When Things Don't Go Your Way

The Rizers 1 Thessalonians 5:5-18 Wrong for Wrong

I am spending time this Sabbath morning watching Christian music videos for children to get my son  to learn more about God.

This week hasn't been the best for my behavior lately. I've been struggling to properly discipline my son and feel defeated on many days. This week also had things happen that others would say we're coincidences, but I believe all things happen for a reason and are not random. God purposes events for us. Satan plans things against us, but even through the turmoil, God can turn anything around for our good. And of course, our will directs how many events play out as does our attitudes toward what we know is beyond our control. 

This week started out with me forgetting I did not have to go into the office on Monday. I thank the Lord for putting it on my mind to grab a bunch of forms that I normally don't grab extras of. I ended up having enough for Monday's work.
I am on vacation this week and scheduled everyone well, or so I thought. I will be a year in on this job by September and have been able to see all my clients each month without huge issue. ...except for this week, the first time ever.

One of my Monday appointments cancelled a second time, this time without a good explanation. I called on Tuesday and still did not receive an appropriate response. I called my supervisor in to try to help me complete that appointment for this month. I drove to another location (still Monday) and did work in my car and I was checking my email for something else when I noticed the person my next appointment was for tried cancelling on me forgetting she scheduled this. Mind you, I'm parked outside in their garage and am 2 hours early.  I went inside early and was able to be seen. While in the waiting area, I called another client to check up on her services and she shared her concerns. After hearing her, I called and spoke with her clinical manager who told me she would  call me back because she had to put gas in her tires. When I spoke to the manager, we talked not only about my client's car issue, and hers, but also about my car issue and my sisters. My sister got a new car last Saturday and there was a problem with the battery.

We laughed about the car stuff, arranged for a September meeting, and I agreed to send her a document through email thinking that would be the end of car talk for the day. I drove about 15 minutes away and when stopped at a red light, a man who was walking by called to me to say my tires were getting low and needed air. Now if you recall from my last blog post, I mentioned times that people speak to me on the street as being times that are very rare. Tuesday, I had my windows down to not run the ac as much. That is something else that I rarely do. 

I drove on to a gas station with free air and put air in all of my tires.  Funny how my last phone call of the day had a woman tell me she had to put air in her tires and here I was directed by another total stranger to do the same thing. If I didn't have my windows down I wouldn't have heard him say anything. I'm afraid of bees so that's the main reason I keep the windows up in the summer. Coincidence?

Tuesday, I  was stood up again by a different appointment and drove far to get there. The specialist there did not know the lady was not coming in either and her other provider continues to keep us in the dark. I consulted my supervisor on this situation too because I can't see her this month due to tight time constraints.  After this cancelation, it was on my mind to either get a chicken kebab sandwich or DQ. I really wanted DQ, but didn't know where it was (but knew there was one in the county I was driving through).

I had one last meeting Tuesday  afternoon, and while on my way, I received a call from the person I was to see Wednesday and it turned out she put the appointment in her calendar wrong. She thought I was coming Tuesday. When she called me, I pulled off on a street from the main road in an area I was "slightly" familiar with to check my records and confirm that we were to meet Wednesday morning, not tuesday. I continued driving to return to the main road and realized I was passing by the place one of my clients used to reside. We both moved for June. Also the block I would have passed if it had not been for me pulling up a random side street in the area, had the dairy queen I wanted to go to, but the way the roads are over there, it was hard to get over there (traffic in both directions makes it nearly impossible to make the two left turns needed to get there safely.

I tried doing other back streets, but couldn't get to the DQ so I gave up and headed on to my last meeting. Coming into the waiting area of my last meeting, the very person who used to live in that old apartment complex I passed not even an half hour earlier was sitting in the waiting room waiting to go to her 1pm dental appointment. Coincidence?

