Happy Sabbath,
Such a good week it has been and a beautiful Sabbath day. I am thankful for getting through to today. I have done well with my work and was really glad that I got on YouTube for service. The message was timely and worth it and I want to go back and listen again.
My son is home for this Sabbath and one of the younger children had an idea to sing hymns and have the other children join in. I think it's a marvelous idea and that we should be doing this every week. My dad in his rebellion headed out to get a vehicle serviced. He once again didn't realize that he had the key to the VW in his pocket and when he went to call my mother to pick him up, they realized it was not accessible to her. I ended up going out to get him and the drive was a lovely one. I saw a field with sheep and a field with geese on the other and was able to give a Bible lesson to my son during that drive. I used to pass those very fields all the time and nothing would be out there.
We are home and I am sitting in my living room and plant gallery. My parents had a table from my sis who moved to the west coast and they couldn't ship it to her so they attempted to put it in their garage. The doorway was too narrow and they asked me if I wanted it. I said yes immediately forgetting that it is a smaller table. It could function as a small breakfast table and I wondered at it going into my kitchen. I really want a breakfast nook where I can seat 4-6 people. I said yes and they brought it over yesterday. The same thing happened and my dad couldn't get it through my kitchen entrance. He was struggling to take out the screws when I asked to see how it would look with my plants on top. I put it against the wall and of course they thought it was perfect but to me it wasn't balanced. I changed the angle and set it in the middle of my plant gallery and lifted a huge bird of paradise, trailing plants like philodendron, pothos, ivy and other plants on it and the space is absolutely stunning now. So glad they brought it over.
My mother sat in the plant gallery in silence and after a while, said she loved my house. She had hated this house and thought I was making a huge mistake. She didn't see the potential this house has and when I bought it, I did a huge amount of work here and praise God because He provided so that it could be done. This space is absolutely beautiful and it's like my own tropical paradise, my own green house and feels like an extension of my backyard. It would not have been possible if not for God.
He makes the impossible possible. This house was busted, broke down, musty, rusty and a tragedy but God. But God.
I thank Him for what I have, where I live and what He continues to do in my life, challenging as it may be.
God is good. Happy Sabbath 💖
Saturday, July 25, 2020
Saturday, July 18, 2020
Have You Heard
Have you heard of the Advent church of God, how He is moving according to prophesy? For the Lord is our leader and He surely will conquer. Have you hearddddd of the advent church?
Happy Sabbath :)
This song is a song one of the children sings usually every Sabbath and I don't know why I struggle so much to remember it. Well at least in this moment, I remembered it. I heard and I remembered.
Today is a beautiful day and I am thankful for a chance to be used by God at least for today's service. I haven't heard from my son or family since yesterday. Perhaps they are leaving out today and my mother is keeping the phone off to save battery and data for an emergency. I really hoped he would join the zoom Sabbath school but it didn't happen this time and I pray they are alright.
Wednesday night I went to work and I finished Thursday morning my shift at the part time job. I went to my car and was driving and for some reason, I reached over and touched the lower backside of my arm closer to my elbow I want to say involuntarily. I wasn't even conscious of what I was doing but when I touched that area of my arm I noticed there was a big lump as if my muscle was swelling. I didn't hit myself that shift and I didn't run into a corner so what gives?
I felt it and it was very localized. There was nothing really I could see and it didn't hurt so I went on about the drive heading to my parent's home to put their mail in the house as usual. When I got out the car, I realized it had to have been a bite but I didn't feel anything and there were no bugs flying around when I was headed to the car. I believe it was a spider bite.
I got in the house and tried examining my arm and the area started getting darker by then and some discomfort began. When I got home, it felt like it was trying to spread to another area of my arm. I looked up online where they talk about symptoms of spider bites and what my arm started looking like at least in that spot is necrosis which is my tissues were dying.
