The Little Things

Happy Sabbath Evening,

I usually write on Saturday afternoon but I feel as though if I wait until then, I will forget more of the good that the Lord has done for me.

I am sitting here thinking back to how committed I was years ago, and how my heart was especially in 2009.  I just listened to some songs I would have on replay endlessly during that era and I just pray that I can be as committed again as I was when I first met Jesus in 2006. 

This week had its up and downs.  Today I was so angry about a few things and now adays nothing gets me more angry than giving some trust to others to do what they promise to do only for them to do something else.  When I was a young Christian, the only thing that would get me angry was me not doing what I was supposed to be doing for God as I promised Him.  Keeping one’s word is very important to me and one thing I can say is that throughout the years, Jesus has kept His word to me. 

Even when it felt like He wasn’t there and like I was abandoned, He still kept His word.  Some songs I listened to tonight were Create In Me a Clean Heart and Your Name Is Holy by Donnie McClurkin as well as Yes by Shekinah Glory.  There are so many more, but these songs really made my night.  My text for today was, “The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust, my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower. “~Psalm 18:2

This week He has shown Himself to be these things.  I cannot do my job without Him.  I cannot hold anything together without Him.  He gave me peace and confidence this week that I know was not by my power.

God is all powerful and above all things and counter-fit powers.  I have cut myself off from sources that can be used by evil to mess me up, but of course I am not cut off by all things.  I have to leave my home and exist in a world full of people, many of which do not know Jesus and are influenced to do all manner of terrible things to others.  God knows my insecurities and how I can stumble over my own two feet just trying to be who I am. 

Out of all days I could be at the office and be surrounded by mean spirited people who don’t belong in this field, they were absent. They are never absent all at the same time.  I don’t recall if the day before I said to myself that it would be a miracle if those mean people were not there when I needed to do certain work, but what ever the case, I came in and they were not there.  I did my work with a confidence that was surprising to me.  I have anxiety in certain situations at work and that day, the Lord brought me straight through with no problems.  This is the confidence I wish I had on all days on the job and I encounter people from time to time (or once a month) that make snide remarks, give looks, and do other things to intentionally shatter it.  I give the credit for Wednesday to the Lord.  I also give the credit to Him for helping me jump in several meetings this week without doing all the prep work I usually do for these things.  I didn’t shut down and He helped me to think on my feet and do good work.

Today I was angry about the car repair situation.  I went out to get blood work done and stopped at Burlington Coat Factory to search for some shoes for my son/clothes for myself and Walmart for a bunch of food items.  I went into the candles section and saw a candle that had a slightly familiar name but not a familiar container style attached to the name.  I smelled it and it smelled like my 2^nd favorite candle that I have practically burned down to the wick (I was going to melt the remaining wax and make another candle with wick I got on amazon to get more use out of the old one I thought I’d never get again).  They had a couple there so I grabbed two of them.  As of this late hour it is about burned half way down.  It was the first candle I picked up and it made my day. 

In my anger about the car, how my parents were talking to me, and other stuff, I debated on whether or not I should go to church.  The youth Sabbath school teacher is not going to be there so I made that excuse.  I checked the weather but there is no rain for tomorrow.  I was on the fence until my son interrupted my thoughts playing songs I play from a cd gifted to me in the car, songs I only play on Sabbath as we ride to and from church.  He spent a good long time singing and dancing to the songs and then asked me if we could go to church. 

How can I say no now?

I don’t have clothing picked out yet, but I plan to go.  Who knows what message the Lord will have for me to hear tomorrow.