I chatted with her and her staff before leaving for my meeting in another area of the building. After the meeting, trying to get home was ridiculous and I got lost following my GPS that I had to give it up and follow my own instincts to get home and avoid traffic on the major highways and byways. If I stayed with the GPS,  I'd still be stuck in a sea of cars wasting gas and battery power. I did get the chicken kebab sandwich and it lacked the delicious predictable flavor I came to expect with each purchase from that restaurant.

My last thing  (coincidence) that happened with me was  having the desire to listen to video game music and watch a YouTuber play supermario brothers because it brought back fun memories of my childhood yesterday. It started with some weird video playing final fantasy music in the background, which lead to a binge on Legend of Zelda, Super Mario, and Kirby game music. I am a piano player as is my older sister and we both were really into learning the music for these games as teens in our leisure time.

Well it's Sabbath and I am playing videos for my son along with 3abn programming and I viewed a video I never saw before. It  gave different video game scenarios of characters playing and climbing ladders and beating opponents.  One was like Q Bert. Another like Little Sampson ( arcade style/old Nintendo games). The difference was that who ever won at the end noticed the losing character and treated them kindly. Now in super Mario, you jump over Bowser and drop him in lava to find the princess is always in some other castle cause they like to play you like that. You stomp on turtles and angry mushrooms. You throw objects at cute veggies to get them out of your path in Kirby. Not so nice.

The Rizers video Wrong for Wrong in many ways brings my confusing week full circle.  Nothing is coincidence and there is a lesson in all of this. As angry as my son might encourage me to get, I have to treat him with kindness and love. Things are not always going to go the way I want them. Since sealing up my window that was letting in wasps and who knows what else, I had a fly get in yesterday and today. Through the ventilation system, I don't know. My central air system wanted to take a break yesterday afternoon and that's no good because it was 90+ and I don't have my car to just drive some place cooler. Yeah, I dropped the car off for repair on Thursday.   My appointments were all over the place and I have prided myself with a perfect record of completing my meetings each month for almost a year, but this week 3 tried bailing on me and 2 are left to my supervisor or other agency staff to cover.

I don't have complete control on what happens around me, but I do have control over my reaction to it. I thank the Lord for bringing me through all this.

IT'S NOT ENOUGH

Verse for today is:

Proverbs 11:2King James Version (KJV)

"When pride cometh, then cometh shame: but with the lowly is wisdom."

The enemy stays trying to plant seeds of unfruitfulness to get you to fall off the path that the Lord has put you on. He also wants you to feel like what the Lord has given you is not enough and to get you puffed up. It's not necessary.

I started my week with three people speaking on a subject that I have not taken time to dwell on because if one did, you would feel negative too.  One program specialist I know is a Christian and Sabbath keeping Penecostal.  I haven’t had conversations with her about her beliefs over the past few months, but when I did it was nice to hear her take.  I was telling her that I was hanging in there and that there continues to be high turnover within my agency and one person who I enjoyed working with was quitting on Friday (yesterday) to become the director of another agency I have never worked with.  She then went into a conversation she had with another person she knew from a different agency and started talking about salaries and how accepting anything lower than $60,000 didn’t make any sense.  I make slightly more than half of that and was not ashamed to say what range I was in. 

I over heard a conversation about someone having a friend who went on to get their doctorate, but the person drug them through the mud because they opted to use loans to pursue this degree and didn’t take the time to save and take one class per year (who knows how many years) to get to where they are now.  Now I don’t know all that was involved.  I think she was also angry because this friend wanted to call her self chair-woman or director this or that and her friend thought she was acting better than everyone else because of the degree path she chose. 

I then started to think about myself with my masters and I took loans out to get this. 

I have heard enough bitter people looking at others at work and scolding them about the decisions they’ve made to get to the position we share now. 

I also had several encounters with my sister who is of the opinion that a masters makes you entitled to a $70,000 salary.  She makes such a big deal out of having the title “salaried” and she is an hourly worker and it’s ridiculous.  I am salaried, but I don’t make more than her (we are about the same), and every time I talk to her, she complains about being forced to do work she doesn’t want to do.  I say if you don’t want to do it or if it is not in your job title, talk to the manager about it, or quit.  She lacks social awareness and doesn’t speak up for herself when it is needed, but when she leaves the job, she has nothing but trash to say about the people and her job.  

