Vacation

Happy Sabbath,

I want to thank the Lord for a great week off for vacation.  I was able to go to the beach with my son and have a great time.  I no longer have free easily accessible wifi so my data plan has been almost maxed out (including the roll over data I didn’t use when I relied heavily on the wifi).  I was so uncertain as to how I could travel the long distance to the beach without my phone dictating my every turn.  I decided to give the drive a go without turn by turn, constantly glancing at my phone map and recalling roads I took before to get there.  I was able to go and come back without needing the navigation feature on my phone. I only used the data to load up initial directions and even if I veered off from them, I was able to figure out how to get back.  In current times, it is so much easier because you don’t need to have navigation set up on your phone.  Your phone can show exactly where you are without data and it helps so much the more as you read a map. Imagine having a paper map constantly having to unfold it to figure out why you are so far west from where you were supposed to turn.  I don’t miss those days. I also was able to go back to the zoo to make sure I didn’t miss anything. I really didn’t but it was nice to walk through and know exactly where I was going. 

When I pulled up to the zoo main entrance (first time going that way), there was no parking and dozens more cars were coming in.  The first time I came down, I ended up going to the back side parkinglot on the other side of the zoo away from the main entrance.  Most people don’t know about this side so when I found no spaces on the main side, I was able to get a spot just about at the entrance on that side after arriving 30 minutes late.  God is good.

I found the roads I was familiar with and went straight to the beach. We sat in the sand and let the water lap up over us, pushing us this way and that.  We even went out to deeper stronger waves and it was the first time I got soaked at the beach.  I usually don’t go that far in and I cannot swim well. 

I attended a home buying seminar on Tuesday with my son.  When I registered for the event, I didn’t expect to have my son with me but my parents went to NC for the week so that meant I would have to bring him with me.  I prayed that my son would be quiet and that I would be able to get the most information out of the seminar.  I even printed up a financial profile of myself to give to a banker there in case I would not be able to stay past 5 minutes as my son is rarely cooperative.  I drove 45 minutes away to this seminar with my son and praise God, we were able to sit the entire hour through it without him having a tantrum, breaking into offices, running in the street, and having to need to use the potty.  He only burped, had some audible flatulence that made one person laugh, and annoyingly touch this veteran’s lower back who sat in front of us.

This week I was able to finally get some dry cleaning done.  I reorganized my cupboards (two really), was able to use the free $20 Kohl’s cash Captial One gave me for being a great customer on some cute items, and get a bunch of other things done. 

I had a great week and my son was better behaved at church today so we were able to stay.

I am happy and am enjoying the day.

Stony Heart

Happy Sabbath.

I had a good week this week but as I write this moment, I have a lot of work to do on myself. I am home reading the Bible and Christ’s Object Lessons.  It was not what I intended of course as I prepared my son and I to go to church and we did go there.  My son had a terrible temper tantrum and I did not have a good reaction to him. I decided after 30 minutes of being there to head home.

I am in a place where I do not have unlimited internet again. Having that access was great because it allowed me to listen to sermons on 3ABN.org, watch testimonies, and have access to other things my son could watch that is acceptable at this time.  My macbook track pad broke on Thursday so the Bible stories I picked up from library, I cannot play for my son and I to watch.

It is not a bad thing though.  I took my son home in silence and went to my pillow fort which I have not used in some time. I took my headphones and Youversion Bible on my cell and sat to read for a while. My son came over and went to sleep in my arms. I got up some time later and went through my livingroom and remembered some good books I have on the shelf. I have Seminars Unlimited (Revelation seminar), Steps to Christ, Ministry of Healing among others and picked up Christ’s Object Lessons, which I forget who gave it to me.  It’s old, falling apart, and has a new york calling card in it.