The last thing I wanted to share was I was watching random Youtube videos and came across a video by a Nick Ma with the title, “Couple Adopts Newborn Baby But When Dad Notices THIS About”.   I had not been watching anything God related and stayed looking at fashion, people’s ancestry dna results, hair tutorials, and random cooking tutorials.  I guess I got to this video after looking for information on how to grow a healthy avocado tree.  I have three avocado plants growing from the seed and wanted to make sure I was doing everything right (so they don’t start dropping like the beans did).  I watched a cool video on an avocado side dish and then clicked on the couple adopts newborn baby video, not thinking much of it.  The guy in the video talked about how when he was a child, he would be out in the woods spending time communing with the Lord and talking and hearing from God was normal for him.  The second person shown in the video was his eventual wife who said when she was a child, she was much younger than him but liked him and took time to think of the name of her first child she would have if she was married.  Eventually the two became close after college and married and when they started talking about children, it turned out that not only did she have a name for the child she wanted, but he had a name  too.  He had a dream of an olive skinned girl and her name was Chloe in the dream.  They both had the same name picked out for a baby but they were not able to conceive.  They tried for years and the guy felt like he was not making the right choice when considering adoption.  They received an email that they were selected to be adoptive parents to a baby girl and by that time they had decided to let go of the name Chloe.  When they went to meet the woman who would give her child up, the guy said she resembled the young girl who was in his dream but at no time talked about this to her.  They went in her home and discussed adoption plans and then the woman who was to give her child up said that she felt that she needed to call this child’s name Chloe.  They adopted baby Chloe .

It’s amazing that before the wife grew up into the woman she is today, the Lord gave her that name to consider as the name to give her first child.  It’s amazing that the guy had a dream with this girl and her name being Chloe too.  God made such a perfect life for them and planned something so wonderful before they could even imagine it.   You can view the video here at this link:

CLICK HERE

God can make life amazing for so many people.  The couple had to wait a long time but eventually they did have their Chloe.  I was really inspired by their story, more so for the relationship that the guy had with the Lord early on. 

God can do the impossible.  We need to keep our trust and faith in Him.  Others will let us down; we let our selves down.  But God is always behind the scenes with a plan helping to work things out.  So when you are angry, feeling defeated, anxious or confused about what you are doing or how things are going, trust God. 

I have been let down by everyone around me, but the Lord lifted my spirit just by placing that candle that was impossible to find in front of me.  Oh yeah, the Braggs amino acid spray that I believed they discontinued forever at my Walmart (used to only find it at Whole Foods or certain health food stores). The other week it was just sitting there on the shelf.  One solo bottle.  I had been checking those shelves nearly every time I went to the store and that store is not supposed to carry this item but I guess more health conscious people are in the area so they are supplying it for their customers.  Months went by.  What, a year or so?  But that bottle was sitting there just for me.    It’s the little things and I thank Jesus for that.

Visitor

Happy Sabbath,

I had a challenging week this week and lost my temper and I’m not pleased with myself.  You know how you are hit with many small little things that annoy you and they just keep coming and happening for what ever reason?  Well, that was this week.

But the point of this blog is to testify of God’s kindness and blessings; His mercy towards not only me, but others I am blessed to have an ear in passing to experience.  So I will aim to focus on the good not only for this week, but future weeks.  This week did not go the way I wanted it to go and people have let me down including myself.

One thing I will talk about is today at church.  It is a nice day today and I headed out with my son to arrive on time.  I went into the usual room I sit in to hear the service (it’s a mothers room with a speaker and clear unobstructed view of the sanctuary, usually overrun with a bunch of loud children and teens who are either uninterested in the sermon who are doing homework or asking a litany of questions serving to distract me at every turn from the message). Today, the children from the Adventist academy I want to send my son to when I improve my financial situation were singing and doing the service.  I sat next to a woman who was very pretty and seemed to be in her 30’s, but she had a cane.  I assumed she sat there because of the difficulty she might have moving through the pews with whatever disability she had.  The other person was a mother of two usually well behaved children (one 5 and one 3), although today they were ignoring their mom and doing their own thing.  And then there was my son, who was bouncing all over the place and the pretty lady seemed to understand that 4 year olds act this way (most people are not so understanding). 

She was visiting from the church I should go to (closer to my home town next door and in the same town where I live now).  The lady was telling me as a young girl played the flute that that girl was her daughter.  She pointed out another boy and started talking about her family.  I smiled but and half heard what she was saying, but at first I didn’t care too much because I wanted to hear the service.  I didn’t want to be distracted by yet another person thinking this is the break room or something. 