Dying or not, I'm not going to the hospital. Corona's there. What did the people of old do when they were bit by spiders, snakes, and stung? They grit their teeth and kept it moving. Three days later and that spot looks like a second elbow. I think the swelling is going down., It is uncomfortable and on a scale of 1-10 its a 1.5. I have been bit before by a spider on my ankle, a small spider in my kitchen and the only symptom I had was a weird numbness. In fact, it was because of the numbness I hit at my legs not knowing what was causing it and in so doing, I killed the spider and it fell in that spot. I walked through my home none the wiser and came back through in shock to see a spider on the floor in that spot. If it didn't fall off there, I would have never known I was bitten. I had no bruising or other ill side effects. But this spider from this week? I don't know how big it was. I didn't feel it as one often experiences. I usually feel a web, not a spider running across my face. Anyhoo, I am still going, still alive, still here and praise the Lord for that. Perhaps it was a recluse spider since the damage seems to be similar to what they talk about for their bites, I don't know. I still have my arm and was able to use it to play piano today for service.
I am thankful that I could be of service today at church online. I was asked last minute (1 minute before service) to present the Children's story and I was able to set up quickly and have a video I worked on some months ago ready for broadcast. I also was using my phone and decided to support with piano accompaniment. A brother who has an amazing AMAZING singing voice was asked to give special music but he didn't unmute his device. In the same breath, they asked me to do something and I opened my hymnal at random and played the first song on the page, It is Well With My Soul 530. I was also able to support with additional song service. The main part of the service was good and I continued to watch on zoom instead of dropping off and switching to the youtube option. I am thankful that I am still able to play and do something useful. I just downloaded a movie maker program on my newer computer. I need to get back to making videos for the children's channel but I have issues with my macbook and I am expecting my third job to jump off soon.
I was told I will get a call from the Census bureau next week for my next steps and I honestly don't know if I can handle it. I get so tired already with these two jobs I have. There is so much I want to do and not enough money to do it. So my prayer list is as follows:
Salvation for my parents, siblings, son, and other relatives.
Freedom from attacks of the enemy for my clients.
Extermination for the evil crickets that are trying to make a second year come back as well as the beetles and spiders racing through my home.
Funds to repair the heating/ac system. I need a new central air box and that heat to be working for winter time.
Funds for a new car. My car is nearly at the end of its road. I am hoping for something inexpensive, used, low mileage and practical. A Jeep or a Ford suv will do. Wouldn't mind an Audi though, that is the dream you know.
Funds for a proper fence to keep the deer and beavers out.
Emergency fund.
Paying off my credit cards and getting out of debt.
The list goes on and on.
If you are willing please pray for these things or the things you think that are best for me. God's will if you will. Let me know if there is something you want to pray for for you and I will add it to my list.
I set about paying two credit cards on July 13th. One card allows me to do screen shots and the other has security features that doesn't permit it. I have been so used to paying things on tine and forget exactly where I was when I submitted the payments but I did a screen shot of the allowable one and marked in my calendar the amounts I paid, sure that I paid both. I went about my life with no bother. Yesterday I was heading out and wanted to check my account to see how much cricket spray I could buy and I noticed that one credit card payment never came out of the account and I was confused. I checked the app to find that it never took it and they instead hit me with a late fee. I immediately went through the same steps I went through before and submitted a payment this time higher for $350 and since I couldn't get a screen shot I wrote down the confirmation number and went on about my business in the store. I went to two stores and after an hour I checked back to see still there was no change or processing taking place as they often immediately do so I called them. I waited on line for almost 15 minutes before getting a representative who told me that they did have a confirmation number in the system for today but saw nothing from July 13th. I have NEVER missed a payment for this card and I would NEVER put that I paid the card if I didn't see it go through. The lady accepted my payment of $350 and said she was removing the late fee. I didn't expect they would do it. I had no way to prove that I made the payment on July 13th except for my note in my calendar which doesn't count. She removed it anyway and I am thankful for that. I now have to check the same day for all cards to make sure these payments go through and write down all confirmation numbers because they are out here to play.
I remember Sallie Mae tried to do that to me and I had my bank statements showing they took the money but they claimed I never paid and were set about hitting me with all sorts of fees. That stuff was reversed when they realized the error.
I'm going to sign off for now but yes, wanted to share that the Lord has been good to me. Payments on track. Money in the bank, at least for the immediate things I need. I want many other things but I know that they can come in the time that God purposes them and He's got me. I'm good and I am thankful. My arm is still hanging on the socket and my fingers still work.
God is good. Happy Sabbath :)
Happy Sabbath :)
This song is a song one of the children sings usually every Sabbath and I don't know why I struggle so much to remember it. Well at least in this moment, I remembered it. I heard and I remembered.