I read about the stony hearted, thorns, and wayside hearers.  I want to be honest with myself.  I feel as though I have lost my way and after reading this, pages 19 to 27, perhaps I am a stony hearted hearer (if not all three). I struggle with judging others and not caring when I ought to.I judge and am very very picky about who I allow around me because I have seen adults, professed believers or people who claim to be fair and kind treat others and even me with terrible disrespect without request. With all that is happening with the government, the rallies, the terrorism, people are showing their true colors and its ugly.  I’ve taken self racism tests myself and even though they tell me I’m not in the results, I know that I have moved a certain way, averted my gaze, or have had negative feelings around those who are not like me and those who match me in skin color. It’s hard to shake the lessons you’ve gained from bad experiences, but this is no excuse.  My bad experiences taught me to run the other way, to lift myself up instead of those around me.  My bad experiences tell me that those people are all the same and should be avoided.  These experiences drive me to want to be alone, but I want to make a good contribution to the world.  I want God to delight in me and to be wholly His. I don’t want to be told to depart at judgement day. I ask myself how deep have I allowed Christ’s Words to enter my heart.  Do I have any root at all or have I just been fooling myself?

I take heart because God has allowed me to see another day.  It truly is a beautiful one at that.  I can see, I can smell, hear and have my senses. I can still do many things that people due to disease, accident, or other tragedies can no longer do. My blood glucose increased but I am still not diabetic.  I’ll be checked again in 6 months and have this time to really commit and make the difference my body needs to be healthier. I thank God for that.  I can remember some of what God has done for me, but I wish I could remember all.   People are not created to live alone to themselves (that’s something else I read in the Object Lesson book). A true Christian does not desire to live to themselves or to be alone.We should have a desire to share God’s Word, to seek the lost and to go out and do what Jesus has called us to do. I have been staying to myself except when at church, with my son, or on this blog. I keep people at a distance and I have no earthly companion/friend that I can joy in.  All I have are acquaintances from work really.  Jesus is really my only friend.

So I guess this post, my testimony is to say that God is opening up my mind to really addressing my own internal issues.  I have stony heartedness.  I want to look successful by purchasing expensive things and putting it in other people’s faces. I am very harsh in my discipline towards my son. I am not open and inviting to people and don’t always approach people with sincerity. I am now always second guessing myself.  I was not like this a few years ago.  I really wasn’t.  I don’t want a stony heart.

Serve the Lord

Happy Sabbath

I had a good week that was quiet and without trouble and that is a blessing. I was able to spend more quality time with my son, get my work done in good time, and even accomplish some school shopping for him and get something I’ve wanted for a while for myself. 

I went to church today and the person who usually teaches for Sabbath school was not there so I took her advice and went on pintrest and found an idea that my son and I could do for that span of time.

We made a popsicle stick hanging house and the message is from Joshua 24:15 which says, “But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” 

It was bound to happen sooner rather than later that my parents would ask me about my sister’s graduation.  I don’t know if I mentioned this (probably didn’t) but my sister who I am no longer close with asked me to attend her college graduation.  She attended I think all of my graduations from high school, undergrad, and I don’t recall if she was there for my graduate school graduation, but I do remember seeing her in the front yard of my parent’s home when we returned.  She is a toxic person and I know I have issues myself so I’ll say this.  As disagreeable as she is, I wanted to go support her so when she asked me, I asked her for more information only to learn that of course it falls on a Saturday afternoon.  I didn’t tell her yes as I wanted to pray about it.  Sometime later (days,weeks) I woke up from sleep and this thought or voice as it were was in my head saying, “We ought to obey God rather than man.”  I don’t recall which day it was but it was the same day I sent the text to my sister excusing myself from attending and giving her my reasons why.  I could find my phone right now to get that date from the text, but I’m a little lazy right now. 

This week (I think Monday afternoon?) I was talking with my parents after returning to pick up my son from work and saying how I’d love to go to a restaurant and have a nice meal.  I returned to strict vegetarianism in September 2016 (almost vegan but I eat honey and like my leather boots and bags) and no matter how far we have come, people preparing food still think fish or soup with beef broth could still be considered vegetarian.  I cannot get the type of meal I envision without going to an extra special vegan restaurant.  My mother of course told me that my sister and everyone were going out to a restaurant to celebrate her graduation.  She knew I was not going but she wanted to challenge me anyway. 