Eventually, she asked if she could share her testimony, which turned into two testimonies that I was glad to have the opportunity to hear.  She told me one where she was not feeling well one day and was vomiting and I think she said she was laying down and prayed that the Lord not allow her to die.  She is usually in her room alone but lives with other family members in other parts of the home.  She prayed and someone reached over and grabbed her shoulder to give her that reassurance. No one is ever in that room with her, but God had it that one family member was in the room to reach over and grip her shoulder and helping them to know something was wrong.  They took her to the hospital and she said only a few words to the doctor and the next thing she knew, she was in a coma for a month. 

She had 3 brain anerysms that shut her down.  The hospital thought there was no hope and they should pull the plug.  She said that as they were deciding what to do, she had this dream while in her coma.  In the dream she was walking somewhere outside and heard the sound of her daughter making beautiful music some where.  She told herself she had to reach her daughter. She didn’t know where she was and was searching for her but then came across this tall white man who mirrored her body language and as she leaned and rested her head against her hand he did the same thing.  This white figure asked her strange questions seemingly to waste her time finally said to her that he was a god after she asked him who he was, but she denounced him and said that only Jehovah and Jesus the Son of God is God. Once she did this, he vanished and she was able to continue on to search for her daughter.  When she came to her daughter, the daughter approached her and kissed her on her forehead.  At that moment, she woke up from her dream and the coma and quickly recovered.  The doctors couldn’t believe how fast she recovered and talked about all their years experience with patients who have aneyrsyms and she was the first that recovered as quickly as she did.  If it were not for Jesus though is all I’m saying.

She also talked about her thyroid cancer. She was the only person in her family diagnosed with thyroid cancer.  She told me she was losing her voice and went to the doctor and they did a cat scan on her throat to find that she had a tumor/goiter growing inward.  They did a biopsy and said it was not malignant, but they did surgery to take it out because of the pressure and damage it was causing to her windpipe.  When they took the growth out, they did find a small part of it to be malignant.  I think more on this story because I was talking to my mother on Thursday morning and she told me that my cousin from NC discovered she has thyroid cancer.  About 40% of the thyroid was found to have cancer. I remember in 2013 or so when I went to Florida and rode up to NC,  her throat area had this huge bulge and no one really thought much of it.  I also learned that not only did my mother have follicular thyroid cancer many years ago, but my dad had thyroid cancer where he had to have chemo therapy.  I have had it in the back of my mind to discuss this with my doctor as I believe my own thyroid is having issues and I am taking a seaweed thyroid supplement to try to help improve it’s function before she decides to test me again and have me started on medication. 

I believe she was lead to tell me about these health situations for a reason.  God always does things for good reason.  Before we parted ways, she sang a song to me, “Remind Me, Dear Lord”.  I looked it up as she was saying the words and it was sung by Bill Gaither.  I also asked about a person who I went to school with who I knew was at her home church and she said she was still there with her mother.  She encouraged me to move forward and not run away from my past. 

We had a great talk and I came home to listen to the song she sang to me. 

Another thing I wanted to mention was that she was from Bermuda and had a cool accent and was definitely older than what I thought. The Caribbean people are such pretty people and I have watched videos on people from this region who have taken dna tests and shared their colorful and awesome results.   I have been thinking from time to time about my genetic ethnicity and have been drawn to the culture of people from the Caribbean as well, countries in west Africa and other places.  I decided at sunset last Saturday night to not only purchase a dna test for my mother as a birthday gift, but also a test kit for myself.  My dad had the Family Tree dna test which I found very disappointing and did not provide much real useful information. It said that his side was connected to the bush men in South Africa, and some randoms including Saudi Arabia, but when the researcher asked for more info and my sister told him that there was a black line, he offered a rushed and less thought over response to my sister for my dad’s background.  My dad has a unique british last name so she thought it was worth a shot to go the route with Family Tree DNA and all we were told was our ancestor was a trusted servant possibly from South Africa who may or may not have been enslaved, but ended up getting a bunch of land which was named a town filled with the black line for a stint in VA.  Native Americans (unknown tribes) were mixed up in there as well and my dad remembered family members looking like full blooded Indians, but looking at family now, it’s hard to see this except for in a photo of his mother (my grandmother). 