Today is a beautiful day and I am thankful for a chance to be used by God at least for today's service. I haven't heard from my son or family since yesterday. Perhaps they are leaving out today and my mother is keeping the phone off to save battery and data for an emergency. I really hoped he would join the zoom Sabbath school but it didn't happen this time and I pray they are alright.
Wednesday night I went to work and I finished Thursday morning my shift at the part time job. I went to my car and was driving and for some reason, I reached over and touched the lower backside of my arm closer to my elbow I want to say involuntarily. I wasn't even conscious of what I was doing but when I touched that area of my arm I noticed there was a big lump as if my muscle was swelling. I didn't hit myself that shift and I didn't run into a corner so what gives?
I felt it and it was very localized. There was nothing really I could see and it didn't hurt so I went on about the drive heading to my parent's home to put their mail in the house as usual. When I got out the car, I realized it had to have been a bite but I didn't feel anything and there were no bugs flying around when I was headed to the car. I believe it was a spider bite.
I got in the house and tried examining my arm and the area started getting darker by then and some discomfort began. When I got home, it felt like it was trying to spread to another area of my arm. I looked up online where they talk about symptoms of spider bites and what my arm started looking like at least in that spot is necrosis which is my tissues were dying.
Dying or not, I'm not going to the hospital. Corona's there. What did the people of old do when they were bit by spiders, snakes, and stung? They grit their teeth and kept it moving. Three days later and that spot looks like a second elbow. I think the swelling is going down., It is uncomfortable and on a scale of 1-10 its a 1.5. I have been bit before by a spider on my ankle, a small spider in my kitchen and the only symptom I had was a weird numbness. In fact, it was because of the numbness I hit at my legs not knowing what was causing it and in so doing, I killed the spider and it fell in that spot. I walked through my home none the wiser and came back through in shock to see a spider on the floor in that spot. If it didn't fall off there, I would have never known I was bitten. I had no bruising or other ill side effects. But this spider from this week? I don't know how big it was. I didn't feel it as one often experiences. I usually feel a web, not a spider running across my face. Anyhoo, I am still going, still alive, still here and praise the Lord for that. Perhaps it was a recluse spider since the damage seems to be similar to what they talk about for their bites, I don't know. I still have my arm and was able to use it to play piano today for service.
I am thankful that I could be of service today at church online. I was asked last minute (1 minute before service) to present the Children's story and I was able to set up quickly and have a video I worked on some months ago ready for broadcast. I also was using my phone and decided to support with piano accompaniment. A brother who has an amazing AMAZING singing voice was asked to give special music but he didn't unmute his device. In the same breath, they asked me to do something and I opened my hymnal at random and played the first song on the page, It is Well With My Soul 530. I was also able to support with additional song service. The main part of the service was good and I continued to watch on zoom instead of dropping off and switching to the youtube option. I am thankful that I am still able to play and do something useful. I just downloaded a movie maker program on my newer computer. I need to get back to making videos for the children's channel but I have issues with my macbook and I am expecting my third job to jump off soon.
I was told I will get a call from the Census bureau next week for my next steps and I honestly don't know if I can handle it. I get so tired already with these two jobs I have. There is so much I want to do and not enough money to do it. So my prayer list is as follows:
Salvation for my parents, siblings, son, and other relatives.
Freedom from attacks of the enemy for my clients.
Extermination for the evil crickets that are trying to make a second year come back as well as the beetles and spiders racing through my home.
Funds to repair the heating/ac system. I need a new central air box and that heat to be working for winter time.
Funds for a new car. My car is nearly at the end of its road. I am hoping for something inexpensive, used, low mileage and practical. A Jeep or a Ford suv will do. Wouldn't mind an Audi though, that is the dream you know.
Funds for a proper fence to keep the deer and beavers out.
Emergency fund.
Paying off my credit cards and getting out of debt.
The list goes on and on.
If you are willing please pray for these things or the things you think that are best for me. God's will if you will. Let me know if there is something you want to pray for for you and I will add it to my list.
