dismayed when she announced the date of my birthday and my expression said it all. Some people laughed because they knew I wasn't comfortable with that item being announced to the entire workforce. This guy approached me, new guy and said if no one else says anything and if I don't see you next, I hope you have a wonderful birthday.

Since then I've noticed him watching me and he makes everything effort to go out of his way to talk to me. He reached to shake my hand and then held my hand for a little too long. He asked more questions and eventually got to age and I am nearly twice his age. It's not an option. Since then, I refer to him as my son or myself as big Sis but he is not accepting that. The problem is I am too friendly when I decide to be friendly and when age was not brought up, he showed he was interested and I didn't shut him down firmly enough. I told him it's never a good idea to date people where you work. I told him I want to be single, complication free, and finding love is not a goal of mine. I made sure to announce that I am a single parent, the one thing that makes most guys run away.

He is still trying to talk to me. I pray he finds a nice young lady who he can commit to. I am not that person. I told him if I am old enough to be his mom if I were a teenage mother. Amazingly enough that didn't faze him.

So like the other dude who pursued me and I prayed the Lord would fix that situation, I pray He will take care of this. This ain't the way to go.

Please pray for me to stand firm and to do what is right.

OK

 Not sure what to call this blog post this week but I will say God has been good.

I went to the hospital yesterday.  Don't laugh but I thought I had a parasite in my eye.  On thursday afternoon, I went out to do another mow since they said it was going to rain Friday and through the weekend.I have been cutting my grass on a higher setting and with the branch destroying my gazebo and all last week, I didn't finish mowing everything I had intended. I went to finish up the job and earlier that same morning my new gazebo arrived much sooner than I expected.  I was disappointed to find that despite the price being around the same for the one I received as a gift from my parents, the one I purchased had much cheaper materials and I doubt with another major storm or whack of a branch that it will withstand any of that.  I attempted first to put it together but managed only to do the legs as I felt I would need another hand to get everything together. I had expected my dad to come out and help me but he was not feeling well and has been unwell for the past few days. My mother said he was sleeping out of the covers and probably caught a cold, I hope he gets better soon and it is not COVID. He is going to be 80 in June and he was the first to be vaccinated.  I am watching so many people let their guards down after getting vaccinated and we can't afford to do that.

So instead of struggling with teeny tiny parts, I decided to get some satisfaction out of the day and mow my lawn. I edged up my driveway, sidewalk and around other fixtures and mowed my diagonal lines as usual to make my lawn gorgeous and stand out among the rest. I watered plants and as I was finishing up the back a company that some of my neighbors call to mow rolled through and started working on my neighbors properties.  The owner blew my grass clippings off of my walkways and driveway in an attempt to get business from me. I have seen them around but I honestly enjoy cutting my property. My lot is 10,019 sq feet and my home is about 1500 sq feet. I have a hill in the back and alot of area to mow with my push mower but I like the control I have with the push mower and unlike the riding mowers they use, I am not scalping my lawn and potentially damaging the grass roots like what they do when they are at my neighbors.  I like a higher grass blade and I like a richer color.  The lawncare nut got me into really enjoying the mow.  THey were blowing dust and grass debris around and I am not certain if that got into my eye. I had on my glasses and eye shield over that and I was wearing my double mask to avoid breathing any of that dust and pollen in. 

Friday I took the day off from work. After my son finished school, I rushed off with intentions of buying some cooking oil, some garden labels if I could find them (I didn't) and a mother's day gift for my mother.  I returned home nearly $450 less all thanks to the cunning marketing strategies of Lowes, Walmart, and Ross combined.  I stopped first at Lowes and picked up everything for myself and son and nothing for my mother. I decided to get an umbrella and stand to go with my patio set so I could have a comfortable place to sit until I can get the gazebo up. I bought a white rose bush, blueberry plant, blackberry plant and a bunch of other plants and seeds...oh and fencing for my son's garden that just keeps on expanding at the bottom of the hill. The bigger it gets, the less I have to mow. 

At walmart, I picked up a mother's day card. It was at this point I knew that I messed up. I forgot to wear my gloves as I usually do and needed to touch my eye area. I tried to relieve my eye discomfort and continued on to the third store. I had touched my eye area after handling the cart knowing that is a huge No NO.  

I found beautiful gifts at Ross and some more stuff for myself and forced myself to get out of there. I drove home but my eye was bothering me and getting worse as the time went on. When I arrived home I went out side and put the rose bush in the ground. I took my hosta looking plants around back and set up the umbrella. I set up the fencing for my son's garden and wanted to do more but my eye was doing too much. 

I went inside to try washing it out a few times and there was no use. I decided to take a look in the mirror to see what was going on and that was when I saw something that appeared to be a clear long lump on my eyeball. I tried using tissue to dislodge it but it wouldn't move and then I thought it was a bulge underneath my eye.  I had never seen anything like it before and took photos of it. Remembering the terrible videos I have watched of horrible things happening to people's eyes I was afraid to look up on google and diagnose myself and called upon my mother to see if she had heard of this. She was not helpful to say the least.  When my pupil would get underneath the clear bubble line my eye would hurt. My mind could go no where else but to parasites. Perhaps when the guy was blowing that debris, eggs or something became airborne and got in my eye.  I can't go blind, there is money to be made. I have to go get this money man. 