I am curious to know what percentage I am of this and that and even so my mother who has one of those generic last names given to her family in the south east. I hope I have mostly African blood and I have a long list of guesses as to what I might be comprised of.  I’ve been mistaken for Jamaican and Ethiopian at times.

That’s the one good thing this week, the test arrived earlier than 7 business days on Thursday afternoon and my mother and I spit in our tubes and I mailed it off before the post office closed the same day.

I am thankful for an opportunity to find out a little more about my family, what we are, and where we came from.  I am thankful for the testimonies of the lady I met today and the encouragement she gave me to continue living for Jesus despite my failures. 

I hope to speak some positive words of praise, joy, and excitement next week.

Again,  Happy Sabbath J

Finding Purpose

There is a reason and purpose for everything and we are to walk within that purpose.

It’s a wonderful Sabbath today and I just had a nap in my pillow fort.  I am a little bleary but refreshed still. 

I thank the Lord for the message I am listening to right now on Issues & Answers.  The host looks like that Korean girl interning from buzz feed and the person who was sharing his testimony to me was an unusual character, which was the reason why I didn’t pass on to the kitchen and stopped to watch.  I came in on the tail end of the conversation, but I still heard something important and useful.  We go through so many unpredictable and even uncomfortable situations.  We get a job in a workplace to find it stressful, no fun, and are ready to quit as soon as we get there.  We are rushing to the airport for a flight to only find it is going to be delayed.  The speaker encourages us to ask why this is happening and how we can use each situation to do God’s work and glorify Him.  The speaker went on to say how when he arrived at the airport with his family they were waiting for something so small (a lightbulb to be replaced in the bathroom on the plane) and because of this delay, he decided he was going to allow God to use him.  God had it so that he and his family connected with a mother and her two young children which was preparation for actually getting on the plane.  When they were on the plane, they soon realized the lady and her children were sitting right behind them and when the infant started to cry, his wife asked to hold the baby and the baby was calm for the entire flight.  None of this would have happened if he had not allowed the Lord to guide him with starting a conversation with the lady in the gate area in the first place during the delay.

It makes me think of my family trip to the Bahamas.  I was about 10 years old and remember all the connections we took to get there.  There was a family with a young child about my age and we continued seeing each other on every plane.  When we finally arrived in the Bahamas, I couldn’t understand why we were not allowed to leave.  The other family stayed with us and I think their luggage was lost but the child and I and my sister were able to hang out with each other during a long period of boredom.  I was to learn later that someone stole my birth certificate out of my mother’s purse and they were trying to prove that I belonged to them and that I was American.  I was able to leave eventually for the resort and we were able to return home after our trip, but it’s nice how the Lord puts people on your path to help with a difficult situation.  I don’t know what the beliefs of the family were who traveled (perhaps Christian, who knows), but it was a comfort to see them even as we returned to the airport to fly back home those several rounds too. 

This week did not go the way I had planned it to go.  I texted my mechanic on Thursday to find out what was happening with my car.  My mechanic promised that it would be done this week but I just received a response from him with photos that he still needs to put the doors back on and no definite date or week slated to finish.

The last time he fixed my car after it was totaled, it didn’t take that long (what a week?).  I am soon to have been without my car for 2 months and I’m not sure the reason for it.  Perhaps there is a flaw that needs to still be discovered and worked out by the mechanic.  There is opportunity even in this to allow the Lord to use me even as disappointed as I am.  The little blue car is fitting the bill right now and even though it guzzles through gas like I breathe air, it’s getting me where I need to go and handling these streets like a pro.  I thank Jesus for this little car. 

As for my job, I was not thinking clearly about my week and a snow storm hit on Tuesday so I had to take off that day.  But God is good because that Tuesday, I didn’t have enough work to justify being in the office and could not even pull it out of thin air.  I was glad to have cancelled a meeting and rescheduled it to the following Monday. Other meetings were cancelled and the unexpected happened with some of my clients/teams.