I spoke to a specialist who was working with one of my clients and she asked me questions about the freedoms of my position after I shared with her my plans to get my car fixed next week.  If I have to go through all this to get my car fixed, my job must not pay enough. 

She asked me about my scheduling process knowing full well that the woman who used to sit behind me came and joined her company and probably told her everything in graphic detail what she needs to know about doing my job.  The woman behind me was one of the sharpest minds I knew out there and I think I heard people trash talking her after she left.  I can’t be mad at her, she was smarter than everyone else when it came to doing this job and doing it well.

The specialist who hired the woman who sat behind me created this new company because it was easier to work with more people (she has a huge client base and she wanted to simplify the insurance billing process).  Her career is what I imagined I would be doing when I was close to graduating with my masters, but I didn’t get the training.  She continued asking about my scheduling process and at one point appeared to put her nose up at me.  Of course someone who owns their own business is going to do what ever they want to do.  I work for an agency and have to follow their rules. 

All of these people in their own way are saying that what I am living, what I have, what I am trying to do, it’s not enough. 

It’s not enough, you shouldn’t be satisfied.  As I heard these things throughout the week, I started thinking it’s not enough.  Without a certain structure in place, I would not be able to go on, continue. 

But it’s Sabbath and a day for me to thank the Lord for what He has done for me and He continues to do abundantly. 

If it were not for the Lord putting certain structures in my life, I would not be living comfortably as I am.  It would be a shut case.  Where there is no way, God can make a way. 

I had a bad day with my son earlier in the week.  He was misbehaving and I disciplined him but it was not working.  He has been misbehaving more and I have been challenged in trying to deal with it.  It really started when he was watching youtube videos of other children misbehaving and now he is banned from watching youtube and other forms of uncontrolled programming. 

So I had a bad day and the next day I went to work and I never interact with people as I walk to work because for one, it’s too early for people to be out on the street walking, I’m wary of strangers, and no one is that friendly to even approach me unless they have a hidden agenda or there’s a problem they need me to know about.  I have walked and walked every week and the only one other time months ago a lady ran me down to tell me that my tire was low and needed air.  I noticed this lady before I left my car because she was driving a dodge charger and I like dodge chargers so I always look at them and give mental props to the driver who drove it. 

Well this day, I was walking and a lady had just parked her car and asked me if it was okay to park her car there all day.  She was within a 2 hour parking sign and I told her that she would have to move her car to three different streets close by which were free parking and had no limit.  I park up in the area all the time because anything further southbound is time sensitive and you are guaranteed a ticket.  She didn’t want to listen to me so she headed across the street to a parking lot person (attendant or customer) to ask if it was still okay to park there. 

I went on my way and was next to my office building when a man speaking broken English approached me.  He had his car double parked and asked  for directions to a street that I knew the name of, but couldn’t immediately point out.  It also didn’t help that he didn’t have a building number and it was just North blah street and blah street.  I did my best to give him directions using my google map app and hopefully he headed in the right direction. 

I still wonder at the significance of that.  I don’t know if that was God trying to make me feel like I am still worth something, that He knows I am still trying to do the right thing  and live Christianly after a day I thought I failed as a human being.  I don’t know if it was God trying to show that I don’t listen to him, that I lack direction and when He is trying to give it, I don’t listen.  I’m sure the second one has truth to it in my life.  I don’t pick up when He is trying to show me something, but I know there was something special about those two encounters.