I set about paying two credit cards on July 13th. One card allows me to do screen shots and the other has security features that doesn't permit it. I have been so used to paying things on tine and forget exactly where I was when I submitted the payments but I did a screen shot of the allowable one and marked in my calendar the amounts I paid, sure that I paid both. I went about my life with no bother. Yesterday I was heading out and wanted to check my account to see how much cricket spray I could buy and I noticed that one credit card payment never came out of the account and I was confused. I checked the app to find that it never took it and they instead hit me with a late fee. I immediately went through the same steps I went through before and submitted a payment this time higher for $350 and since I couldn't get a screen shot I wrote down the confirmation number and went on about my business in the store. I went to two stores and after an hour I checked back to see still there was no change or processing taking place as they often immediately do so I called them. I waited on line for almost 15 minutes before getting a representative who told me that they did have a confirmation number in the system for today but saw nothing from July 13th. I have NEVER missed a payment for this card and I would NEVER put that I paid the card if I didn't see it go through. The lady accepted my payment of $350 and said she was removing the late fee. I didn't expect they would do it. I had no way to prove that I made the payment on July 13th except for my note in my calendar which doesn't count. She removed it anyway and I am thankful for that. I now have to check the same day for all cards to make sure these payments go through and write down all confirmation numbers because they are out here to play.
I remember Sallie Mae tried to do that to me and I had my bank statements showing they took the money but they claimed I never paid and were set about hitting me with all sorts of fees. That stuff was reversed when they realized the error.
I'm going to sign off for now but yes, wanted to share that the Lord has been good to me. Payments on track. Money in the bank, at least for the immediate things I need. I want many other things but I know that they can come in the time that God purposes them and He's got me. I'm good and I am thankful. My arm is still hanging on the socket and my fingers still work.
God is good. Happy Sabbath :)
Saturday, July 11, 2020
Zoomy Sabbath
Happy Zabbath,
It certainly is a zoomy one. Today my church tried something new and I have to say it didn't turn out too bad. I started the day with a phone call from my son and then I sent a zoom link for the Children's Sabbath school to my mother with hope that he would connect at least for one or two minutes so I could see him and perhaps his friends would be on too. Much to my surprise, he was on and stayed on for the entire Sabbath school. I hope my mother who was assisting with the call was able to pick up something for herself from the class as well. It was really good to see him and there was a little more interest and better interaction than in weeks past. I had actually reviewed the lesson study with him prior to the zoom call so that helped him to participate better, even though he wanted to try to get away with poor behavior in the chat box.
Next, I sent a zoom link for the church's main service. I was not sure what to expect but sent the link to my sister who tried getting on but said the picture was not coming through so she ended up switching to the youtube feed which I was to find out later all churches would be looking at the same thing (from facebook live, youtube and zoom). The youtube was clearer but I stayed on zoom to support my adopted church. My church membership is with the one on facebook live but I have not gotten around to changing my membership. It was a good service and I was happy to have contact with my son prior to and afterward. He is in Carolina now and painting rainbows and other things. I had asked my mother to take away the Nintendo switch game at least for today since I was not able to find any appropriate Christian games he could play on the device.
So next week, we will be on zoom. I have to brush off the dust on my piano and make sure I can play the songs that we typically do for main service. I offered to play today but the zoom cohost didn't see my message until after everything was over.
My week was good, blessed. I am thankful for a short day yesterday. My boss told us to work for 5.5 hours and we would get paid for a full 8 that day, that's always good. I went out to Walmart and purchased a rug so I could see the spiders on the floor. I also purchased bug spray for the spiders and beetles that I have been dealing with. My house has become so humid and spiders are attracted to that and ...they are larger than last year so I need to nip this in the bud. I also saw a cricket this morning so I will likely have to put aside some cash for an exterminator to come through because I WILL NOT go through what I did with the crickets last year, Not Again!!
I was able to get a lot of things that I needed, mowed my lawn, watered the lawn, trimmed the tree and bushes, and get a lot squared away around my house. My adidas orders came through so I can walk in brand new shoes to work and dress in comfort in my home. The cord I ordered to turn on my first laptop which I purchased back in 2005 arrived right after my son left for Carolina. The computer was off for over 8 years and I was able to turn it on, connect it to the network and send things through the network (not bluetooth) using my newest laptop. It is able to connect to wifi but I think the drivers are outdated which is why it cannot connect yet to the internet. I am getting techy and working on a way to resolve it, I feel like a hacker in my approach to fixing the laptop, but this is what IT people do on the daily. Who knows, could be another career for me??