The Adventurers club I had been excited about bringing my son to is cancelled for tomorrow because the snow storm stopped some of the materials from arriving as we were expecting.  I stayed home today because they said we were getting more snow and sleet and I didn’t want to lose my parking space.  Several spaces are still covered in ice and if you didn’t work on it Tuesday afternoon after the snow moved on for the most part, you were going to be stuck all week.  I had my son watch youtube to keep him in one spot while I went out and worked my car free in one of the snowiest and iciest spots in the lot.  I had to leave early Wednesday morning (5am) so I used two buckets of hot water to loosen up the last part that was catching my tires and keeping my car trapped.  Maintenance did not come around so it was really everyone out for themselves.  I opted to shovel and salt the door entries of my three other neighbors just so when they stepped out they wouldn’t slip immediately on a path of ice, but I didn’t have the strength to handle a full path of heavy icy heart attack snow, plus my son required my attention.   

This week didn’t go the way I expected it, but God is good and still provides. I’m looking out my window at another sight I never expected.  I see a flock of seagulls.  I never see seagulls out here, not this far inland anyway.  What ever the case, I am exactly where I should be and even if it is uncomfortable, I can still make the best out of it.  God can use me in any situation and I look forward to seeing what He will do with me for the new week. 

Ezekiel 16

Happy Sabbath

I had a good week this week and the Lord blessed me to do well with what I thought I was ill prepared for during the work week and to arrive home to spend the Sabbath in a comfortable environment in peace (complete with my plants). 

Today at church, I officially signed my son up for the Adventurers club and our first meeting will be on the week after next.  I am excited and hopeful that his involvement in the group will make a difference not only on his behavior and help him to see what Jesus is all about, but it will improve his social skills and be a great supplement to Sabbath school as well as my little talks with him when he is willing to listen. 

I was able to pay my taxes on Thursday, but was disappointed to hear that I would be receiving half the amount back.  I had expected to use double the amount to pay off a debt I racked up from last year.  I also was disappointed to call my mechanic on Friday to hear that his guys were backed up and he promised me yet another week, that it would be done definitely by next week.  He did offer a discount because of the delay, praise the Lord for that.  

I’ve had other disappointments, but the Lord is good.  I have enough good food to eat for my son and myself, a warm home, and a working (and hopefully temporary) car to drive.  I have been able to do more than I was doing before motherhood and I trust that with God, I will be okay.  I have several dreams and know it is not within my power to manifest them.  I am waiting on the Lord to see the miracles He will work because I have seen Him work the impossible in my life before.    He has created me and made me beautiful.  God has created this beautiful place for me and given me great experiences that I can smile back upon. 

I was reading Ezekiel 16 last night and not sure how exactly I came to it.  I think it was after I was thinking about this biography I read (a book I found in a dusty closet of the church I was baptized in) and after reading some things others in the Christian community shared that were concerned that the person the biography was about was not doing right (if she really said these things as a pastor, then I’d have to move away too),  I came upon the book of Ezekiel.  One of my favorite chapters was chapter 16 where it starts out talking about Israel being as a baby thrown out by it’s mother, it’s parents that didn’t want it.  It grew up in it’s blood, it’s filth, yet God saw that it could be made something good and took Israel under His wings.  He cleaned Israel up.  Perhaps I should call Israel the church.  He cleaned the church up, dressed it in broidered clothing, decked it in jewels, and married her.  She was beautiful because God made her beautiful, but then she forgot where she came from.  She forgot that she was in that field, in her blood, uncovered, unloved before God stepped in.  God made her more beautiful than all the nations around yet, she defiled herself, following after those who are against God and giving away what God gave her to increase her sins.

She was then taunted and despised by all who were around to see her.  She humiliated herself worse than Sodom and others. 

What is comforting to see is that even after all that she did, God accepted her back.  She was forgiven despite all the horrible things she did. Sodom was pretty bad, so bad that it was wiped off the face of this earth. Yeah, that's pretty bad and yet Israel did much worse.  If God can forgive even her, there is surely hope for us all if we choose to seek Him.