I decided to go to the hospital since urgent care plays games and they don't have enough qualified people who can give a fair diagnosis or treatment. I hung out at the hospital and paid my $100 copay to be seen, ouch.  I had drops put in and dye and the Physician's assistant called it some crazy latin name I had never heard and cannot pronounce if I wanted to. Then she started to think it could be conjunctivitis. They gave me a script for some drops and I paid $10 for that at my pharmacy before going home to continue doing more yard work, $110 poorer.  

I am thankful I had it available when I needed it, even if I didn't necessarily need to go to the ER.  I am also thankful that I am fully vaccinated so I didn't have to enter the hospital with my previous fear of catching this virus without having some vaccine protection. I still wore and will continue to wear my masks but now I know I must keep gloves on and absolutely under no circumstances, touch my face or eyes with unwashed hands.  I might be avoiding covid but MRSA, cold viruses, bacterial infections, ebola and everything is still out there lurking on shared surfaces.  Yeah, ebola, don't want that in my eye. 

I am thankful and God is good. Today, church service was a bit freehanded today.  I am the quiet shy one but couldn't sit back and let things fall by the wayside. No one was willing to take the lead and get things started so I jumped in to get it going.  I thank God for giving me some talents that can be used for His church, to glorify Him.  I am thankful for the opportunity to use them today and to be a leader when I am so used to sitting back in the shadows and watching others do it. To know I am capable of doing so, I am thankful.

God is good and may you continue to experience the goodness and greatness of God today and into the new week to come. 

Happy Sabbath

Keep Me Safe Until The Storm Passes By

Happy Sabbath!

Today is a beautiful Sabbath and God is an on time God. I had a song in mind to sing for church but someone else wanted the day to sing one week and I chickened out the following week and assigned someone else. 

I was so busy this week that I couldn't get someone else in time. I had prerecorded the song a few Sabbaths ago for when it was my turn and prayed that it would be a blessing. I never sang a full song for church so today May 1st was the first time.

Funny how these past two days have been about storms, and not just the sermon and the two other songs the speaker picked during divine hour. 

Yesterday I went to cut my lawn for the first time in two weeks. I rarely let it get past 2 weeks and knew that I wanted to put up the last of the curtains I ordered for my gazebo in the back. I wanted to cut the lawn and clean up out there Friday so after I got home on Sunday I would be able to relax and enjoy the lawn and my son's new garden. I wanted to relax in my gazebo and spent alot on new curtains and a new canopy cover. I have patio furniture, flowers, alot going on out there. I had to stop mowing a few times because of a short sprinkle of rain and when I was on the way to finish the bottom of the hill, a huge gustvof wind came through. My son had run past the gazebo and was over at the patio several yards away. I was pushing the mower and looked up as I saw a huge branch break off from my pine tree in the back yard and pretty much crush the frame of my gazebo. 

A few weeks ago, strong winds blew through and threw my gazebo against the fence on its side. I had anchored the posts down with sand bags but this wind was just too strong this year and with the canopy in place, it lifted the entire thing and turned it into a wheel laying against the fence. It escaped with minor damage to the frame. I was able to get it in place with my dad's help and decided to wait on putting the canopy cover and curtains. 

Yesterday, that frame was absolutely crushed. I am thankful my son not I were in that area. I was not too far away and actually needed to mow around it. I called my dad over because he has chainsaws and I needed one to cut the branch down into smaller sections.

When he came he offered to cut another huge and potentially damaging branch and I agreed. I took apart what was left of the gazebo frame and now have to clean up the left over branches and buy a new gazebo because I did not purchase all those pavers and do the work to lay them out for nothing.

As I was finishing up I noticed something grey moving in one of the branches. I realized my dad cut down a branch that had a nest of baby doves. Sabbath was approaching so I took the babies, called a bunch of wildlife rescue numbers but no one picked up. I have watched too many videos on Dodo and wildlife rescue so I decided to take the babies in my home and try to care for them. 

I stopped by my parent's home and they gave me eggs and bananas and since yesterday and through the early morning I have been trying to feed them frequently banana, hard boiled egg yolk, and strawberry jam, each mixed with water. 

I opened my front door this morning and scared a dove away. If it were possible, I would have left the nest out there so its parents could get them but the branch was obliterated and they are too young to even cry out. They just started to open their eyes this morning and have pooped and peed alot. 

I am expecting a church sis to stop by and pick up the babies because my work schedules are just too much. I am due for my second covid shot tomorrow and I still have yard clean up to do. Taking care of baby doves is not part of the agreement. My son named them Drake and Lewis. Drake is the better eater and Lewis is extremely picky. What ever names they wanna go by, somebody has to come get them because I can't give them the long term care they need. 

I hear a dove calling outside even now. God loves His people and creation and I know there is a reason for all of this. Even in tragedy and trouble, let us remember to praise the Lord.