God is good. I saw my son this morning, talked to my sister, have the things I need at home, and things are good. I am going to go to Bible study for the children at 2pm so I'll set up zoom for that.
Let me zoom off now :)
It certainly is a zoomy one. Today my church tried something new and I have to say it didn't turn out too bad. I started the day with a phone call from my son and then I sent a zoom link for the Children's Sabbath school to my mother with hope that he would connect at least for one or two minutes so I could see him and perhaps his friends would be on too. Much to my surprise, he was on and stayed on for the entire Sabbath school. I hope my mother who was assisting with the call was able to pick up something for herself from the class as well. It was really good to see him and there was a little more interest and better interaction than in weeks past. I had actually reviewed the lesson study with him prior to the zoom call so that helped him to participate better, even though he wanted to try to get away with poor behavior in the chat box.
Next, I sent a zoom link for the church's main service. I was not sure what to expect but sent the link to my sister who tried getting on but said the picture was not coming through so she ended up switching to the youtube feed which I was to find out later all churches would be looking at the same thing (from facebook live, youtube and zoom). The youtube was clearer but I stayed on zoom to support my adopted church. My church membership is with the one on facebook live but I have not gotten around to changing my membership. It was a good service and I was happy to have contact with my son prior to and afterward. He is in Carolina now and painting rainbows and other things. I had asked my mother to take away the Nintendo switch game at least for today since I was not able to find any appropriate Christian games he could play on the device.
So next week, we will be on zoom. I have to brush off the dust on my piano and make sure I can play the songs that we typically do for main service. I offered to play today but the zoom cohost didn't see my message until after everything was over.
My week was good, blessed. I am thankful for a short day yesterday. My boss told us to work for 5.5 hours and we would get paid for a full 8 that day, that's always good. I went out to Walmart and purchased a rug so I could see the spiders on the floor. I also purchased bug spray for the spiders and beetles that I have been dealing with. My house has become so humid and spiders are attracted to that and ...they are larger than last year so I need to nip this in the bud. I also saw a cricket this morning so I will likely have to put aside some cash for an exterminator to come through because I WILL NOT go through what I did with the crickets last year, Not Again!!
I was able to get a lot of things that I needed, mowed my lawn, watered the lawn, trimmed the tree and bushes, and get a lot squared away around my house. My adidas orders came through so I can walk in brand new shoes to work and dress in comfort in my home. The cord I ordered to turn on my first laptop which I purchased back in 2005 arrived right after my son left for Carolina. The computer was off for over 8 years and I was able to turn it on, connect it to the network and send things through the network (not bluetooth) using my newest laptop. It is able to connect to wifi but I think the drivers are outdated which is why it cannot connect yet to the internet. I am getting techy and working on a way to resolve it, I feel like a hacker in my approach to fixing the laptop, but this is what IT people do on the daily. Who knows, could be another career for me??
God is good. I saw my son this morning, talked to my sister, have the things I need at home, and things are good. I am going to go to Bible study for the children at 2pm so I'll set up zoom for that.
Let me zoom off now :)
Saturday, July 4, 2020
A New Independence Day
Happy Sabbath,
I'm having a lovely day and I am thankful that I can spend another Sabbath also with my son. My parents had planned to leave Saturday morning for the south with him. I am/was being told they would be down there for at least two weeks but quite possibly for the rest of the summer. My mother knows how I feel about doing certain things on the Sabbath, like traveling unnecessarily, going to the store for things you should already have at home, and focusing on other things instead of spending time with Jesus. I was not pleased that they planned to leave Saturday morning so I had told her I would bring my son over on Friday afternoon instead because in the morning, I would be helping with Sabbath school and it is something I should not walk away from.
Wednesday I received a message from my mother that the air conditioning that they had paid so much money to have fixed for last years trip stopped working. Although she is from the south, she is no longer used to dealing with the heat and was not willing to go forward with a hot suv. She and my dad went back to the guy who was supposed to fix it and after their inspection, they said they found a hole in a pipe in the truck and needed a special part that he did not have at the shop. Also, he was closed on Saturday and would be off until Monday. They closed early on Friday at 12pm. My mother just couldn't understand why they were closed on Saturday and was so focused on that Saturdays should be days that all businesses are open. She doesn't care what the Bible says about the Sabbath. Strange she didn't realize the guy didn't close for the Sabbath but for the July 4th weekend that so many others close for.