I think about my life and in many ways, 2011-2012 was like how this character in Ezekiel 16 had done.  It was a difficult time for me when people knew what I had done. I chose to trust in a man rather than God and ignored the red flags. I had considered that I only belonged to the Lord and no one else.  Jesus was all that I needed yet I decided to add someone that was not right for me and in hindsight, clearly was pretending to be a Christian but I chose to ignore and forget the evidence.  

As painful as it was, it was necessary.  I needed to go through that pain, that public humilation, and suffer to know I should never do something like that ever again.  I too forgot where I came from.  I forgot where God found me.  I may not have been laying in filth and blood in a dusty field, but I was not in a good place or doing good in my life either.  He brought me all that way and changed me into something that was beautiful and I forgot what I promised to Him in my first apartment.  After all that I had come out of in 2006.  I made compromises that should never have been made.  There are consequences to every action and inaction.  I really saw myself in this chapter and felt the shame all over again, but I also was reminded of God’s present love and forgiveness for me today. 

God has me no matter what terrible choices I’ve made.  I thank the Lord for who He is. 

Determined To Be Thankful

I am listening to this guy on 3abn Dare to Dream network talking about his early life and how he found God.  He was one of three children born to a single mother and started smoking weed and running the streets with drug dealers at the age of 6. He was signed over to the state at the age of 9 because he was too out of control.    It amazes me how far away children can go from what is good and right and it is extremely important that there are positive influences from the beginning. Prior to his testimony, I listened to a teen boy singing and his reasons for using his gift for Jesus. He originally started singing because his mother was a singer and her mother was a trained classical singer at that.  I used to play piano weekly for church service and want to encourage my son to try new things (instruments), develop his gifts and use them for the Lord too.  I want my son to do what is right and I want to be a good mother and help keep him on the right path.

I thank the Lord that my son is learning and doing great in pre-school.  He received a report card from the school showing great progress along with him knowing 90 sight words.  He is 4 years old and on a roll.

Despite being on a roll, today was a challenging day at church for him behaviorally.  My son was out of control during Sabbath school and I had to spank him at one point.  We went up to the main room that has a speaker in it that we sit in to listen to the sermon and he was okay for a while.  I decided to go in the sanctuary with him during children’s story and he just couldn’t sit still and behave.  He came back to the main room and at the latter end, he became very rebellious and I decided to turn down an invite to a potluck at someone’s home.  I left feeling sad.  I haven’t felt sad like this in a while. 

But I am listening to this testimony on 3abn and it lets me know that there is hope for him.   He doesn’t have to continue spiraling. God is putting some good people in my way at church and I am thankful that they are willing to help and offer sound advice.

I thank the Lord for helping me to have a good and productive week.  I texted my mechanic and he said my car repair is on schedule.  I am hopeful to receive my car next week.  They took the doors to the body shop on Thursday to have them painted.  I am thankful for having a warm apartment, good wholesome food, and good clothing to clothe my son and myself.  I am thankful for this beautiful tree that I purchased on Thursday and even as the tallest one that was at the store, I was able to somehow fit it in my car and bring it into my home.  It’s a majesty palm.  I am thankful that the avocado seed I was about to throw away is growing well now along with the others.  I am thankful that I have not seen another wasp.  I put duct tape at the base of the ceiling fan in the kitchen and have not seen another one despite another warm day this week.  Maintenance came out and moved furniture and didn’t do anything or listen to what I had to say.  I believe the wasps were coming from the fan and I thank the Lord because I couldn’t figure out for the life of me where they were coming from in the kitchen. 

I thank the Lord for the delicious food I just had.  I made some sweet potato (toast) slices in the oven and guacamole to spread on top that was delicious.  I made some stir fried bok choy, tofu, and leeks in soyaki and am filled and satisfied.  My son is napping since coming home from church so I’ll find something that he can eat.  He likes mango and blackberries.  I am thankful that he is willing to try new foods.  He really needs to eat more real and whole foods, not the baby oatmeal and junk he is used to.  I even began investing in the stock market and made 11 cents to start during my first 24 hours so that’s a plus. I expected not to get anything so soon so 11 cents is a big deal to me.

God is so good to me and my family.  These may seem like random things, but this was my week and my testimony. No matter what, there is always something you can thank Jesus for.  I am determined to remain thankful because God is good!