My dad thinks I’m not going because of unforgiveness towards my sister.  He came at me asking about the story of the prodigal son and said that was my problem.  I don’t expect them to understand.  I have a path that God created for me and maybe I do have some things wrong.  The path I have walked has let me know that Jesus is real and alive and I have a heavenly Father who I can trust.  The path I have walked has shown me He can do all things and has perfect timing.  It showed me that He is full of grace and forgiveness, longsuffering most definitely, love, and peace.  There is a way for me and He wants me to walk in it. It may not be the specific path for someone else in their life and to me it doesn’t matter.  What matters to me is that He is leading and that no matter what comes, I can continue to trust Him.

So the day of my sister’s graduation will get closer.  They will harass me more about why I am not going.  They will say (mom did say this) that I can’t go far unless I am willing to work on the Sabbath day.  But I will say this. 

I have been honest to my employers about what I believe and what I am willing and not willing to do and in being honest about this, they have respected me in giving me what I need as an employee. I found out I was not alone in my belief in speaking out during the job interview and with these jobs, God has provided me with perfect schedules when I was not able to make my schedule and perfect schedules when now at this time I can make my days as long or as short as I want them to be each week. 

The world can carry on what they want to do out there; my family included.  I want something different for my son and I. 

If Jesus tells you to do something, just do it. 

Joshua 24:15 is my verse of the day.

Mustard Broccoli Seed Faith

Good afternoon and Happy Sabbath

This week has been quiet and free of headaches for me, which is always a blessing.

There was a lot of rain the other day and although it may have been a scary time or dangerous one due to the amount of rainfall in such a short time, I had fun in it in a way I never expected.

I'm always in excited when there is a sudden change in the weather and I tend to enjoy thunderstorms the most. My grandmother always told me that I should be quiet during these times because to her, that was when God was trying to show us people something important.

I ran out shoeless in the flood around my parent's home to rescue my older sisters shoe that floated off when she thought she could come to help me out of my car. Turns out the main road we both traveled to arrive to our parent's house was shut down shortly after we arrived at the same time. It reminded me of childhood and playing out in the rain, only my parent's waited until the heavy rains passed before we were permitted out. I had a good laugh this week at it and thank the Lord for a fun experience of playing out in the rain...as an adult that is.

Today was really good too. I spoke with a church member who grew up Adventist and was able to tell her my testimony. She said she is always curious to know why other people believe what they do. I spoke with other people who grew up Adventist, Baptist, Pentecostal, and other denominations and those who I did for some reason did not share their story on why they believe what they do.  I think a great many just go because of tradition and the ones who have had an experience speak of a quiet, but in no way less important introduction to their Jesus. People read the Bible, but don't think God is revealing Himself to people today like He did in His word.

God can have a beautiful butterfly land on your hand just as He could have a fireball fall from the sky if it is necessary in order to help us get the point. Our God of today is the same God who gave Moses, and Elisha in II Kings the power to part the waters and pass over on solid dry earth. Our faith only need be as small as a mustard seed.

I am growing broccoli again. I guess a mustard seed grows into a tree but anyway, a mustard seed and a broccoli seed are about the same size. Years ago, I purchased broccoli seed and started a broccoli seedling. A little girl was having her 7th birthday and I wanted to give her a gift other than providing the music entertainment for her party. I gave her a broccoli plant. Imagine my surprise when her father showed me the plant now nestled in the church yard. It was humongous! It was a gigantic bush of broccoli far greater than any other plant on the church grounds. Our faith starts out as small as one of those eencie weencie seeds and if we choose to believe God for what He says, if we choose to give Him a chance, oh how far we can go and what we can become.

Your life may seem quiet now. You may have prayed for something and feel like God didn't hear or is choosing not to answer you for whatever reason. Just know that God sees and hears all. You may find that a year in hindsight, God did actually answer your prayer, only you just were distracted by all the other things that don't matter around you. This church member believed but she said things were quiet for her. This quiet makes you feel like nothing is happening and nothing is going to happen, but in my experience it is not true at all. God is an ever present help and always working behind the scenes.

Don't despair. Just look up and call on Jesus no matter what it is or where you are in your life. Go grow your mustard seed.