Even now as I try to worship, I have distractions all around.  Downstairs neighbor is in her dirty moment and my son keeps acting up and doing things I’m telling him not to do.  I am going to worship anyway through this.  God has provided me with headphones to listen to songs of praise that I can sing to with my heart.  I may not be in a mansion in the middle of the woods far away from people with a multi million dollar music studio and sound system that plays music so wonderful that it can transport you to another place.  I have my wireless SoundBot headphones and can listen to In Christ Alone sung by Christina Grimmie.  I can block these distractions out.  I can sit in the cool of my living room and read His word.  I can watch the birds land on the balcony and the clouds roll off in the distance and they are very beautiful today.  I have enough to do this.  My son is throwing half of a plastic golden egg shell on me, but it is enough. 

My testimony is that God has given me what I need and what is enough for me at this stage in my life. 

That supervisor who quit on Friday, she asked me about my past boss from the previous agency.  That boss was the one who hired me, a nervous mess trying to answer questions during the interview.  I was sure she would say no, but she said yes to me that cold March day.  I gave an unsolicited written recommendation for her and the next day that supervisor now turned director said she was going to hire her.  I don’t give my recommendations so freely to people but she was a good managing director. On Thursday,  I looked at an email a specialist sent me and saw a name that was cc’d in and very familiar.  Two names actually this week on that email.  One name was the specialist who quit her other job that people said was due to stress of a car accident. I ran into her on Friday after running into my other client I was scheduled to see on Thursday. Friday was the day to run into everyone I knew apparently.

 She went on to this one agency to join their team and back with another client of mine.  The other name in the same email was the person who inspired and told me to apply for the job I have now.  My old client from my past employer wondered where she was and would keep calling my current agency looking for her.  When I got to my agency I am at now, I was looking for her too, but she wasn’t at either of the two locations we have.  Turns out she is a director over at this other place.  She sent me an email at 1am in the morning on Friday that she would participate by telephone conference for a team meeting scheduled 10 hours later and would meet me for another meeting  3 hours after that. An email that early doesn't say much for workplace-personal life balance.  I let her know who I was and she said she knew she knew my name and made the connection of our past client without me even saying his name.  It’s a small world.

Who knows, I might be a director one day, but at this time I don’t want to.  I lack the confidence and skills it would take to do what she is doing and what my prior supervisor is doing.  My prior supervisor had 9 years under her belt.  Her student loans (if she had any) would be forgiven by year 10, where I want to be.  The person I received the email from has the same degree as I do.  There are other directors who have their bachelors and are doing really good for themselves. 

I have what I need at this time.  I will try harder to rely on Jesus and not my own strength to be successful in everything I try.  My small apartment is enough.  It is clean, comfortable, and smells nice (all the glade, candles, carpet fresheners, and auto sprayers I use on a daily-weekly basis, not to mention potpourri, you would think this was a parfume shoppe.  I have never treated any space as nice as the one I’m in right now.  My job is enough.  My son is company enough as wild as he wants to be.  I love him and enjoy spending time with him.  My car is enough.  God blessed me with enough.  Now I am going to enjoy the Sabbath.  It is enough for me.

Weirdness and Roadrage

Reflecting over the week, I noticed that I was more successful with tasks I thought I would mess up. Jesus helped me conquer them. My car had a little trouble starting due to the excessive heat in the region, but the Lord permitted it turn on and take me where I needed to go.
My electric bill came yesterday and is $249.41 mainly because I have been running the AC nonstop. I'm still running it today.

This week was successful. The enemy will try to throw things at you to confuse you and get you flustered so much that you lose your trust in God. People were driving weird this week. It could have been the heat for the afternoon people but the early morning people had no excuse. I had to swerve my already damaged car to the right because the person behind me was being very aggressive so much so they would have clipped my car trying to get around me. They had the middle lane open and available to them. Hey, they even had the left lane, but they purposed to act crazy behind me and there was someone in front of me at the time.

People acted different. There were strange attitudes in the air and people were less friendly. Street lights were going off in multiples on two days. I got out of my car early in the morning to dump my trash in the dumpster and when I returned to my car, the light over head went out. As I drove, several more like it turned out along my path. Some would blame it on the heat, but this has happened even in colder times too. It has happened in stranger places and I believe this is a way satan tries to intimidate people.