So I am happy that my son is with me. I took off Monday from my main gig thinking he would be in the south and I would have a day for a nice early morning walk/jog through my neighborhood. Well, since he'll be with me, guess I won't be doing that either.
Today is July 4th, a special date in the country's history where I was born and still reside. I spent several days this week looking at history and really, learning/absorbing my history. African American history. I watched documentaries of the 60's, the 70's, heard audio from elderly people who were former slaves, and rewatched material showing what was happening during those times and showing why things are the way they are today.
As a result, I can no longer celebrate July 4th. This country was not made for us. They used us to make this country and when they were told they could no longer use us, they wanted to dispose of us and continue to keep us beneath their feet. People try me at different points and from all walks of life, people who are not of color. I have ignored, shrugged it off, and assumed that people weren't intentionally trying to disrespect me. I'm not a person who likes to confront others and I prefer to keep the peace. Thinking back to past situations I am now realizing how racist people were being in those moments, and they were not even trying to hide it. I didn't recognize it. I didn't believe racism was still a thing because those who guilty of it have been saying it isn't. Their voices were louder in those times.
I told a black immigrant from Haiti that I don't celebrate July 4th any longer and despite all that I shared with her, even my faith, she immediately forgot all that I shared with her and asked me if I were a muslim.
Being muslim has nothing to do with whether you can love this country or not. There are plenty of muslims who are patriotic. There are plenty of jews and buddhists and people of different religions who feel the same way. She has her reasons for celebrating. She came to this country willingly, with a dream and hope for a certain future and most of her dreams have come true.
Many battles have been fought and won for black people who are descendants of slaves born in this land and although some things may be better, we are still not equal. We are still looked at as inferior and treated with disdain and hatred. Yes, slavery ended 1865, but the 1960's, the 1970's were not that long ago. I was born in the early 1980's. My parents did their best to shield me from the racism and prejudice that has and continues to run rampant in surrounding towns and places they had to leave our home for to work every day. As a young teen, I was almost hit by a car driven by a racist driver, surrounded by whites who didn't want me or my band mates there. They called my friends who were white and hispanic, N lovers. I saw and most importantly, felt the hate from them and couldn't understand what exactly was happening. That evening I happened to find myself separated from my friends and ended up in the path of a homecoming parade for a school, for a district with many people who were racist. My school was there to play a foot ball game and my marching band went where ever the school went.
I remember as a pre-teen with a little money and my sister and I went to Strawbridges to purchase a nice christmas gift for my dad. I found a wallet or a hankerchief, and we waited in a line filled with white people. When I was next in line, the cashier/clerk decided he was going to take a 10 minute break. Never mind there were people still behind us, he decided to walk off and not tell us what was going on. My teen sister and I waited and waited and finally when he returned, he really seemed like he didn't want to bother with us. I approached and the first thing he asked me was if I was paying with cash. He never asked anyone else ahead of me how they were going to pay. He clearly didn't want to be bothered with us. I paid for the item and walked away feeling off about that interaction.
I remember being sold food with dirt in it. I remember someone telling their coworker that I didn't belong in their restaurant. I remember a lot of things.
Right now is really like the first time I am feeling like I don't belong. Well, you know what, I don't. We are pilgrims, we are on a journey and this is not our final home. When Jesus comes, that is my day of independence. That is the date of my new country, of my new home. Where these feelings of bitterness, of saddness and longing will go away for good. That is what I am looking forward to.
This world now is filled with so many disappointments. The world that Jesus promises to takes us to, we must keep our eye on the prize. I want to go to that country. I want to be a citizen there, how about you?
I'm having a lovely day and I am thankful that I can spend another Sabbath also with my son. My parents had planned to leave Saturday morning for the south with him. I am/was being told they would be down there for at least two weeks but quite possibly for the rest of the summer. My mother knows how I feel about doing certain things on the Sabbath, like traveling unnecessarily, going to the store for things you should already have at home, and focusing on other things instead of spending time with Jesus. I was not pleased that they planned to leave Saturday morning so I had told her I would bring my son over on Friday afternoon instead because in the morning, I would be helping with Sabbath school and it is something I should not walk away from.