I finished my week stocking up on wholesome goodies from Trader Joe's, picking up my son, and putting in my service notes. I watched my show (at the moment Greenleaf), cooked some delicious fresh salmon fillets, and bathed head to toe in jasmine foam. I am happy to be home with my son and that the Lord allows me to enjoy it.

I had a dream on Thursday that I cannot recall now. My Youversion verses of the day are not loading properly, but I had this vivid dream with my son in it and woke up to read a verse that had a matching message to what I dreamt. The dream is gone from me, but I believe this was something special from God. 

This was my week. There were some obstacles that were before me, but the Lord held me and made me strong in the face of them. I reached the end and am enjoying another Sabbath with the Lord. That's what matters to me and that's my testimony this week.

Happy Sabbath

Bee-utiful Sabbath

The Lord has worked on removing a fear of mine and continues to work on me, Praise God!

The other week I mentioned my experience going through a swarm of huge bees (or hornets) to complete an appointment. I may also have or have not mentioned being stung by something in August 1999 while attending the funeral of my grandmother in a hot dry NC cemetery. What ever that thing was that hit me at my left knee, it affected more than half of my body (toes to torso) and I was in a panic and extreme pain for at least 45 minutes.  Because of that experience, I believed that I was allergic to bee/wasp venom for years.  I believed that if it had been higher up on my body, I might have died.

On Tuesday I was headed to work later than usual and sprayed myself with my favorite fragrance (Nina by Nina Ricci) which is very sweet smelling and lasts long like the Lolita Lempickas I wear in cooler weather. L de Lolita Lempicka was the best, but they discontinued it. I wore a brand new blouse that I picked up on Sunday after meeting with my family friend from Ghana and rushed off to park and speedwalk to work while playing Pokemon Go.

I had the thought that a bee would land on my back like in previous times but the sun was not fully out and it had rained that morning. I didn't dwell on the thought. I crossed a major intersection and continued focusing on swiping to get experience points for the next Pokestop I was approaching.

I felt a sharp poke on my right breast but continued playing and didn't want to fiddle with my button down blouse as many cars were slowed next to me in morning traffic.

I the felt the sharp poke again and it made me stop to see if perhaps the bra that didn't have a wire that high was coming out of the garment and scratching me.

There was a small bee or wasp sitting on my chest in my blouse.

Now I don't know what kind of dance I did for those sitting in traffic. All I know was it fell through my shirt to the ground and I stomped it out of its misery. I then proceeded to go into panic mode because remember, I thought I was allergic to bee stings. I didn't see a stinger but kept feeling sharp pain all the way to the Walgreens store that I told myself to boycott in 2008 after I returned from my trip to Italy.

Walgreens lied to me about the international phonecard I purchased (I asked a clerk and called customer service in store before making the purchase and was lied to at by least 4 other Walgreens reps on the phone and in person when I tried to get a refund). I never got a refund and the store manager was rude so I vowed not to purchase anything from them again.

On Tuesday I was willing to bypass my office building and Walgreens downstairs to go to Rite Aid and get what I needed further away, but with my mom on the phone demanding I think about my life, I took heed and stopped in there for generic benadryl. 

I was fine. I was thrown off for the day but I was fine and I thank God for that. The Lord brought me through this week and I had successful meetings. I completed a lot of work. I finally decided to deposit that settlement check (yesterday). And I lived through being stung twice by my heart. Now perhaps because it went into fat, it wasn't so big of a deal, I don't know. Not an artery or near many nerves or something.

God is good because it could have been worse.

I am thankful for this week, and thankful for this Sabbath. I am thankful for a peaceful place to live and being without stress today, complete with canisters and canisters of flying insect/Wasp Raid in stock. These stinging flies are able to squeeze in through a closed and locked kitchen window, no joke.

I thank Jesus that I can find another place to be comfortable again and to know I am no longer "severely allergic" to bees.

Happy Sabbath