Wednesday I received a message from my mother that the air conditioning that they had paid so much money to have fixed for last years trip stopped working. Although she is from the south, she is no longer used to dealing with the heat and was not willing to go forward with a hot suv. She and my dad went back to the guy who was supposed to fix it and after their inspection, they said they found a hole in a pipe in the truck and needed a special part that he did not have at the shop. Also, he was closed on Saturday and would be off until Monday. They closed early on Friday at 12pm. My mother just couldn't understand why they were closed on Saturday and was so focused on that Saturdays should be days that all businesses are open. She doesn't care what the Bible says about the Sabbath. Strange she didn't realize the guy didn't close for the Sabbath but for the July 4th weekend that so many others close for.
So I am happy that my son is with me. I took off Monday from my main gig thinking he would be in the south and I would have a day for a nice early morning walk/jog through my neighborhood. Well, since he'll be with me, guess I won't be doing that either.
Today is July 4th, a special date in the country's history where I was born and still reside. I spent several days this week looking at history and really, learning/absorbing my history. African American history. I watched documentaries of the 60's, the 70's, heard audio from elderly people who were former slaves, and rewatched material showing what was happening during those times and showing why things are the way they are today.
As a result, I can no longer celebrate July 4th. This country was not made for us. They used us to make this country and when they were told they could no longer use us, they wanted to dispose of us and continue to keep us beneath their feet. People try me at different points and from all walks of life, people who are not of color. I have ignored, shrugged it off, and assumed that people weren't intentionally trying to disrespect me. I'm not a person who likes to confront others and I prefer to keep the peace. Thinking back to past situations I am now realizing how racist people were being in those moments, and they were not even trying to hide it. I didn't recognize it. I didn't believe racism was still a thing because those who guilty of it have been saying it isn't. Their voices were louder in those times.
I told a black immigrant from Haiti that I don't celebrate July 4th any longer and despite all that I shared with her, even my faith, she immediately forgot all that I shared with her and asked me if I were a muslim.
Being muslim has nothing to do with whether you can love this country or not. There are plenty of muslims who are patriotic. There are plenty of jews and buddhists and people of different religions who feel the same way. She has her reasons for celebrating. She came to this country willingly, with a dream and hope for a certain future and most of her dreams have come true.
Many battles have been fought and won for black people who are descendants of slaves born in this land and although some things may be better, we are still not equal. We are still looked at as inferior and treated with disdain and hatred. Yes, slavery ended 1865, but the 1960's, the 1970's were not that long ago. I was born in the early 1980's. My parents did their best to shield me from the racism and prejudice that has and continues to run rampant in surrounding towns and places they had to leave our home for to work every day. As a young teen, I was almost hit by a car driven by a racist driver, surrounded by whites who didn't want me or my band mates there. They called my friends who were white and hispanic, N lovers. I saw and most importantly, felt the hate from them and couldn't understand what exactly was happening. That evening I happened to find myself separated from my friends and ended up in the path of a homecoming parade for a school, for a district with many people who were racist. My school was there to play a foot ball game and my marching band went where ever the school went.
I remember as a pre-teen with a little money and my sister and I went to Strawbridges to purchase a nice christmas gift for my dad. I found a wallet or a hankerchief, and we waited in a line filled with white people. When I was next in line, the cashier/clerk decided he was going to take a 10 minute break. Never mind there were people still behind us, he decided to walk off and not tell us what was going on. My teen sister and I waited and waited and finally when he returned, he really seemed like he didn't want to bother with us. I approached and the first thing he asked me was if I was paying with cash. He never asked anyone else ahead of me how they were going to pay. He clearly didn't want to be bothered with us. I paid for the item and walked away feeling off about that interaction.
I remember being sold food with dirt in it. I remember someone telling their coworker that I didn't belong in their restaurant. I remember a lot of things.
Right now is really like the first time I am feeling like I don't belong. Well, you know what, I don't. We are pilgrims, we are on a journey and this is not our final home. When Jesus comes, that is my day of independence. That is the date of my new country, of my new home. Where these feelings of bitterness, of saddness and longing will go away for good. That is what I am looking forward to.
This world now is filled with so many disappointments. The world that Jesus promises to takes us to, we must keep our eye on the prize. I want to go to that country. I want to be a citizen there, how about you?
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